Army thread Jan 8 2009

[kaponium]

Hello all! Good to be on board at this time of day to welcome you all! Has been very hot here today - like verrrrrrry bloody hot! Not long home from a good idle town afternoon - library, window shopping, watching kidlets at skatepark.

unfortunately, am feeling VERY like a drink - hugest for ages. Shall NOT succumb - hell I quite simply CAN'T...but hey - had to put it out there. I am just feeling a tad irratible, ya know? SIGH!

IT WILL PASS!

Look forward to seeing everyone! X

[startingover]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Hello there Kapo, good to see you matey. I am sorry you are craving, its feckin horrible isnt it?

I did a cost benefit analysis for myself last night. Writing down what benefited me from drinking and what it cost me....

Benefits of drinking/drugging
I get that mellow relaxed feeling pretty immediately
It takes away my worries for a short time
I can pretend to be someone else
It helps me fit in (????)
It gives me confidence to be with people
I get good ideas when I am drinking

Costs of drinking/drugging
That mellow feeling lasts probably only an hour as I keep loading, then after that comes the bad bits, (include sickness, headache, dizziness, depression, unable to think clearly, bloated, sloppy and a general obnoxious pain in the arse (sometimes ) or overly affectionate and thats pretty yuk too
My worries are still there, only I have added to them or not dealt with them by drinking.
That someone else is false, even I dont believe me.
I dont fit in, it just makes me think I am able to, I start slurring, talking crap, and not being able to follow a conversation. Or I get irritable.
i always need to leave everywhere early because I am drunk.
If I am at home I am in bed ridiculously early.
Nothing gets done, housework suffers, personal care suffers, I dont read hardly at all.
That confidence is just in my stupid head. The next day I am invariably worried about what I have said/done and full of regret.
My looks suffer, my skin doesnt glow, my hair feels duller and drier, my eyes are glassy, I put on weight and feel fat.
My memory is very poor.
Depression is always there sometimes very badly. On occasion I have wanted to die.
I have no motivation to do anything much or plan my life.
So I get good ideas when I am drinking but I am unable to follow them through.
I spend a lot of money on my vices.
I dont want to rely on a chemical to alter my feelings especially when the feelings end up being so negative.
I feel kind of unwell/tired in some way or another most of the time.

Sometimes it helps just to see things in black and white.
I know I have been feeling pretty low lately and this sort of thing just reinforces to me that I am following the right path.

Keep strong sweet.. and yes it will pass x

[akmom]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Good morning all!!!

SO you made my day, if you read my "Never a dull moment thread" somehow I am perfectly capable of having my life turn upside down without a drink.

Hugs to you my friend good to see you!!!!

[Delta Moon]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

you o.k., kap?

[startingover]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Hiya AK and St John,
How are you both doing?
Good to see you AK, its been a while hasnt it? I am just going to see what youve been up to on your thread right now!!!

[Eve11]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Starting Over,
I'm just lurking but wanted to say I loved your cost benefit analysis. Excellent food for thought!
Thanks for sharing.
Hi St. John my friend and warm hellos to everyone else.
Eve11

[neurogenic]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Hi Kapo,

hope you doing ok, you are a lot stronger than this urge, stay strong in your corner, I know you have the will power,

wishes, neuro

[startingover]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Hiya Eve! thank you! Yep, I love to lurk on the Mod Squad too! Such an inspiring thread, its not something I can do, but I love to hear the success stories of those who can.

[startingover]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Hiya Neuro, how are you doing?

[neurogenic]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Hi Starting,

Nice to hear from you. I'm hanging in there, just been one think after another this xmas, .......was hoping staying AF would make things better but not so. Still, could be way worse. Thank god Xmas is done with. Am now just waiting for the 'happy' bit of new year. Getting there day by day.

Enough of that, how you doing? Anybody got something to have a laugh about?

Neuro

[startingover]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Oh Neuro, I can so relate to that thank god chrissy is over with! I was very low too. Doing so much better now thankfully.
Its pretty early in the morning for me right now and I have to get ready to go into the hell hole (work) but the others'll be up shortly. Stick around, they are a pretty inspiring bunch.
Most of all though, hang in there, it does get better, being AF isnt always a bed of roses but it sure as hell is better than being a drunk :-)
Have a great day !

[Guest]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

hello all, feeling better today, had a better sleep. Need to get stuck in this morning and try and get some more of my assignment done. Hope today is the day Starts.

[kaponium]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Starts - thanks so VERY sincerely for your wise and helpful post....I tell you, it was REAL touch and go there for a while - thanks to you and sheer determination, it is passing - it's weird how the craving can be so very strong sometimes. I got a new job today, and start tomorrow - the weekend cheffing was a bit too casual, and today I was offered Maitre D' s job at Speights Ale house - quite prominent restaurant in town here. I reckon the craving was a huge part of that job offer - the self sabotage thing - thinking I could perhaps celebrate (???? DUH) Like, picking up this evening would equal not even make it to the job. So thanks so much, Starts - How are you, darl?

St John, AK, Evie, Neuro - hope you all real good too.

I have been sober and clean since 17 November, and that was the hugest and longest two hours. Man - I hardly ever can last that long without caving in - so THANK YOU ALL!

[kaponium]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

Hi Limey darl. Great you had good sleep.

Yes indeed, Starts - TODAY IS THE DAY....Say Get "lost" to that Boss! x

[akmom]

Army thread Jan 8 2009

To all who believe that it couldn't get worse, at least it isn't -42 with fog so thick I can't tell if my car is in my driveway.

Stay warm, stay safe, stay strong, stay paced, that's why it's only one day at a time. You never know what tomorrow will bring, so make today strong enough to carry over until tomorrow!!!!

Kapo, neuro, limers(so good to see you), starting, and all, I have been sulking too long. I didn't want to bring my daily nightmares to you, and bore you with my day to day problems. Now I remember why this is such a good place, because my day to day problems may have made someone laugh, someone cry, someone pray, someone thank God that they don't have children, or even make someone sit back and say "now maybe I can get through today, because things just aren't that bad". I will truly never know if I help anyone or not, but I do know you all help me, so in the fateful words of great movies everywhere......."I'M BACKKKKKKKK"!!!!!