MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

[TWCOURAGE]

Has anyone experinced marriage problems since getting off alcohol? My wife has been as angry or more at me since I stopped drinking on 8-30-08. She might drink 4 bottles of wine a YEAR so I'm not killing her buzz because she never had one ,LOL. I have damaged my nervous system by drinking 10-15 beers 3-4 times a week for the last ten years.After my alcohol withdraw I had told her what I had done to myself and she acted like it was no big deal. When I told her I now had ED she said go get some Viagra.(Everything is and will continue to improve as long as I stay away from the booze). Then about a week ago she came out of the blue and started yelling about why I just don't divorce her, then on thanksgiving she used a half bottle of wine in the stuffing ( which is not her normal recipe)never told me about it til after I ate it. When I got upset over the wine due to my condition she acted like it was no big deal. When I would'nt eat the meal she cooked on friday ( because I did'nt know what she put in it ) she started yelling and said I was a hypoconreacte. I never had any health problems until now. I thoght she should be happy since I don't and I can't drink.She also was aware that I can't have alcohol in my system because it will cause futher problems. We have been married 23 years And have 2 wonderful boys age 19 and 17. I guess I am asking if anyone else has had a negative experience with there spouse after going AF. Because since my new life just began I might have to go it alone with the 2 boys. Any ideas? :thanks:thanks to all of you

[AAthlete]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

Sounds like a good talk (possibly with a therapist) might be in order for you two.

Something is obviously bothering her. She may be having difficulty adjusting to the new you, or maybe she perceives you as a different person (for better or worse) now.

Do you feel like you are acting any differently which would in turn make her feel differently towards you?

[hart]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

((TWCOURAGE)))

Hon it does sound like counseling is in order. My hubby drinks as much as I do and I know we enable each other. But we have never stopped loving each other and we have gone to counseling together for other problems I have so that I could talk to him with the therapist right there. He's always been very open about that, even before we married.

And if she won't go to counseling with you, it might not hurt to just go to counseling yourself. It can't be easy to be trying so hard to quit drinking and have your wife sabotaging your efforts and even talking divorce. Take care of yourself and your children.:l

[TWCOURAGE]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

First of all thanks to all of you I new I would get some solid advice.Yes I'm acting differt I'm not druk or on my way when she comes home LOL. I've ask here to go to counseling 2 years ago about my drinking and getting me to stop but she refused. And yes she thought the alcohol would burn off but when I told her on Saturday I was (AND STILL AM) feeling pain she just chuckled. That why I think it my be time to move on if she is not concerned about my health at 45 what will it be like when I'm 65? thanks again for your replies all you people are awsome!!!!!!!

[Prest4time]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

As Wally22 said, when we stop drinking, our problems are still there. I am wondering if your wife felt that any problems the two of you had were all due to your drinking, but since you have stopped, she is realizing that things are not as perfect as she imagined and she is angry as a result? I think sometimes people assume all of an alcoholic's problems are due to drinking, when in fact, the drinking is a likely band-aid for the underlying problem. I wish you both the best!

[Michaela]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

TW, I don't have any words of advice, but just a huge congrats on your decision to stay sober, if not for yourself, but your boys. My brother in law in killing himself drinking and is only 33. Very Sad.

Hope your situation improves. Keep us posted.

Best of luck.

Mich

[Boss.man]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

Wow! Good for you for getting off AL and sticking to it.

Here's a guess: Your being sober has upset the balance of the house.

When my spouse drinks, and falls into drunken sleep, it is like I have complete freedom. I can get online and do whatever, provided I still get up in the morning. It's not something I ever planned, but I have in the past thought of it like a 4 hour mini-vacation from my "normal" life.

Perhaps your spouse also feels your sobriety is curbing some activity or freedom she became accustomed to. Just a stab in the dark.

In the long run, being sober will give a new life to you both. Good luck with it all.

[cymru]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

a very interesting thread. Congrats on being and staying sober through all this.
Can't really add to what has been said, but I know how difficult I would find it to be sober without the support of my partner.

[maddiva]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

maybe she is very angry!!! I am not married or with a partner. Have been and I do not know how people do it. Well done for knocking up 23 years. An achievement. But I have kids and when I am sober their anger and frustrations are directed at me. Really it is because they are frightened. Fearful of the future and the fact that I may turn into drunk mum at the drop of a hat. It is very hard for others affected by others drinking. People shout because they are hurt. They also say things because they are confused, hurt, angry, dismayed and generally fed up. I wonder if you at times in your drinking past have not said some hurtful things to your wife?? Your drinking may have caused her life to be in turmoil. It is easy to say 'throw the towel in' but the grass aint always greener. DRINKERS (myself) included may appear to be very selfish as they drink and everyone close to them is soooooo affected. I would just continue to be sober. AMAZINGLY WELL DONE. She has been very supportive because she has stuck by you through your drinking days. As for putting wine in the stuffing, that may be because she was experimenting in the kitchen and did not give it too much thought. Readjustment takes time, let her vent her frustrations and try to see what is happening in her life. MAYBE MARRIAGE GUIDANCE AND COUNSELLING MAY HELP. MAYBE A HOLIDAY AND A BIT OF ROMANCE WOULD ALSO. GOOD LUCK.

[TWCOURAGE]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

Hi everyone thanks again for your thoughts, I'm going to take my time but I need the answer to the Question, Do you want to be married to me , if she says yes fine we will work out our problems if she says no then I have to move on and enjoy the rest of my life AF.

[trixietrack]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

what were you like when you were drinking? maybe she drinks more than you know.

I left my last partner after I cut way down after realizing that his criticizing me for drinking also had to do with him.

then I cut down and he became resentful and bitter towards me.

[gyco]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

wow i dont no what to say,other then councilling helped me,it does take 2 to tango,kids are old enuff to understand,maybe shes goin thro a mid wife s crisis,oooooops,maybe i shouldnt of said tht seeing theres more women here then men,i know maybe she can come on here and will giv here som advice,hahahha,good lick to you maybe she feels deprived, hahaha gyco,viagra hahhaha im in stitches rt now

[TWCOURAGE]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

I was a happy drunk . Coached my kids football and basketball teams. My oldest boy was an all state QB and won state in track. My youngest excels in track art and writing . I was a good father for a drunk LOL. My wife dosen't drink but maybe 2 glasses of wine a month or less and I told her see can still drink because beer my my vice I don't like the taste of wine or the hard stuff.

[Sunbeam]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

Our relationship was solid before, and is still good. I now drink only occasionally (less than weekly), and he has a couple of glasses every night. It's a little wierd, because he spends lots of time downstairs in the rec room alone, and I am alone upstairs. He never offers me wine, but doesn't argue if I ask for some. I think he assumes I will at some point go back to drinking like I used to, but I know I won't. I think time just needs to pass so I can regain his trust.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS SINCE GOING AF

Your sobriety is scaring her, the question is why? You could probably figure it out if you read a lot of self help/relationship books or you could go to counseling. Unfortunately, my husband likes me drinking and is sooo much nicer to me when I am drinking. In my case, he likes me weak because a strong confident wife is scarier to him and of course harder to "control". He also has huge abandonment issues stemming from his Mother. I know all this and I love him anyway. I'm not sure what your situation is but I thought I'd share mine to shed some light. I wish you all the best :l