Playing with fire?

[Montana Mommy]

Playing with fire?

Hey macks,
I had the same sober date is you. I slipped 2X's, and it was terrible. I was mean to everyone, but it did teach me something. I hate drinking. It is not fun. And the guilt is not worth it. I guess we all have to figure it out for ourselves, but I just hope you don't act anything like I did..(it was bad. yikes!!!) You have a few weeks to make your decision, but I think you're Christmas would be happier AF. Like I said tho, we're all adults. and we all have to choose our own path.
MM

[momof3]

Playing with fire?

Mack,

Here's my story. Hope it will help.

When I last seriously attempted to quit drinking 2 years ago, I started to drink again because I just wasn't happy (this is what I told myself). I wanted to feel like a normal person. So, my plan was to moderate. I started one night at a dear friends birthday party. I asked my husband to watch me and I managed to have only 1 drink per hour. I was very proud of myself and left excited that I could really do this. Well, I don't know what happened in between because it is all a blur, but I eventually went back to my standard 2 plus bottles of wine per night and that lasted for almost 2 years.

This time, I realize that it is not enough to stop drinking alcohol. I have found that I needed to fill the void in my life that was being filled with alcohol. I had to find ways to be healthy and happy. It is entirely new territory for me and it is both exciting and challenging.

In my three serious attempts to quit drinking, I have learned it is much harder to quit each time. It is easy to stay AF then it is to keep quitting.

I wish you blessings and happiness over the holidays Mack.

[gabby]

Playing with fire?

Hey Macks....come' on.....keep on goin. I am. How many days do you have now?

Oh I see you already did this. hummm....well do you think you might keep on planning these events? just wondering...

[Determinatrix]

Playing with fire?

Macks, my friend, Christmas is a holiday about the family. A day of sleeping in and hot cocoa, breakfast at the table together, smooching under the mistletoe, singing loudly to your favorite carol, children's glee, picking up pieces of gift wrap for a week, making a ribbon hat, loving eyes from your wife at her pleasure of a happy family, continuing tradition, etc. So many beautiful gifts.

What if you were to stay sober for Christmas - the family day. Get thru that, feel the joy of a beautiful family day, and then think about New Years. One day at a time.

Merry Christmas to you, Lisa, and your kids,
Dx

[irishlady]

Playing with fire?

Macks, just three words, DON'T DO IT. I'm not jumping down your throat here or having a go at you but, I am trying to be as honest with you as you have just been with us. I've walked in your shoes, thought I was strong enough to control the drinking, took me literally years to realise that it was the drink which controlled me. I wasted all that time and life is too damn short to waste a minute of it.

As for Christmas day and New Years Eve, they are just two days, thats all. Now just think, if you decide to try and drink and moderate it, what will be filling your thoughts during those days, yes, ALCOHOL. When will I start drinking? How much will I drink? Oh sod it, I've had four already, well one more won't do me any harm!!!

Macks, the beast is such a devious and twisted thing, it won't be long before you start to think, well, if I controlled it over Christmas, perhaps I could just drink on Saturday nights, then that will become two nights a week and so on.

My advice, draw a line on the ground and don't step over it, stay safe.

Love to you, Lisa and the children,

Louise xxxx

[Bella]

Playing with fire?

Well said Irish lady...i think that too u r a wise lady XXXX I remember u well when i first started here....bless u

[Tiresias]

Playing with fire?

It's all such an individual journey and challenge, I think the best we can do here is offer what our own paths, struggles, successes, failures, and so on, have shown to us about ourselves, and provide feedback and caring suggestions based upon our own experiences.

I always cringed a bit when people tried to tell me what I "should" do. Even if it was offered in the most sincere and caring and respectful way, I think I sometimes "bucked back" a bit and probably didn't do things I even believed were best, just because somebody had "told" me to do it. There's probably a lot of immaturity and lack of humility in reacting that way, but I guess that has just been part of my nature. I do recognize it more often as a silly way to be, but yet I still recognize the cringe before trying to stifle the feelings.

I wrote the other day about some of my experiences with trying to "drink a little" and controlling it. For me, continuing struggles over whether to drink or not, even after I had caused significant bad consequences when I drank, came from some fairly basic and simple desires. Desires that weren't evil or sinister but which shape most people's lives. I wanted to retain good and eliminate bad. If I could only eliminate the bad consequences, then all my drinking issues would be solved.

That led to wanting to experiment more with moderation and control. Which, of course, I'd already demonstrated I could do neither. Oh, I CAN moderate. But whether any particular effort is successful always becomes nothing but a crap shoot.

And, ultimately, I discover that what I really want is to drink beyond any moderate amount and get to that place that too often causes trouble and bad consequences. So even if I moderated successfully, it was an unrewarding experience for me, almost assuredly leaving me irritated and blaming the world for not allowing me to get where I really want to go. If I got to that point, with some alcohol already on board, with the judgment and the thinking no longer from a sober or rational perspective but from an active addiction with a mission to get to a place I both did and didn't want to get to -- well, the crap shoot becomes fish in a barrel for the addiction and off we go.

For me, the idea of eliminating the bad consequences by any other decision than AF is pure folly. Because to do otherwise only invites that battle which can really never be won -- I'll either have an unrewarding moderation experience leaving me unsatisfied and internally angry and deprived (which will likely lead the active mission on to more crap shoot battles), or I'll be off and running to far beyond moderation and the ugly consequences that are proven to await me.

All I can say is that from my too many efforts at investigating how many "successful" moderation episodes I can string together, the battle really isn't much fun, it is never rewarding or satisfying, it can be exhausting and consuming, and there will most definitely be an unsuccessful and perhaps devastating effort around the corner, one that I might not walk away from with my life or with any dignity, or, worse, one that I might cause serious harm others, or both.

I'm not one to preach, as I believe there are those who are afflicted who can develop a successful moderation plan, and I believe each has a personal path to follow that deserves respect if pursued sincerely toward the elimination of the bad in their lives.

I don't know your history Mackeral, but only you can look yourself in the mirror and know how many times the mind games won you over even when you really knew all along that you were fooling yourself. But l offer my own experiences at trying to fool myself over and over -- that the next drinking episode would be my last -- and that lie would get me through the liquor store door -- only to be telling myself the same lie "next" time.

Best of luck to you. You obviously have many who care and offer you concerned feedback. Your honesty and efforts are truly commendable. And that mirror should give you the answers you need.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Playing with fire?

Macks,
I`ll always support you.......whatever you decide on this. I can also relate to much of what you have said........Christmas and New Year are both magical, albeit extremely stressful times of year.

I can`t possibly suggest what is `right` for yourself as regards drink........only you know the answer to that. None of us can ever beat the booze unless we are completely honest with ourselves........I commend you for being upfront about where you are at with your drinking/not drinking at this time.

However, what I will say is this..........I would dearly love to think that I could celebrate the festive period with a glass or 2 maximum of sparkling wine, but (and here is where my own honesty kicks in).........could I really stop after a MERE 2 glasses of wine??? Well, of course I couldn`t and.........I know I damn well wouldn`t, which makes me ask myself........is it worth the risk??? No, it`s certainly not. I am never going back to where I started out from and..........that is where we will end up, if deluded/crazy enough to play with our preferred fire. Antabuse is your friend and ally, Macks. Drink is your sworn enemy and will be the ruination of any of us who dabble with it.

I wish a sober Macks, Lisa and the kids a wonderful Christmas and New Year, filled with peace and love. :l

Star x

[gabby]

Playing with fire?

Right now your are thinkin you are sorry you ever flippin brought it up arent you?

[DelphicAbstract]

Playing with fire?

I can relate to this

T that is so true--- i just returned from a party where I had one small glass of wine then switched to diet coke, and spent the evening annoyed that I couldn't feel how I wanted to feel (the whole bottle of wine plus scotch etc). I had to flee the party early. I know this isn't everyone but I don't enjoy wine unless I have at least a whole bottle of it!

[happydog]

Playing with fire?

The hardest part has been the overwhelming guilt i have felt while i drank and since.
Hi mack not really sure if it going to help but the question is how are you going to copy with your guilt???? dont really want to answer tht question myself , it could be the big AL QUESTION?.... .....well really if i was in your shoe's..enjoy xmas time the way it should be with the kids... .

All the best to u. and ur family...x.

Teardrop.x

[momof3]

Playing with fire?

I went to a holiday party last night and had a great time AF. I was not looking forward to this party but it was a lot of fun and it was not at all hard to not drink. The anticipation is of the event is a lot harder then what it actually turns out to be.

[cymru]

Playing with fire?

I think thats spot on Gia.

[Mackeral]

Playing with fire?

Wow. I'n not sure what i'm going to do now. I had a plan in my head that seemed do-able. Now not so much. Thankyou very much for the advice. I will have a serious rethink.
Like Tiresias said, i proberly do try and do the opposite of what i'm told. There is a lot of immaturity in that. And the same could be said for my "everything will be alright" decision to drink on these 2 days.
I do honestly think i could moderate for 2 days, But where that will leave me at the beginning of next year. I dont know. I thought if i took the antibuse the next day i would have no option but not to drink. But like Irish said it might eventually turn to every satuday. Then build from there. But i have been strong since October, so why cant i be strong again.
Like i said. I will have a major rethink. And thanks again for all your advice, time and support.

Love as always Macks:l

[cymru]

Playing with fire?

Just wanted to say how proud i am of Macks, 19 days sober today and he's made a big difference in our life, the kids have got their daddy back and they love it, well done baby always and forever by your side.....I Love You




Love Lisa x

Remember this post macks. Its not worth taking a risk for 2 days that could very well turn into a whole lot more. Do you really want to start from the beginning again?
All the best.