It’s Happening Again, What Should I Do?

[marryy]

Hi everyone,

I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here I am. My dad was an alcoholic for most of my life, and now my spouse is struggling with the same addiction. I love my spouse deeply, but this situation has left me feeling torn, confused, and exhausted.

Growing up, I watched my dad battle his drinking, and it was painful. I thought I had put that chapter behind me when he finally got sober after years of ups and downs. But now, seeing my spouse follow a similar path is bringing back all of those emotions—and more.

We’ve been married for a few years, and for the most part, we have a wonderful relationship. But the drinking has taken over. I find hidden bottles, excuses, and broken promises. My spouse is strong in so many ways, but this weakness feels like it’s destroying us both. I’ve tried the “I’ll support you” approach, but each new bottle chips away at my patience. I want to help, but I don’t know how much more I can take.

I’ve been doing some research to try and figure out what to do next. I came across Pacific Interventions, and their resources have been helpful in understanding this disease. They have articles that really opened my eyes to how addiction affects not just the person drinking but also everyone around them. I’ve thought about reaching out to them for more guidance—especially since they have inpatient programs—but I’m scared my spouse won’t agree to it.

If anyone here has been through something similar, I could really use your advice. How do you help someone you love without losing yourself in the process? Do you wait, or do you push them to get help? And how do you hold onto hope when it feels like nothing is changing?

I’m trying to stay strong, but I’m so tired. Any tips, words of encouragement, or resources you’ve found helpful would mean the world to me. Thanks for listening. ❤️

[Lavande]

Hello marryy,

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I’m sure the painful memories are hard to deal with as well/
We can’t make someone quit drinking, they have to be ready to make the decision & take the necessary steps. You can get support though by seeing a therapist yourself and/or joining a family group like AL-ANON online.

Something to think about & I wish you the best!

Lav

[STEADFAST]

Hi marryy,

Sorry to read you're experiencing problems with your boyfriend / husband's drinking. (On another thread you referred to him as your boyfriend, but on this one as your husband of a few years.)

Do you and your partner have the same general practitioner? Whether you do or not, in your shoes I would visit your own doctor and explain the situation to them. A good doctor will have resources or offer you advice on what you can do for both yourself and your partner.

(I responded to your question on the other thread about medication, and that might just be a good option for your partner.)

I also note you reference ''Pacific Interventions'' in both your threads. Might be time to contact them directly and ask them questions. These things aren't easy to deal with, but a phone-call might give you a sense of action and empowerment.

Wishing you all the best,
Steadfast