im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

[ghostman]

ive been drinking daily for the past year now, or close to that. my world revolves around alcohol and i want to change but i cant do it by myself i finally realized. last night i broke up with my girlfriend of one year, because of my lifestyle, and she also thinks i cheat on her wich i dont, and she hits me alot, i dont like that. so im here now, and hopefully i can meet some new friends here because i need help. i feel very lonely right now, i took the day off work and im home alone thinking about all this stuff... what are some of the things i can do to calm myself down? i dont know how to calm myself down without alcohol and marijuana. but im tired of that. how do you guys keep calm? focused? does anyone know of any support groups other than aa (i plan on going to an aa meeting tonight)? do any of you go to aa? is there my way out support groups anywhere? why do i feel like i deserve it when she hits me (she only hits me when im real drunk)? i feel like i deserve to get a smack because im so drunk and i know i cant drink... wholly lots on my mind right now. i want what you guys got, sobriety.

[LookingToGrow]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

Welcome back Ghost! Please get it through head that NO ONE deserves to be hit!!!
Now, let's start fresh, okay? Do you want to chat now?

[ghostman]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

yeah that would be great! im cooking lunch so i may be a little slow. and yeah i keep hearing that but it didnt sink in untill last night...

[startingover]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

Hi there Ghostman!
You have asked a lot of questions there....this is my take....I felt similar to you regarding the loneliness that alcoholism brings, the hopelessness and the self hatred. That is what alcohol did to me.
OK to start with when I found this site I read lots of posts and accepted I had a problem, I went cold turkey and gave up the drink, I used supplements and support from here. To stay focused I focus on making myself better, I focus on looking after myself, through exercise, sleeping right, and dealing with my problems instead of burying them. All this takes time though..I am learning now to live a good life and to improve my relationships.
For you, I would start with a plan. So what do you want to achieve? How do you think you can get there? Read, post and talk about your feelings, stay close to the site.
Thats my advice.
Welcome Ghosty!

[LookingToGrow]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

Okay, you finish cooking lunch, then I'll look for you in chat, okay?

[ghostman]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

thanks startingover. self hatred is a huge issue with me. i think thats the root of all my addictive behaviour. im glad you brought that up. i used to surf this site alot about 1.5 years ago about an hour a day or so, and that was when i was sober for a couple months, i was doing really well. what i want to achieve? i want to learn how to like myself, how to love myself. how to get there? not quite sure yet lol. i guess i can start by eating the nice lunch i made for myself. then i dont know... thats the thing i never know what to do with myself on a minute to minute basis, unless im eating drinking or smoking. kinda weird.

[ghostman]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

oh ok! ill be there. cool thanks dont feel so lonley haha.

[LookingToGrow]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

You are not alone. There are nearly 8,000 peeps on this site. I'll keep looking for you in chat after lunch. What time zone are you in? I am on CST (TX) so still plenty of time left in the day...LOL!!

[startingover]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

Oh yes, how to get through the time....I was scared about that too. But do you know, since I have stopped drinking, I am learning about myself...you know, what I like, what makes me feel good. It does take time though and you have to give yourself a chance. Just let yourself be for a while and see where that takes you..do you have anything you like to do? hobbies?

[LookingToGrow]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

Hobbies and pets are great to have!

[ghostman]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

im in chat now, but no one is there haha, i should be in live chat right?

[ghostman]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

startingover: yeah thats what i mean, getting through the day without the constant thought of a drink or hoot or smoke or whatever. its frustrating lol. no real hobbies no. but i like to build stuff, and rennovate, unfortunately im a little low on funds for those hobbies right now haha.

[startingover]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

It does come...the early days can be tough though...I rarely think of having a drink now...
What about reading, watching a film, walking?

[cymru]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

Hey ghostman. Nice to meet ya. I know the feeling of thinking about drink all day. Wine is my vice. I think making that first comitted descision to stop is important. I have benn stopping and starting for the last 2 years, knowing that i had to stop drinking, but not wanting too. I have today been 11 days sober and i gotta say i feel a whole lot different, cause i WANT to stop. Dont want the booze anymore. Dont want the guilt, the paranoia and everything else that comes attached to that bottle.
I was also a smoker and stopped that 6 months ago, and ill be honest, once i stopped smoking green my drinking got a bit out of hand.
all the best to you.

[Princess Fiona]

im back for the 5th time, i need to talk to someone.

Hi Ghostman,
Gee, all been there, the lonliness and the cravings are the worst, I came across this site in Feb, and was awesome, unfortunately, my husband left me and I of course turned to the bottle, I joined AA in May and haven't touched a drink since, for me it was talking face to face with people who shared this disease with me, learning to deal with the self hatred, I felt, I deserved all the crap that has gone on in my life. This has been the worst 7 months of my life, the roughest time I have gone thru, yet its been the happiest, and thats just finding sobriety, I can look at myself and be truly proud of how far I have come, I have an inner peace that I have never had before, going to meetings and sharing has taught me that I am not alone, and even although our stories may differ, there always seems to have been a form of abuse in our childhood, the emotional addictions start, we then get addicted to many more things that we have no conrol over, I love coming on to this site, just writing down how you feel, is a huge start..... Good luck, we all deserve to be happy, it does take time as thru addictions, we lose ourselves, when we start finding our inner self, its wonderful to meet the real you that has been hidden for so long.
LOL