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[dove]

Hi all
Okay so I am a failure. I can't control my drinking. I am an alcoholic. No time like a new year to try again. I know that I need to stop. Once again I blacked out last night. I will be 32 years old in a couple months. It is time for this to stop. I need to realize that I am an adult and life is not just a big party. I need to realize that there are ways to deal with life that are better for me and my relationships than getting drunk. I need to not drink alone. I need to stop at two drinks. I need to rid myself of the guilt I feel for past things done while drunk. I need to find other ways to hang out with friends. I need to have a diet coke at the bar instead. I need to not make a big deal out of this and just do it. I need to re-read this post every day from now on. I need to print this out and put copies around where I can see them daily. From now on I am no longer a drunk. No big deal - just do it!
Dove

[dill]

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Sounds familiar!

I could have written that myself! Well, except for the age of 32 thing. I'm actually old enough to be your mother! I drank when I was 32, but was in control then. I lost that control sometime during my 40's. I seem to get worse all the time. It doesn't get better unless you decide to change it. And boy is that easier said than done!

[UKSean]

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Hang in there Dove

Welcome to my world

You have the opportunity to do something while still quite young, unlike Dill and I (sorry Dill).
I tried to "cut back" I tried less alcoholic drinks, but in the end I became out of control.
It was only until I admitted I was indeed an alcoholic. Then I took action. I was a better person to give in to the drink. I'm a good person, my choice's were not. Your past is like a book you have read, you know whats in it , but if you go back and look at it again you will see things you missed seeing the first time. Like what was it that made me go out and get plastered and black out. Was I running away from something? Was I trying to relive a moment when I was happy?. That's what I did. I don't go to bars or clubs, I don't keep alcohol in the house because I know that sooner or later I will have it inside me, that's the madness of the disease. I will do anything it takes to keep me sober. I cant tell you what to do, only what is working for me. I have been to A.A. meetings I read books on recovery everyday, I keep a positive attitude(this is a hard one but I have found if I keep telling myself to be positive I can fool my mind into thinking just that) Lets face it I fooled my mind into thinking I can moderate my drinking. Bottom line? Do everything you have to do to stay sober. Keep coming back here, and don't be afraid to reach out for help, because when you reach out to me for help , you in turn help me. Get plenty of books on the subject of addiction the more you understand about it the more tools you will get to deal with it.
Best of luck to you. If you ever need anything just come on here or feel free to P.M. me.
Sean...

[dlw]

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Hi Dove, welcome back, sounds like you have a Great 2009 resolution. Make sure to come to this sight often, and use us as support while you start your new journey to sobriety. We offer alot of encouragement and will always be here for you

[cymru]

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I can't control my drinking. I am an alcoholic.
I need to stop at two drinks.
Hi dove. I think these 2 lines that you wrote are very important to conquering your alcoholism. In my view, if you are an alcoholic there is no choice in the amount of alcohol you consume. If you start drinking, then the alcohol has control of your body and you will drink and drink, and more often then not end up as you did last night. If not all the time now, then in time you will.
I am 33, and have realised that to save myself i had(ve) to stop drinking for good. There are no options, no choice, i have passed the point of no return. The only way to cure my alcoholism is abstinence.
After 32 days, i am beginning to feel like i am once again in control of my life. In charge. It was my choice, not the bottles, and i refuse to let the bottle take control again, no matter how hard it tries. Now i know that it will always be there. For the rest of my life, but as long as i control MY body and feelings I can choose. And as hard as it seems now, and in the future, the choice is an option with 2 outcomes for me.
Alcohol= death
Abstinence=life
I think all of us would choose the latter every time.
Take care, and take control. Its your body, your life,and it can be great, meaninfull and happy.
Cym xx

[ylfa]

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Dear Dove.
I know exacly what you are talking about. You can read my old posts and than you see it. Black out and bad behavior and guilt and shame. To be afraid to open eyes in the morning. To discover that is like some one else was using your body to do shitty things but you were not home in the body. This is the real hell in earth I am telling you because I am still recovering from last drink 12 of december. I am not sure I will ever forgive my self or overcome the shame but I am working on it .
Take care,
you can do this but it takes time,
Ylfa