Divorce thread

[Gearhead]

Divorce thread

I'm in that boat. Weird, but our divorce started nasty (she left me for greener grass Jan of this year, then tried to extort me to take $$ out of my 401K to pay for her tummy tuck/ boob job-- which did not pan out for her). Anyway, things worked out pretty well in court since neither of us had attorneys, and we had to come up with fair and reasonable terms to the case manager. I kept my house (which negated my retirement money with its negative equity), she's looking for her own. We had some rough times, but we've come full circle now. I feel like I really spent alot of time medicating myself with booze as I was depressed and morning the loss of my wife and change of my family. Now she's calling me to chat, and we are rebuilding the friendship we had. I guess I was really sore about being left, but eventually ran out of reasons to stay mad.

[mario]

Divorce thread

Just thought i would throw this in,well iam separated/divorced nearly 18 years,now back talking and pretty cival to each other,met the last partner i was with in june who i was with for 7 years,she seems fine with me as well,in a new great relationship now for the last 3 years,i do wonder how that will go.i have been unlucky in love.,having said that this is the first sober relationship i have had,well except for my mother.

[golfpro]

Divorce thread

I am in the middle of a divorce myself. I didn't go back and read every post in this thread, but I read quite a few. I didn't see anyone address the issue of step-children in a divorce, so I was wondering if someone else has any advice or a similar experience. I have a step-son that I have been trying to see since we separated. I raised him as my own son for 3 years through love, support, financially providing a very nice home, food, schools, vacations, etc. I coached his little league team, helped with his homework every night, played video games with him every day, watched the cartoon network and disney channel every night with him. I could go on and on. I took him everywhere with me. When I wasn't working he has attached to my hip. When she decided things weren't exciting enough for her and left she has not let me see him. I let her take anything from the house that she wanted (I owned the house before we met) and she even took some very personal items that I very politely requested back and she has not returned them. I have let the property things go and only asked her to let me see my step-son, which is the only thing I asked of her when we separated. She has not allowed me to see him. I miss my step-son and not sure what to do. I don't have any parental rights. What should I do?

[mario]

Divorce thread

hi golfpro i dont really know what to say,in my last relationship as in this new one there are children/teenagers.hope i am not been to blunt here but when i was with my x i was with her for her not her children,and when the relationship broke down whatever feelings i had for the children in the woman's eyes didn't come into it,i was not the biological father so i had to let them go,plus as far as i no you dont have any rights,they are all in favour of the mother.I know its hard but you have to move on.

[golfpro]

Divorce thread

Thanks Mario. You are not being too blunt. I was not with my ex because of her son. When we first started dating if I stayed at her place and he woke up and saw me there it was just because I came over for breakfast. We protected him very much until they moved into my home and we got married a few months after that. We had a planned out of town wedding on a cruise ship with just the two of us, but had a reception when we got back were my step-son (9 at the time) performed the ceremony as the minister in front of our family and friends. He is a very charasmatic kid and a born perfomer. To this day I am sure he believes he actually married us. I know I don't have any rights, but it is hard to move on. I miss my little dude.

[ronnie]

Divorce thread

Hi Golfpro
Is there anyway that you could contact your step son even if it is by letter and ask him is he wants to see you and if so maybe he could have a word with his mum, im sure at some stage she would like a break for a few hours from her son.

[golfpro]

Divorce thread

Thanks Ronnie for the advice. I have not tried to contact my step-son directly. I thought the best and most respectful way was to go through his mother. He has a cell phone, which I bought for him with his mother's permission. I think I still I pay his monthly cell phone bill even though I can't see him. If I could talk to him I would tell him to stop sending so many text messages, unless they were to me. lol. I know he wants to see me. I would think she would like a break sometime and I would love to have him. I have emailed her and asked if I could take him to a water park, Washington Nationals game (we live 45 minutes from DC), out to lunch or dinner. I would love to have him for a weekend if she needs a break and go out and have fun. I am not sure what else I can do.

GP

[mario]

Divorce thread

my thoughts are with you golf pro,

Have you tried getting a message to your x through a common friend, or relation that she likes or talks to,as its not easy on her either.?
I would be careful about contacting your stepson himself,could cause bigger problems.he is in the custody of his mother till he is 17/18.
I dont really know what to say,i do hope it works out for you.

[fig]

Divorce thread

What about texting him yourself? I'm assuming he's around 12 or 13 now? Believe me, kids that age live for their text messages and check them constantly!!!!

[LozzyJane]

Divorce thread

Hi everyone

Interesting that I just came across this thread - last night my husband told me he is leaving and wants a divorce. He can't take any more of my drinking and depression. He wants to take my girls 50% of the time and I'm so scared about that - they are my life.

He's also trying to convince me that the best and fairest way for the property settlement is to split 50/50. We have more than one property and he said if I went for more we would never speak again and it would damage our daughters beyond repair.

He has also threatened to stop working if I go for more (which in Australia is often up to 75%).

Mind games and threats, but I'm stuffed. I don't work, he earns quite good money. He pays for everything and doesn't value me at all for all the things I do as a homemaker. He just considers me a drunk. Even when I have given up for long periods of time he didn't even comment, let alone commend me.

He won't leave the house and won't even leave our bed ("why should I - it's my bed, and my alarm clock is in there!"), even though we have a vacant apartment he could move to for a few weeks so we can sort this out.

It was so very painful telling our daughters, they cried and cried. My youngest is just so very upset, she said she hates her life now and it breaks my heart.

By the way, this is day 4 of my sobriety! I figure if I was going to have a drink, it would have been last night for sure! I'm not going to give him any more ammo to use against me in court (if we reach that stage and I don't fall for his crap about settling things fairly). Maybe that is the best way, but he doesn't even want me to explore my options and find out my rights.

LJ

:thanks:

[greeneyes]

Divorce thread

Lozzy, get legal advice. My husband left me right after I quit drinking and it was the best thing that could have happened. Keep your sober head about you and arm yourself with knowledge. You can handle this. You may not realize this now, but YOUR life does consist of more than your girls. Hang tough! :l

Wait a minute..... he said he's leaving but he won't even leave the bed? Huh?

[greeneyes]

Divorce thread

golfpro, you may not have rights, but you don't have restrictions from contacting him do you?

[LozzyJane]

Divorce thread

Must add that nothing ever happens in the bed - except his damn snoring!!!:H

[golfpro]

Divorce thread

Greeneyes - There is nothing legally keeping me from contacting him, but it is difficult without his mother supporting us maintaining a relationship.

[greeneyes]

Divorce thread

I'm so sorry golfpro. Keep your chin and your hopes up. :l