Angry and frustrated

[Lou]

Hi all,

im now feeling really angry, iv gone through all the passive soppy stuff and now im thinking hang on a minute he has known about my ilness from day 1 iv never hidden it from him and fair enough it cant be easy to deal with. But his reasoning that he needs space suddenly strikes me as quite unfair because we are in this together, were a team...yes he might need space at the moment but i need him and that hasnt even come in to the equasion, he's just done what he needs and im left alone for new years while he is miles away with our friends. thats not how it works, if it was the other way round there is no way i would have left him smack bang in the middle of a bipolar episode. My initial thoughts were ok he may be worried about me going a bit crazy again and making a show of him in front of friends but iv been with him and these friends lots of times and nothing has happened...plus if that was the case why not stay with me. I hate being angry and its just crept up on me all of a sudden, but why should i play the passive pathetic victim here? i have an illness and i feel like im being punished for it... you know i feel patronised, like "stay at home alone out of the way like a good little bipolar girl" i know theres no way he will be doing this on purpose but i feel like shit and i want to tell him but thats gonna go down really well when he's there with his brother and friends...i'll just end up looking even more nuts. To think that 2 days ago i was devastated cause i thought id ruined everthing and now im annoyed and actualy considering finishing things myself...im so confused and frustrated

Sorry for the rant an it'll prob make no sense if youve not read my last few posts!!!

Lou-Lou xx

[hart]

Angry and frustrated

((((Lou Lou)))))


I haven't been on here much so I don't really know your whole story. But being bipolar myself AND dealing with one who is depressed a lot (hubby) I've been on both sides of the coin.

Do keep taking your meds and if you need to increase them call your doc. I had to recently and it helped.

AND try and keep busy, either talk with or visit a friend, rent a comedy, Treat yourself to a nice long bath with candles burning, get into your most comfy PJs and treat youself to some tea or cocoa.

No it's not fair when they don't understand and I try and I have a very understanding hubby so I'm lucky and sometimes I get very frustrated with Joseph's procrastination and depression, but nobody said life will always be fair. Thinking of you hon.:l

[Accountable for Me]

Angry and frustrated

Ah, Lou-Lou. So sorry you are going through a rough time. I know you are feeling like you are being punished because of an illness. I guess in some ways you are? Being bipolar sucks. I know. Are you on any medications for this? I know my moods have stabilized immensely since my doctor got me on the right 'cocktail'. The less I drink; or abstain I feel much more balanced. Drinking just worsens it. As you know.

Anyway, I think it bites that he has ditched you for New Years. That is pretty harsh. I can understand that he needs space - but New Years? You have every right to be angry at him. And I am guessing he has his right to be angry with you?

I don't know what I am saying, but I feel for you, girl. Relationships are complex things - add manic depression/bipolar & substance abuse to the mix it can be f'd up.

Glad to see you here. Keep posting your feelings - it will help you. Big hugs. xoxoxo

[Heavenly]

Angry and frustrated

Sometimes just writing it down can alleviate the feelings of frustration and stress, it can also save you saying to him something you may regret at a later time ... post here rather than be aggressive to your partner ... good luck with sorting it out ...

[nancy]

Angry and frustrated

Hi Lou

It sounds like you are sitting there simmering. I think it would be better for you to talk to a friend then get into a lot of negative thinking about him.

I don't mean this to sound harsh at all but he has his life to consider. It's not just that you have an illness, it's that you are not taking care of the illness it sounds like. Self-medicating with booze which will just make it worse. You need to take meds as the others said, find the right cocktail and work to get off the booze.

Don't drive someone who loves you away. And don't just stay there and feel sorry for yourself. AGain, don't mean to be harsh, just want to snap you out of the negative thinking spiral you are in.

Relationships are two-way, your life decisions affect him and vice versa.

I think you should reach out closely to the other bipolar people on this site as I am sure they will be so happy to help.

[southernbelle47]

Angry and frustrated

Lou:l

In reading some of your bio, it sounds like things were coming together for you.
I'm sorry that you felt like you needed to drink.....you don't.
You are a beautiful young lady. Now pull yourself together and call your doc and get back on track. You can......you've done it before.

:hNancy
Ps. God IS Love......we never will deserve Him...

[KateH1]

Angry and frustrated

Hi Lou,
I have read your other posts. It was only a few days ago that you were worried that your drinking and behavior as a result of this drinking, on Christmas, had destroyed your relationship. Your boyfriend has given you another chance, but also taking the time that he needs. This sounds pretty healthy on his part!

Like Nancy, I am not trying to sound harsh, but you do really need to think about this. I am all too familiar with bi-polar and it is not easy. But, drinking with bi-polar is like throwing gasoline on a match! It never turns out well. Keep in mind, you (an he) are dealing with two very separate issues, bi-polar and alcoholism or problem drinking. The drinking is the immediate issue for you to figure out.

Our partners and spouses can support our efforts, but they do have their own live to lead and they deserve happiness. (Just as Nancy said!) If we get out of control and hurt them, they deserve to take some time out to figure things out, no matter what time of year it is. He is probably still pretty shaken by what happened.

Lou, I also agree with Nancy in the fact that you need to talk to some trusted friends. Some of the "Wise Ones" that you know. Let them help you sort through what You need to do to help yourself. No one else can do this for you and no healthy person will enable another to destroy themselves. It does sound like he loves you, please do not push him completely away. In the meantime, I hope you are able to stay away from alcohol....

Best Wishes,
Kate

[Lou]

Angry and frustrated

Thank you all so much for you input...we have spoken and iv told him how i feel calmly and rationaly. He wants to come pick me up tomorrow to spend new years with him, i didnt get upset and i wasnt needy which im really proud of, i have to get better...i know he's my soul mate and i cant lose him. I dont know if i can go though as i'll be going through withdrawal and i cant let him see me in that state. My stupid rationale is "keep on driniking" just to get me through this week...but i know it doesnt end there. I so want to be with him for new year but i cant if im a shaking pathetic wreak

[Lou]

Angry and frustrated

Thank you all so much for you input...we have spoken and iv told him how i feel calmly and rationaly. He wants to come pick me up tomorrow to spend new years with him, i didnt get upset and i wasnt needy which im really proud of, i have to get better...i know he's my soul mate and i cant lose him. I dont know if i can go though as i'll be going through withdrawal and i cant let him see me in that state. My stupid rationale is "keep on driniking" just to get me through this week...but i know it wont end there. I so want to be with him for new year but i cant if im a shaking pathetic mess

[Jewel]

Angry and frustrated

Lou, I think it is great he wants to be with you for New Years. This is a huge chance to really put forth the effort to start healing from the pain alcohol brings.

You are not a shaking pathetic wreck. I think it is time to start to think positively!