You see, I suffered from very low self-esteem (among other things) and so drank to make myself feel better. When drunk I could build up this illusion of the person that I wanted to be.... I was the best cyclists around, I was in great shape, people naturally gravitated to me... I could really be anyone that I wanted to when drinking.
But, on occasion I would catch a site of myself in the mirror. Wait - who is that person? Who is that with the disheveled hair, the glassy eyes and the drawn face? The person I was could ride a bicycle faster than anyone and beloved by all... This person in the mirror is a drunk - how shameful. And it would all come crashing down around me.
It is amazing to me what we do to ourselves to make us feel better; to prop ourselves up. I realize that I just couldn't admit to myself how far down I had sunk. The one thing I now know is that there is always hope and people can always change - you just have to be willing to 'look into the mirror.'
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