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**A Work in Progress** · December 10, 2008, 07:27 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Rachelita, I sent you a pm. I think you have some options worth considering.

**Cinders** · December 10, 2008, 07:27 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

I try to meditate but my mind goes back to all the wrong I've done each time and ruins it.

Rachelita,

You have to let go of the past or it will keep pulling you back down.

Today, look towards tomorrow. No negative thoughts. Just thoughts of how you can live your life in a good and happy way.

Do not look back, except to say "I am sorry, forgive me," and then let it go whether you are forgiven or not.

You have a wonderful life ahead of you if you grab it. If you continue to wallow in the past, you will be lost.

Love,
Cindi

**cymru** · December 10, 2008, 07:49 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Agree with Cinders here. You have to let go of yesterday to live today. There is nothing we can do about our past, but we can better ourselves for the future. Starting today.
if you ever want to p.m please do, and you can talk in confidence.
All the best for today, tomorrow and the future. Its in your hands. x

**Rachelita** · December 10, 2008, 07:50 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Cinders;491432 wrote: Rachelita,

You have to let go of the past or it will keep pulling you back down.

Today, look towards tomorrow. No negative thoughts. Just thoughts of how you can live your life in a good and happy way.

Do not look back, except to say "I am sorry, forgive me," and then let it go whether you are forgiven or not.

You have a wonderful life ahead of you if you grab it. If you continue to wallow in the past, you will be lost.

Love,
Cindi

I do not intend to be rude here at all. I can't be because I don't want anyone to feel the way I do.
It is not uncommon for people with drinking problems to not be clinically depressed/and or have any other issues.

Unfortunately I have several issues and have been diagnosed as clinically depressed.
Although I am seeking professional help on my own I still have sever issues. I am not uss a drunk, I am also a rape victim and a a bulimic. I also have anger issues. I thought about suicide as a young adult but was too afraid of pain.

Now I do not think of suicide. I simply want to get better. Yet am not sure how. So I need guidance.

I need to hear about personal experiences. Not more words of wisdom, please!

Tell me how YOU got better!

Love,
Rach

**cymru** · December 10, 2008, 07:59 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

I am also 'clinically depressed' and on numerous pills. But im honest when i say letting go of the past and living for today has been a big part of my starting to like myself. I am only at the beginning of my journey, but setting out a plan of action and following certain rules have also helped.
Us humans are complex and everyones recovery is different. But this was my turning point.
All the best rachelita. and as i said, if you ever want to chat.

**Lila** · December 10, 2008, 08:26 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

hi Rachelita
I am wondering if you can ask your family to stay off this site, maybe it is too late now. Your family really seems to be very nice, well-meaning and concerned about you, but I just - in watching from afar, just thought it was too much company. I am not at all surprised it has pushed you away.
take care!
Lila

**Rachelita** · December 10, 2008, 08:31 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Lila,
I know that they care so much. I guess it was a mistake on my part to invite them here.
All I wanted was support. Instead I got to read about how I hurt them al the time.

**keeta** · December 10, 2008, 09:45 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Rachelita,

I am sorry you are feeling limited at this site right now. I personally would not be able to post if my parents were reading them. I have too many self esteem/judgement issues that are connected with my relationship to them.( and I am 40) Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and dad, this is just "my" place to heal, and grown, and learn.(...and sometimes even make mistakes)

There might be a couple of ways around your current dillema. I am guessing wip is trying to offer up some ideas on that as well. Feel free to PM me.

I also have suffered clinical depression, and I am an alcoholic. This place and the supportive people here have helped me take the first steps I needed to help me help myself away from using drinking as a coping mechanism, and a daily fix.

I am away today in about 30 mins to go Christmas Shopping. I will look in later tonight.

Best of luck Rachelita, and never give up hope.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.

**nancy** · December 10, 2008, 10:47 AM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Hi Rachelita

Sorry you are feeling so low.

And too bad your family's involvment in the site turned out to be negative for you.

I think you should try leaving your family out of your problems altogether. Of course it's painful for them. It seems like they treat you like you are younger than 28 too.

Speaking from personal experience here, the only thing that has helped me with lifelong depression is the philosophy behind meditation. But really the biggest thing is learning to like yourself. The enemy is within. Trust me on that. You learn to like yourself, all of life gets easier. Meditation helps with that. I got a lot out of the book You can heal your life by Louise Hay.

She advised building self-esteem one step at a time. Find somthing you like about yourself and build on that.

Thoughts can be overwhelming but they are not your core self. Become your own ally, stop looking outside yourself constantly for validation and you will start to enjoy life more.

You say you are a rape victim and perhaps that caused some of your self-esteem problems. Victims sometimes blame themselves. But you can learn tolove and nurture that person inside who was hurt.

Nancy

**Boss.man** · December 10, 2008, 12:03 PM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Rachael,

You are extremely bright. You are questing. Keep in mind, that everything bad also has a good side to it. Particularly how you respond to it.

I hear your frustration. But you are free to become the adult you were always meant to be. The time has come to dream more, and start working on those dreams. You got a good 20 years before your body starts breaking down, and if you want now you can have kids although that's hardly required.

The key goal is to wake up in the morning and say "I love my life". What does it take for you to do that?

**Rachelita** · December 10, 2008, 02:46 PM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

I am not in a place where I can have kids now Bossman. But I get what you are getting at.

I am just getting sober righ now and need to eat, so please excuse me?

Sorry that I still don't achieve what I am capable of.

**dexterhead** · December 10, 2008, 03:37 PM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Hi Rachelita,
When I was 28, I was very much a lost soul. I came from a high-achieving family, yet was working in low-level service jobs. I had zero self-esteem and no clue what to do with myself. And I already felt old and washed-up. I also always wanted to write and work with words, but I felt so worthless it seemed out of the question. When I finally got on the right anti-D's, I finally felt like "myself," the way I was supposed to be. In my 30s, I finally started doing what I wanted to do. I found ways to get some "writing clips," the first step, and then began working in publishing. You are young and have so much ahead of you .:l:lSorry for rambling/babbling

**Montana Mommy** · December 10, 2008, 08:25 PM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

I think if you don't feel comfortable posting, you can atleast come here for chat. You can see everyone who's in the room, and I don't think anyone can go back and read what was said. Just an option.
MM

**Indigobelle** · December 10, 2008, 08:32 PM

I thought it would be a good thing, but turns out I was wrong

Oh my you sound a lot like I feel... Can we talk more with out your mother reading?
I'm very very new to this sight but I can't belive I have come across someone so quickly that seems so similar. I would love to hear back from you.

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