From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

[peacenik]

From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

i know i can't moderate (i've tried!!!) and my body is yelling at me to stop this madness. i am just now realizing that i need to be af in order to live life the way i want to live it and stop living it the way alcohol makes me live it.
here's to being able to be who we want to be!

[dlw]

From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

Cassy, my husband drinks too- daily but in moderation and knows when to stop. It is hard, but
do able .
I have figured it out that I will never be able to join him in his nightly cocktails anymore, I've tried- but failed, Its all or nothing with me- so I will never be a moderator! I tried, but just doesnt work for me

[ABP]

From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

All too familiar

I quit drinking for 10 months.

Then thought i could have a drink.

1st week ok
2nd week ok but drinking more
3rd week drinking more and wrote myself off on the weekend
4th week - drank on Sunday didn't work in Monday, didn't work all that week

5th week quit my job as i knew i couldn't cope

Got 4 days up, slipped got another 4 etc. all over xmas and new year.

Just couldn't stop drinking!!! - I was nuts!

Tried it and saw the results - 6 of those 10 months were amazing - new job, new flat etc. why would i even think of drinking and taking that chance again but I did.

That's how I know i can't moderate - 10 months of recovery blown in 5 weeks.

Perhaps the best way to look at is does your life improve when you don't drink. If the answers yes why bother.

[Eve11]

From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

Thanks to those who posted and hoping more will contribute to the thread. Lots of good info and I appreciate everyone's responses. Keep posting as we can all learn from each other's experiences.
Hugs,
Eve11

[TiredofHiding]

From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

Hi Eve - I remember swapping some messages with you months ago.

Your question about when we switched from mod to abs is good and I've reflected on it a lot over the last several sober months.

I went AF for 90 days early last year and then thought I was ready to moderate, by May I was back at all the old tricks. In August we were sitting around the pool having drinks and by late that night I was getting sick in the kitchen sink while my family slept, trying to drink water and praying like I've never prayed before. I felt worse than I've ever felt the next two days and think I was close to alcohol poisoning. I had a pain in my side for three days and I thought I might die. The phrase "I might die" echoed in my head for days. That was it. I have been AF since August 25 and honestly don't crave it or want it ever. I feel like I have been given a second chance and I am taking it. That feeling of fear of dying - of not seeing my daughter grow up - of hurting her and my husband and family by killing myself in that way - finally hit me and I knew I could never again drink.

My husband drinks sometimes and over the holidays the adults enjoyed wine and beer. I shared sparkling apple cider with my daughter and knew that I was healthy and whole.

I look forward to being sober 365 days this year.

[SAUSAGE]

From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

Hi Eve
Initally when I first decided to do something about "my problem" I went 107 AF days (my goal was 90 but I just kept going) I then assumed I could moderate (I think everyone does the first time anyway - why shouldn't they be able to if you've never tried and failed to mod before?

Within days I was back at same daily levels as before.

It took another month or so before I was ready to give it another go WHY WHY WHY - why is it so difficult to psyche yourself up for another AF stint, when You know it is the right thing to do, and you've previously had the willpower to go AF for a while - yet its so hard to find the energy / willpower / resolve - call it what you will, to start again.

Anway had about 3 goes at trying to Mod after different no's of AF days. Every time I failed. I now realise I just can't - plus , as someone on here pointed out - even if you can, it's just so complicated torturing your self over when you are allowed a drink, when you aren't and how many etc - its just easier not to at all plus if I did fail, I just couldn' t bear starting all over again.

So that' s basically it, summarised for me - hope that helps?

[Pan]

From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?

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