From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

[bestlifeldms]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

By the way, I should add that for years, my hub hounded me to quit. I was in such denial that I saw this, only, as though "He was trying to control me." Not at all the case. He loved me and it tore him apart watching what I was doing to myself. There was something different about this last time, when he drew his line. I was emotionally and physically bankrupt and just knew at the core of who I was, that this was it...

[Guest]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

A Work in Progress;512817 wrote: Best, I think that's an important "twist" and I agree with you... having a line drawn in the sand by a spouse or partner IS an important (and sometimes the crucial) negative "consequence" of drinking, the one that can tip the balance for many people, and in a good direction. "Final straws" can be life-savers!

The thing is, the way we think about these things is important for long-term recovery... some folks unfortunately stay stuck with a mental image of drinking having been a wonderful thing that they must give up just because of someone else's unreasonable demands (people who are court-ordered into recovery programs are often like that). So... when I hear someone saying that the only reason she is going to stop drinking is because someone told her she had to... I always want to encourage the person to look deeper at the actual reasons that the drinking had become such an issue...

And I am totally with you on what you said... the best and most effective reason of all to quit drinking is for "self-preservation." When I came to truly believe that it was killing me (emotionally, spiritually, and physically), then the choice became very simple. Not always easy, but simple.

Ocean, I hope you're still with us, listening, and thinking, and that you'll tell us how all this sounds to you!

Hi, I am here, reading fast, will write and think more later, thanks for all the input.:thanks:

[Guest]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

Yes, this is my own quest, and it is for myself. I am sorry that my husband is giving me the ultimatum as I have helped him in so many many ways with his own health issues. It really hurts me that he can not see the struggle that I am experiencing. I do understand why he feels the way he does about the drinking, or at least I AM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND. But it is a long story, our life together and how I feel the past has contributed to my continued use of AL. I have been really working on this, lots of therapy and this site is really helping me to understand much more also.

I know for myself I want to not drink. It destroys my creativity. Myself, as an artist, is the most valuable thing I have (or cherish) in my life.
I am at a real crossroad. I do not know if I should accept the divorce as something that really is in the stars for me, and it may well be the best thing for me. But after living with someone for 33 years that is difficult to do, to change a life, and a life style.

Yes, I have made the lists. I did a 30 day rehab in April, and did all the work that goes along with that. I did not stop drinking. I wanted too, but I did not. I am taking Naltrexone and Bacolfen now and it really is helping me alot. I have been AF for short periods of time, then I always think I can drink again, MOD. Never happens.
So that is what is happening for me now, I will continue forward and do the best I can, for myself, and still for my husband and my life alone and/or our life together. Thanks so much for being there all.....:heart::heart::heart:

[A Work in Progress]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

Thanks, Best! Back at ya, totally!!! And yeah... that feeling of "being controlled" can be such a huge barrier! And, so it is a huge minefield for the spouse/partner to deal with. I know that I am a bear when I think someone is trying to control or manipulate me...

Ocean, good for you... like you say, keep moving in a positive direction... and see what unfolds. I hope that things work out wonderfully for you and your husband.

[Guest]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

AWiP, Thanks, I read Doggy Girl's entry and parts of the thread. I had an extremely difficult and emotional day today with therapist and husband discussing the Divorce. I was ready to have a glass of wine, and every store I passed on the way home was beaconing me. But I got here, and did not succumb. I just said ok there are 5 more hours till 10 p.m. to bed, you can do it, don't let the stress cave you in. I did it! i came home and had a nice small bowl of ice cream and really all I wanted to do was get back to MWO for the encouragement I am receiving from this site. So I am getting closer to the end of day 13. And as Doggy Girl would put it: *************!

[A Work in Progress]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

:kudos::kudos:Good for you Ocean!!! That is some very, very tough stuff you are going through.

If you want a daily thread to go to, to read and talk about working on staying free from alcohol, I'd highly recommend the AF (alcohol-free) daily thread that starts up every morning in the Monthly Abstinence section. Very nice people who are seriously working on getting and staying free from alcohol... You would be very welcome there and you might find it helpful...

(Not sure what that avatar means up there but it looked fun. DG really is good at avatars and stuff!!!)

[BridgetJones1998]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

I was here in May and had 21 AF days that went relatively well and felt like I had it all figured out..... this is easy.... I've just never REALLY TRIED to moderate.... I CAN do this... just a little self control. That's all.

I had 2 glasses of wine that first night and probably a few nights thereafter and within a week I was drinking a bottle a night, easlily, sometimes more... just like always. Except.... every day I TRIED.... I FOUGHT... I had internal arguements with myself over that 3rd and 4th and often 5th glass of wine and drove myself absoluetely INSANE. Talk about guilt and self loathing? I didn't think I could hate myself anymore than I already did. But actually TRYING to cut down, day after day, and failing, day after day, was worse than my "occasional" weekly "beat myself on Sunday night" or Saturday morning after an embarrassing spectacle. So, 7 months later I'm back. I can honestly say that after 23 days I am content. I am content saying, as WIP has taught me, "I don't drink". Plain and simple. I was very brave tonight. Met 2 girlfriends I haven't seen for 3 weeks for mexican food. Watched them drink their 16 oz margueritas on the rock, they each had 2, while I sipped my diet coke... and listened to the words start to slur. We told stories, we laughed. I probably told the best stories and the cleverest jokes.... not to brag... but I can be rather witty..... because I have recovered a few brain cells over the past few weeks!

I drank alone. I never could stop once I took the first sip in the day. I could not moderate. As much as I wanted to.

I don't drink.

[Guest]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

AWiP Those are thirteen stars, one for each day AF! I love that kind of reward. Just like 6th grade.

[Ask For Help]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

One more story on why mod.

My experience is closer to SaraSmiles. I do NOW have an "Off" button' before MWO, that "off" button was "out of order" and I felt "my friend chardonnay" had too much control over my life. But in general in life, I don't tend to like to be out of control, and and although I drank a lot in college, being drunk was not really acceptable for me.

However with divorce and the isolation of single parenting I had come to look forward to drinking wine each evening; over time 1-2 glasses/ night become a bottle most nights. It was not good. I didn't "dial for dollars' but would take calls from friends and not always remember the details, occasionally did stupid things (like try to unplug a stopped up sink with a plunger while standing on the toilet for good purchase. . . fell and hurt self and pride). Unexpectedly had to go pick up my daughter from a failed sleepover while intoxicated.

I never did an extended period of abstinence. Being at MWO helped me understand there were others just like me, and that gave me the courage to go to my doc and ask for topo and referral to an alcoholism counselor. The support of my kind physician and weekly visits with a counselor, along with the MWO program (supps, CD, DrinkTracker) and checking into MWO for daily support, helped me learn new habits, confront the issues causing pain, and become more self-nurturing.

So I still have to watch it. Mostly I enjoy drinking moderately for the taste and the slight buzz, the sociability, the pleasure.

Occasionally, I am tempted and and only rarely do I succumb to the wish to "numb out". The ensuing conversation I have (and here we're getting more to Eve's thread of what would make me throw in the modding towel) is: "Do you want to have to give up alcohol altogether? If you can't stay within your goals that's the alternative". I've always been able to get back on track the next day.

So for me after 1 year, modding is what I had hoped for. It was LOTS of work to get here,and it takes some discipline, but there is no endless mental chatter about how many, can I, can't I etc. etc. It's either stay with the program and maintain drinking levels within stated goals, or you're out. And I don't want to be out AND I don't want to go back to where I was drinking too much before. So modding is just right.

Ask.

[Lila]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

Ask,
I can so relate to this!
Lila

[Sarasmiles]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

What good work, and wise thoughts, Ask. Congratulations. Sara

[Kid Shelleen]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

You got it!

Ask,
That seems to be the place we have to get to. I couldn't have said it better
-Kid-

Ask For Help;516043 wrote: ...Occasionally, I am tempted and and only rarely do I succumb to the wish to "numb out". The ensuing conversation I have (and here we're getting more to Eve's thread of what would make me throw in the modding towel) is: "Do you want to have to give up alcohol altogether? If you can't stay within your goals that's the alternative". I've always been able to get back on track the next day.

So for me after 1 year, modding is what I had hoped for. It was LOTS of work to get here,and it takes some discipline, but there is no endless mental chatter about how many, can I, can't I etc. etc. It's either stay with the program and maintain drinking levels within stated goals, or you're out. And I don't want to be out AND I don't want to go back to where I was drinking too much before. So modding is just right.

Ask.

[rubywillow]

From Drunk to Abstinence to Moderation? Why did you come back?

Some voices from the past on trying to mod. (BTW, I'm certainly NOT against modding, if it's successful. However, some people just NEVER get it that it's not going to be.)