New thing for me

[Bella]

Hi all....

I tried to talk tonight to my husband...about my secret problem.

It ended with him saying..".dont go on MWO ...you know what happens when you go there

you end up drinking till god knows when and ...."

So, there we go. I have support...Not.

Anyones help here for me would be good as i feel like shit. BellXXXXXXXXXX

[betty boop]

New thing for me

Bella, We are all here for you, my family dont understand either ......

The people here at MWO are here for you .......

BB xx

[keepwalking]

New thing for me

Bella surely its not a secret. he knows doesnt he? you have talked a lot about incidents in the past that he has supported you through?

[hippie37]

New thing for me

Bella I feel you've not been getting the support you need for a long time with your husband to be honest. Sorry to be so public about it hon. I feel it's time though YOU took control over your situation and made YOUR problem less of a problem for him to moan about. Show him what your worth honey. You're a lovely person but I think like me sometimes you feel the need for acceptance too much. I think just being true to ourselves gives us that greater freedom to accept ourselves in the first place. You've been with me since DAY1 here have you not? we drifted apart for a while but re-connected recently again to which I was grateful. Bella send me an e-mail with your number yeah and hopefully we can talk about things a bit further. This is a hard enough time of year as it is for MANY people; myself included but don't ever feel like you could burden me with a call OK? I'm here if you need me.

Love and Happiness my friend
Hippie
xx

[keepwalking]

New thing for me

great post hippie, bella take heed, very wise words xx

[DeeBee]

New thing for me

Bella, are you okay?
I'm here for you! Please let us know you are okay... or if you aren't. There are many here that care deeply for you and support you.

[bestlifeldms]

New thing for me

Bella, Unless another has our same problem they cannot understand. I experienced a similar reaction from my hub, at some point. When I explained it as, "If I attended AA regularly, and that is how I was able to maintain my AF existence, would you object? Or would you encourage me to continue to go? This is no different. It is a tool, like AA, and it helps me." He understood then. Congratulations on your achievement!

[Popeye]

New thing for me

Hi Bella,
MWO has always been both an outlet for me and a source of great support.
I know that people who haven't experienced the help given on this, or any other website, cannot understand wht we come here, or even why we came here in the first place. It's as if we're doing something odd. They just don't get it. It can be a very lonely battle, but don't give up giving up.
I hope you feel better soon.

[Lila]

New thing for me

Bella,
You have told him you have a drinking problem, maybe he is shocked, and afraid and now you are on the internet quite a bit, and he has linked the two together. He is probably acting from fear. Maybe make sure he knows one came well well before the other.
Take care and hang in there!
Lila

[Cinders]

New thing for me

Bella;497404 wrote: Hi all....

I tried to talk tonight to my husband...about my secret problem.

It ended with him saying..".dont go on MWO ...you know what happens when you go there

you end up drinking till god knows when and ...."

So, there we go. I have support...Not.

Anyones help here for me would be good as i feel like shit. BellXXXXXXXXXX

Bella,

My husband has said the same thing to me many times. If MWO helped, YOU WOULD BE CURED.

He also does that when I go to AA meetings.

I so wish we could just log into a site and be "cured.'

However, Bella, your hubby (a "normal" drinker who will continue to do so no matter how hard it is for you......) does not have a clue how difficult our struggle is.

I do, we do, we are here.

Love,
Cindi

[KateH1]

New thing for me

You know, first of all.....Bella, from what you have told us, your drinking problem is not a secret. I bring this up to make a point.......a point about honesty. As problem drinkers, or alcoholics we live a very dishonest life. Even though we might be honest in every other part of our lives, we are not honest about our drinking, while we are still drinking. Then we wonder, and complain about our loved ones not trusting us! Is it any wonder?

Is it any wonder, after years of our loved ones putting up with our excuses, and our talking of all the ways that we are trying to deal with our issues, AA, MWO or any other resource, yet, we still drink.....these loved ones are not over the moon after we don't drink for a couple of days????? Is this "Their" problem?

I can tell you, it took my loved ones a long time to finally trust me, in regards to my drinking. It is only recently, after nearly a year of not drinking, that my loved ones can finally acknowlege that I have stopped the madness. Yet, even now, I think that I still have a ways to go before they can completely trust me when it comes to alcohol. I am still earning their trust! That is understandable and OK with me!

xxx Kate

[Michaela]

New thing for me

Hi Bella. I know it's a difficult thing to admit and accept. I have had countless times I would blame my sinus' acting up for my headache's when in fact it was a hangover. Once I became honest with myself AND OTHERS I felt free and less guilty. I think you should take Hipps advice and do what you need to do for YOURSELF and by yourself. That is what I did. It makes me feel proud. After all, it was me and only me pouring the drinks down my throat. I have MWO to thank to know I wasn't a FREAK. I was a Mother and a Wife who drank way too much and you know what? I wasn't the only one who did it (which I thought I was for so long). I just had a problem and I am now solving it. Simple as that.

Best of luck to you. WE are ALL here for you. This isn't a battle your fighting alone. We are all an army here. So, put your boots on and get in line Soilder!

Mich

[thirdsister]

New thing for me

Bella,

I am sorry to hear that your husband isn't supportive of you using MWO as a support system in your recovery. My sister told me about this site and for quite some time I was very suspicious of it. It was only after I came on here myself and saw what a wonderful place this is and with so many beautiful people that I became supportive of her using it.

However, I fear this has backfired for her because now she is uncomfortable with her family members being on HER site. So, while we support the site...it has now become ANOTHER source of disagreement and distrust Be careful what you wish for. Maybe, in the long run, it is better that he just doesn't understand this site because I think you have to SEE it to understand it and as my family's experience shows...that isn't always the best thing for you.

I think you suffer the same burden as my sister, you are desparate for the approval of your family. Please listen to what everyone is saying...YOU have the power to recover. Approval may be nice, but it is NOT neccessary. I mean, what if you never get it? Will you let that stop you from living a better, healthier, happier life?

Please don't use your husband's lack of support as an excuse to continue down your destructive road. I think my sister does this. I think becuase she is depressed she has a lot of self loathing. She doesn't believe in herself and is looking for others (namely my parents) to lift her up enough to be strong enough to finally believe in herself. However, that kind of strength...can only come from within.

Well, I'm babbling. But before I end this, if you are struggling with anxiety and depression which is making it difficult- nearly impossible- to feel you are strong enough to do this w/out your husband's support I recommend checking out Lucinda Basset's program called "Attacking Anxiety and Depression" It is a wonderful program that will give you the skills to deal with your anxiety and depression. Perhaps with the those new skills you will find fewer reasons to drink and you will also realize your own inner strength. YOU ARE YOUR SAFE PLACE, YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE, YOU CAN DO IT!!

Kate,
Thank you for your words. They are lovely words for me to hear from a person in recovery. I hope someday my sister will have the same PEACE and UNDERSTANDING about what her family has gone through and that it will take a long time for us to heal all these wounds.

With HOPE
Thirdsister