Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

[Gumby]

Hello to all,

I' m posting here as I am struggling as of late. I wish I could somehow bottle the resolve I have each morning to be AF. Then take it as a pill later in the day when all inner strength seems gone........ I need strength guys. I m not completely down and out, I'm better then I was but not AF. I have been here a while, always lurking and I guess to be completely honest jealous of those who seem to be posting x amount of days AF. I know this comes with hard work and I congratulate those who have done so...but some how the evening kicks in and the urges arise and I succumb...over and over again. I want to be done with this, the constant battle within myself, disappointment in my lack of inner strength. Somewhere, somehow, I?m missing it. I find if I post more, I do better, so this is what I?m doing with exceptionally high hopes and a strong desire to be a better person. I?m feeling very strong now, I hope it will continue. This web site has helped me and now I need to be honest with myself, and those who are around me. I feel I hide it well and maintain a successful life, on the outside. But inside there is a war only I can conquer. So any words of all your great wisdoms and experiences are greatly appreciated and I thank you for taking the time as well. !

[A Work in Progress]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

Gumby, I certainly have been there, stayed there for years at a time.

Here's what I think works: we have to stop relying just on "inner resolve" and begin changing our environment(s) and our behavior, set up some external structures that can be supportive until the inner resolve gets consistently stronger. Getting alcohol out of the house is a biggie. Not driving by our usual liquor stores or places we buy the stuff. Not spending evenings home alone, if that is a trigger. Get friends to help by setting up dates to have coffee or dinner or see a movie or an art show opening... bowling... whatever... Make a commitment to come to MWO and spend at least 30 minutes posting and reading and getting on chat, when a strong urge strikes... then if you still feel at risk.... 30 more minutes. Throw in some 10 or 15 minute walks. Eat something. Read the "tool box" thread. Netflix has been a godsend for me; I watch all kinds of stuff, with none of the commercials that drive me crazy... It really takes more than just telling ourselves not to drink... and hoping that will work.

[Accountable for Me]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

Gumby, it is a complete lifestyle change for sure. You have to do things differently as WIP said. Support is huge in recovery as well.

Funny, I was speaking with my therapist on the phone yesterday afternoon and he asked me if I had any support here. (I moved back 'home' from a different city in mid 2008)

When I was thinking about this question, I had this immediate feeling of loneliness. The only person that has been consistent in my road to sobriety has been my grandmother. I honestly have no one else that supports my well being. My closest friend supports me but he is so wrapped up in his business these days that I don't see him much. I wanted to drink after our discussion actually. I felt alone in this battle in my real life. But I didn't. It isn't worth it to me, anyway.

So we have decided to put me into a couple of group classes. I am pretty excited about that.

I think you need some people in your life to encourage you. This is tough to do on your own. Not to mention you were recently struggling with a bully at your work and that doesn't make for an easy road.

We are here for you. Keep on trying. Sorry for my own ramble. xoxoxoxo

[Gumby]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

WIP,and AFM..

thanks..you are right. My biggest struggle is becoming truthful with my family. Especially my husband, who knows better, but probably chooses to not say anything for the sake of peace, and maintain our routine. I have 3 children, girls, and I m busy in the evening. Carting them here, there and everywhere. These are things they are committed to and they count on me....so trying to tackle this and not make their lives change to much will need a little creativity. I am going to try to work out more, and longer...and watching more movies something I can do with the family. I will drink more water and try some tea. I'm not to concerned with major withdrawals, I don't drink that much but it is a daily habit that has become a burden. It is mostly a habitual behavoir. I will try the tool box as well, need to be reading it more and more often. Thanks

[Accountable for Me]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

I understand the routine part of it, especially with a family. It sounds like you have been thinking of alternative ways to keep the routine and take care of yourself. Good stuff!!

We are here for you. Posting really helps tons too!

[sunshine_gg]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

I want a bottle of morning resolve!!!!!!

I think the routine part.. the almost automatic reach for a drink is the hardest to break. Not sure - but I sure am struggling as well. Hang in there Gumby - we can do it!

[JAMMS]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

Gumby- You are not alone my friend....the war is inside most of us here....you must, must stay here and post and read and post and read....you can do this!!! Listen to WIP she knows what she's talking about I've been reading her posts and taking her advice since I got here...I've been taking lots of peoples advice..there is a lot of great advice here....no matter what your goal is. Research the supplement threads, really consider them.

Accountable is right... support is HUGE talk to hubby. I was convinced that my hubby would never understand this.... and when I first came here he didn't know about it... after a few weeks I told him all about MWO and that I was going to start taking supps and that I was going to de a Dr. for the Topa and he was and still is completely supportive. So please, please, talk with him about it...you will feel so much better when that "struggling" feeling is gone.

We are here for you :l

How old are your girls?

[CS04]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

Gumby, that is a great way to put it!! I feel exactly the same way. My inner strength and resolve fades at 4 and is gone by 5. I need some changes in routine. Getting AL out of the house is not option for me, though, cause hubby drinks. I feel like I have said these things over and over, so sorry to bore all of you. But know that I am struggling too.

[Gumby]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

CS04...yes putting the alcohol out of the house is a challenge for me as well. My husband does drink, but he is not over the top. So having some beers around is the norm, the problem is I'll have the "just one" and 5 beers later......well you know.... disappoinment. Then bed! It's no way of living, everyday, day in and day out...it gets old! So I know at least tonight I won't drink!

[A Work in Progress]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

CS, I don't mean to single you out because I have heard so many times here that someone says getting alcohol out of the house is "not an option because [the partner] drinks." And I know that presents a BIG obstacle, particularly with some partners who do not understand, or who are very attached to their own drinking.

But... just a thought: What if you had a kid with a severe peanut allergy, what if you developed a severe peanut allergy, and your spouse really enjoyed peanut butter. What then? The point I am making is this: most people understand the seriousness of a food or drug allergy, because "it can kill you." What they are reluctant to understand is that alcoholism, while it is technically not an "allergy," can most certainly "kill you," too. And for many, many people... it does.

I think that when we, ourselves (the ones with the "problem") begin to accept the seriousness of our own situations, and how crucial it can be to have (at least temporarily, and perhaps permanently) a home, a safe haven, that does not have our addictive substance in it... then we have some hope of communicating it to our families AND taking it seriously enough to change our thinking and our behavior...

When we are working on freeing ourselves from alcohol, we would be wise to consider ourselves as entering a self-administered "treatment program," within our own homes and in our daily lives. I am sure we'd be shocked to learn of a treatment program that had an open bar as part of the set-up... little mini-bars in the rooms.... packets of cocaine sitting around... ????

Taking it really, really seriously makes all the difference... I am not imagining that all spouses will cooperate, understand, be sympathetic, etc., but I am suggesting that we, ourselves, cultivate a really serious mind-set about recovery...

[Gumby]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

AWP.....this is a very good point and an obvious one I know. I was just reflecting upon it and I have decided the hubby and I are going to have a talk....a long one, and a very needed one. In the past I can say I have never really dragged him in, as this is on more excuse gone. One more reason why we can't drink and even though a certain part of my brain is saying you want to quit, a different part is saying, once you tell him you surely have to commit. So for me it is fear, not the fear of his response, but the fear of one step closer to never drinking again. Let me explain......I mean once I make it "public" knowledge that this is what I need to do because I have a problem.... well then each time I fail, I don't just disappoint myself, I let him down to. It makes for more pressure.....but I also recognize this is necessary. I have to talk to him. I have one time in the past and I guess his response "well just quit" made me realize that he doesn't actually get it. He doesn't have the same problem I do.

I was just going thru my conversation with him in my mind and I immediately stopped my thoughts because I was going to cry. I felt like I need a time when I can cry, now is not it. I m rambling.... I know but I m nervous about it.

I also have 2 teen daughters who I need to talk to...one will be easier then the other. One, I m not so sure I will even mention it to her, as she has her own issues and right now can't be trusted with my feelings, another long story. I have a 6 year who I will not drag into this right now because she is too young. All and all your response is heard and I appreciate the honesty.

One more thing.... I have a yearly appointment with the doc tomorrow, female doc. She is actually a NP, I have been very reluctant in the past to discuss my issues with any doctors, well because again I m afraid. I work in a hospital, and it is a small community and once this is out then I fear everyone will know. On the other hand I know this is all confidential information....but I also now how the hospital works...what if I have to go for a diagnostic procedure for any given reason….. well then they can open up my information and look at my H&P (hisrtory and physical) and whamo there it will be. My husband works in diagnostic radiology....so I feel like it is a legit concern. I was thinking of talking to her and asking her straight up if I can talk with her about something that I don't want on my record....see her response, and go from there...does that sound reasonable or am I making another excuse...IDK. This is where I m at right now....

[A Work in Progress]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

Sounds like good plans you are developing, Gumby! I do understand the fear, too, and how hard it is to say it "out loud," making it more real. And professional concerns. All those are very real, and worry about gossip and stigma is not unrealistic... I like the idea of approaching the NP in that way... see how she handles it... then go from there? I do hope that talking with your family members will give you some support and a sense of relief from the burden of NOT talking about the ol' elephant in the living room...

[CS04]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

WIP and Gumby, I understand what you are saying about comparing it to a severe/deadly allergy or disease. One of my good friends used the same analogy with diabetes and having sugar in the house. When I decided last spring to finally tackle this (along with depression) once and for all (ha ha), I told hubby about MWO and all of it, knowing that I need to communicate with him honestly to be successful. When I asked him if he would consider doing a couple days AF with me, he said "this is not about me, this is not about us, this is about you." So I felt misunderstood, rejected...and then got drunk. I did mange to do 21 AF days (14, then 7) in June, but there was beer in the fridge and wine at dinner every single night. In Aug. I asked hubby to go one week AF with me, and he grudgingly did. As for him and his drinking, he has told me that he considers himself a "hard drinker." He is a former homebrewer/winemaker and beer and wine are part of everything we do, just about. 6 months ago (and earlier), I wasn't sure if he doesn't have a problem, or doesn't think he has a problem, or has a problem and is unwilling to do anything about it. I am now leaning toward the latter. However, he knows I spend time still on MWO but am still struggling, but has said nothing to me about it. So now that is our elephant in the living room. I think he doesn't want to say anything to me about it because then he will have to confront something himself. Years ago he got angry with me for MY problem. Sorry to ramble, and believe me, I am not using him as an excuse, but I am just not sure how to deal with that part of the issue.

I also shared my struggles with my sister and 2 friends, who are close to the problem but really don't understand. And since I haven't [I]fixed[I] THE PROBLEM, but it's still OUT THERE, I just want to withdraw even more. So Gumby, I really understand how you feel.

[JAMMS]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

WIP- you are amazing!

Gumby- yes, once you say it, it is real, however, you will feel so much better when your family is aware of what your doing...I don't know what you think WIP, but I think that when you talk to them you may want to mention that there may be a time (s) when you do fail and you will need their support when/if that happens...I think it best if they are aware of the possibility that that may happen ....once that is said that becomes "real" also .. do you know what I mean? belive me you are not the only one that feels like this ...the pressure, the disappointment.....this is a very bumpy journey.... Gumby....but you will be glad you told your family.....

You may also have to give hubby and the girls time to take it all in....and realize what this is all about....it may be hard for him to admit that you have a problem as well....

I'd listen to WIP about the profesional concerns as well....

BTW...I don't think there is such a thing as "rambling" here at MWO

[sunshine_gg]

Morning resolve, can we bottle it?

Well said, WIP.... very well said. Thank you.