HI guys-
Cant remember the last time I started a thread, but would like to share where I am. For the first time since being here, and the first time ever in many, many years, I have made it to 30 days. I am just amazed.
I can't tell you how I am doing this...not really. I mean, I can tell you that I am taking Antabuse, and I can tell you that I am attending AA meetings almost daily, but it is more than that. I have tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, so hard for so long and in SO many ways, but something is different. I don't know if it will last, but I am not letting myself think too much about the future. I am really starting to understand one day at a time. I think I FINALLY got to the point where I really, truly, in my heart, had enough. Drinking was no longer fun, and I wanted to stop more than I wanted to drink. I still miss it, at moments. But every day is a little easier, and i am not going through life feeling deprived!! I am not. i am generally pretty darn happy. I am scared "the other shoe" will fall, but I just try NOT to think too much ( a huge problem of mine) and to just DO. I can't tell you for sure that AA is helping but, I am not thinking about that either. I am just getting up and going through my day, going to meetings, and not drinking, no matter what. The antabuse certainly helps, and I am fearful of stopping at this point, because I still don't trust my thoughts when the thoughts hit, even though they are short-lived.
I have to say, that I am HAPPY as a non-drinker. that is the most important thing i want to say. i don't think I believed I could be. I thought i would constantly be missing the drink. It is not like that. SO, for anyone out there still struggling. dont give up. I have been struggling for many, many years, and never thought this could happen. Again, I make no promises for the future. the fact is that at this moment, and for the past 30 days, I have been contentedly sober. I really hope for 30 more. Life is pretty good. Sleep is AMAZING. Remembering my evenings is a gift like no other. Waking up without a hangover is incredible. Not having to lie about money spent on Al, on getting out to buy booze. not having to worry about where the hidden bottles are, and about getting them out of the house. What an amazing thing.
I just want to share, and hopefully offer some hope to those of you struggling.
With love,
Lucy Van Pelt aka Beth
Cant remember the last time I started a thread, but would like to share where I am. For the first time since being here, and the first time ever in many, many years, I have made it to 30 days. I am just amazed.
I can't tell you how I am doing this...not really. I mean, I can tell you that I am taking Antabuse, and I can tell you that I am attending AA meetings almost daily, but it is more than that. I have tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, so hard for so long and in SO many ways, but something is different. I don't know if it will last, but I am not letting myself think too much about the future. I am really starting to understand one day at a time. I think I FINALLY got to the point where I really, truly, in my heart, had enough. Drinking was no longer fun, and I wanted to stop more than I wanted to drink. I still miss it, at moments. But every day is a little easier, and i am not going through life feeling deprived!! I am not. i am generally pretty darn happy. I am scared "the other shoe" will fall, but I just try NOT to think too much ( a huge problem of mine) and to just DO. I can't tell you for sure that AA is helping but, I am not thinking about that either. I am just getting up and going through my day, going to meetings, and not drinking, no matter what. The antabuse certainly helps, and I am fearful of stopping at this point, because I still don't trust my thoughts when the thoughts hit, even though they are short-lived.
I have to say, that I am HAPPY as a non-drinker. that is the most important thing i want to say. i don't think I believed I could be. I thought i would constantly be missing the drink. It is not like that. SO, for anyone out there still struggling. dont give up. I have been struggling for many, many years, and never thought this could happen. Again, I make no promises for the future. the fact is that at this moment, and for the past 30 days, I have been contentedly sober. I really hope for 30 more. Life is pretty good. Sleep is AMAZING. Remembering my evenings is a gift like no other. Waking up without a hangover is incredible. Not having to lie about money spent on Al, on getting out to buy booze. not having to worry about where the hidden bottles are, and about getting them out of the house. What an amazing thing.
I just want to share, and hopefully offer some hope to those of you struggling.
With love,
Lucy Van Pelt aka Beth
I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
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