Divorce thread

[Lila]

Divorce thread

Yes, I know what you mean. I used to go to al anon. I have had those feelings myself, but I have since outgrown them. You are NOT that powerful. He is a big boy and he gets to make choices for himself.
Divorce is very hard, especially probably for people like him. But again, that is HIS deal, his life lessons to learn. You are not God and you cannot spare him any pain that he has created for himself.

Take care,
Lila

[inhiding]

Divorce thread

I concur with Lila, he's a big boy and you cannot be responsible for his drinking/drugging. You are going thru just as much hell as he is and you are seeking the right answers. He has got to find that on his own. You will probably alway love him (in your own way) but can't always be responsible for his reactions. Best of luck. I didn't have the guts to see the divorce thru...

[irish eyes]

Divorce thread

time2change;522175 wrote: had. I suddenly feel like I am driving him to it. I am worried I will feel guilt over what he does to himself for a very long time and that after the divorce is final in the next few weeks he could really do himself harm. He is not a healthy person and drugs and alcohol are a very dangerous thing for him to mess with.
I am not in love with him but I still feel like I am hurting him. Any advice from those who have been through this may help.

Hi Time2change
I know exactly waht u are saying. I divorced 11 years ago and it was the most painful difficult time of my life. Primarily the pain was my guilt at leaving him and all the 'what ifs' came tumbling in waht if he kills himself, what if he gets sober, waht if I crack up, what if god doesnt forgive me!!!! and a zillion more what 'ifs' . On reflection I had put myself on such a pedestal for as far as i was concerned I was the only one who could save this man from himself, from his destructive ways and without me he would die. How arrogant was I? I got loads of therapy at the time and it really helped particularly around the guilt. My husband did not kill himself and he still drinks today and is quite capable of looking after himself. Hope some of this helps you, feel free to pm me any time. I was going to Al Anon at the time and they were very supportive. Be gentle with urself and remember u are not hurting him you are merely looking after yourself. It is survival of the fittest in a situation like this. When u start thinking of the other person u loose sight of urself.
Luv x

[Captnjack]

Divorce thread

Great post irish sweet time this breaking up thing stinks Id rather naw on a lanced boil aside from the loss of lucy ( well i still see her) I am begining to realise we should have separated a long time ago its like the outta date sign on the eggs

[irish eyes]

Divorce thread

Captnjack;522399 wrote: Great post irish sweet time this breaking up thing stinks Id rather naw on a lanced boil aside from the loss of lucy ( well i still see her) I am begining to realise we should have separated a long time ago its like the outta date sign on the eggs

Hey Captn
It is a very painful time - again try it one day at atime even one hour at a time. Do u need to see her at the moment or are u opening up old wounds every day or perhaps not even allowing the wound to heal in the firstplace. That is a good sign when u realise realise that u should have separated a long time ago. It took me so long ( a few yrs) to get to that stage. I love your egg analagy!! Look after yourself you were not put into this world to suffer, rather to be happy and you have the power within you TO ACHIEVE SUCH HAPPINESS. Believe me it will get better stand back from her let her go. U dont hold on to out of date eggs!! (love it)

[Captnjack]

Divorce thread

Thanks irish eyes youre right on all points!!!!!!! So why do we separate thats the bit I dont get why do we begin to hate each other why do we destroy ourselves I mean we used to embrace ourselves and say ILOVE YOU FOREVER i am so happy I love you soooooooooooo much then the end comes!!!!!!!! I was led to believe it lasts forever its like the dulux paint 30 year guarantee no peeling thing love is very shallow

[irish eyes]

Divorce thread

[QUOTE=Captnjack;522409]Thanks irish eyes youre right on all points!!!!!!! So why do we separate thats the bit I dont get why do we begin to hate each other why do we destroy ourselves I mean we used to embrace ourselves and say ILOVE YOU FOREVER i am so

Hey Capt
Only answer I can give to that is Life takes over and shit happens.

[time2change]

Divorce thread

Thank you all for your replies. I am finding that no matter how easy I thought this would be it is an emotional roller coaster. I just had to run an errand and heard this song and it so expalins how I feel. I truely want to beleive that I am taking the high road. I lived through my parents divorce where she wanted to be "right" and wanted us kids to pick sides. I can not do that to my kids. You guys have been so supportive and I thank you all!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH4y79KhfuE[/video]]YouTube - Seether- Breakdown (lyrics)

[irish eyes]

Divorce thread

Poor u time 2 change, it never was going to be easy. I believe it was the thoughest most painful thing I ever had to experience. I could almost feel the wind howling through my very soul. You will work through the emotions and come out the other side. With regards to your children he is their Dad and they have not divorced/ separated. It is important to encourage them to meet with him if it is safe to do so. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to grieve this is a living death but no funeral no ritual. Please pm me any time
Luv x

[rudemama]

Divorce thread

yeah separation its been a raw 17 days for me happy f****** new year......but like captn i misread the expiration date. i read somewhere that separation is painful because as animals or something genetic we are programmed to stay together as a couple so separation is so hard we don't do it......on the flip side my friends i am doing ok.....yeah there is the roller coaster thing i find embracing those feelings anger sadness resentment fear remorse and a whole host of others, really feeling them even exagerrating them screaming crying smashing around really helps...one has to get through it stay strong focus on a new you outside the relationship rudemama

[cowgal]

Divorce thread

time

Time 2, I wish you strength in this hard part of your life, I will be following some of your footsteps, the fear is paralyzing and driving me to drink again I think. I think you should (As I have been told to do) focus on today, esp me since the fear of living alone is driving me crazy. Right now, at this moment, enjoy your kids, go to the beach for 1/2 hour w/ them (?? Is that possible??) I hope you do well, with all my heart........................lots of love,

MA

[cowgal]

Divorce thread

hi again

There is a song(of course the music lover that I am) by Shinedown, called (I think) "Sometimes Goodbye is a second chance"..Called "Second Chances"., (Just downloaded from Itunes)................it is an awesome song BTW.............

just my two cents worth................
MA

[time2change]

Divorce thread

MA
This is for you....and me. Thanks for being there for me when I needed you most. I will be here for you too.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikwcm6o2dU8[/video]]YouTube - shinedown second chance lyrics

[cowgal]

Divorce thread

you rock!

I am sitting here bawling my eyes out, I love that song!! you ROCK, you can do this, and I can too.....................thanks!!!:thanks:

I love you dearly, you CAN do this!:clapclap::wd:

MA:l:h

[time2change]

Divorce thread

MA
I know how you feel and I think we should get together. I will PM you.
Luv ya
Time