As some of you may know this has been a very difficult weekend for me. Only a select few can relate to what it has been like for me, but many of you have been around to help. Tomorrow my divorce papers will be sent to a judge who will hopefully sign them fairly quickly and my marriage will be over. It is something I have wanted for a long time but when the reality hit on Friday (husband had them all notarized and handed them to me at 4:30 Friday) I was much more emotional than I expected to be. It was like I was smacked in the face with the reality of being alone. The thing is I have been alone in this relationship for a very long time. But suddenly I told myself it is all up to you now. I can sink or swim but I do it on my own.
As a side note I had a reality check today on the alone thing. Husband is off at the football game I took my sons car and for the first time all weekend left the house. I was afraid that I would not be strong enough to not buy alcohol this weekend so I just stayed in. (Funny because there is more than enough alcohol in the house if I really wanted it.) Anyway, decided to go one town away to drop the books at the library. Come to find out their library is open on Sunday. So I parked the car went in and when I came our the car would not start. Right there in the parking lot I had an emotional melt down. Thought who can I call and completely came up blank.
But the real reason I am writing this is because I have spent a lot of time this weekend reading, posting and chatting. I just wanted to thank you all for being around when I really needed support.
I not only learned a lot from reading, met someone in chat going through the same thing as I am (I?m sure we will be around to support each other) but I also passed the time that I would have otherwise spent alone.
I feel better than I did on Friday and I know that I will be OK. I could not have taken this step if had I not faced my issues with alcohol. It was an important part of me realizing that I am strong enough to face challenges. I still worry all the time about letting alcohol back in my life, but I think that is a good thing. For those of you who have helped me get to this point in my life I want to say thank you for your help. You may not even know that you have helped me or someone else, but all the posts (pictures included IAD), Pm?s, e-mails, and chats have the ability to touch someone else. So I guess I just want to say thank you to everyone. The emotions are still here but I am feeling better. Thanks
As a side note I had a reality check today on the alone thing. Husband is off at the football game I took my sons car and for the first time all weekend left the house. I was afraid that I would not be strong enough to not buy alcohol this weekend so I just stayed in. (Funny because there is more than enough alcohol in the house if I really wanted it.) Anyway, decided to go one town away to drop the books at the library. Come to find out their library is open on Sunday. So I parked the car went in and when I came our the car would not start. Right there in the parking lot I had an emotional melt down. Thought who can I call and completely came up blank.
But the real reason I am writing this is because I have spent a lot of time this weekend reading, posting and chatting. I just wanted to thank you all for being around when I really needed support.
I not only learned a lot from reading, met someone in chat going through the same thing as I am (I?m sure we will be around to support each other) but I also passed the time that I would have otherwise spent alone.
I feel better than I did on Friday and I know that I will be OK. I could not have taken this step if had I not faced my issues with alcohol. It was an important part of me realizing that I am strong enough to face challenges. I still worry all the time about letting alcohol back in my life, but I think that is a good thing. For those of you who have helped me get to this point in my life I want to say thank you for your help. You may not even know that you have helped me or someone else, but all the posts (pictures included IAD), Pm?s, e-mails, and chats have the ability to touch someone else. So I guess I just want to say thank you to everyone. The emotions are still here but I am feeling better. Thanks
I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
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