When your friends give up

[Wannabsober]

Does anyone have any advice for how to handle when your friends are mad and don't want to hang around you anymore because you are just no fun?
I managed to make my best friends upset with me. I am going through a divorce and they are really all I have right now. I am not sure if I should beg for forgiveness or let them be for a while, understanding they have a right to be upset given that I screw up time and time again. Part of me feels they should be there for me through this tough time but then again I think this is my problem not theirs. :upset:

[peacenik]

When your friends give up

i can't advise on the friends, but you have friends here who will support you through this friend crisis and your divorce...hang in there and keep talking to us!

peace!

[A Work in Progress]

When your friends give up

Whos, are they angry with you because of your drinking, or because of not drinking (sorry, I can't tell which it is, from your post)... ?

[BecomingMeAtLast]

When your friends give up

whos,

Tell us more so we can help, ok? We're here for you...

Be

[Accountable for Me]

When your friends give up

I would offer an apology for whatever it was. Do it sober and let your friend(s) know that you are under so much stress from your divorce and need their support. If they are your real friends; and love you, they will understand this is a difficult time and will forgive you for whatever.

My real friends never abandoned me ever. Sure, when I was drinking heavily they didn't go out of their way to visit me much. But every time I phoned them and needed a shoulder to cry on; they were there.

[Wannabsober]

When your friends give up

It's because of my drinking. When we go out and I drink too much I get all emotional because I am ashamed of myself and end up crying or whatnot, or end up doing something stupid.
I went out friday night with an old friend and needed a ride home. Called a friend who lived close to the bar I was at and asked for a ride, apparently that was rude.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

When your friends give up

I agree with accountable, whos. You should apologize when sober. Your real friends will stay by you.

Has this been happening to you a lot lately, due to your stress?

[kitkatsue]

When your friends give up

It seems to me a real friend wouldn't want you to drink and drive.

[A Work in Progress]

When your friends give up

Oh, OK, I see. Well, an apology for the most recent drunk behavior would, I agree, be a good start. But I suspect that your friends are fed up with being around someone who regularly gets drunk... so they probably, most of all, want to see you change your behavior. People do, eventually, get to the point that they will write someone off... whether that makes them "real" friends are not is another question. I would argue that perhaps they feel that the friendship is being destroyed by the alcohol-induced behavior... I've been on both sides of that issue (at one time I hung around in a group in which there were, amazingly, people who drank MORE than me!)... and I can see it from your perspective (it hurts!) and from theirs (they may see you as a lost cause, and too painful to be around)...

So: what's your plan for getting better?

[Wannabsober]

When your friends give up

Yeah, they are drinkers themselves but they don't seem to have real problems with it. They can go out, get drunk, and never seem to regret their drinking. I guess the main difference is that drinking does not cause problems in their lives.
I would think a real friend would not want me to drink and drive, yes. But their point is I should have been more responsible.
All my friends have partners they can trade off with, who drives home. I have nobody so I am always dependent on someone else to drive. And being that I have a problem, I am never the sober driver.
But I am here. Today is day 2.

[Wannabsober]

When your friends give up

Oh I might add, I have read the book, take my supps, and listen to the CD's. My plan is to get by 30 days AF which I have NEVER done since around age 20 but I think I need to do it to clear my head.

[A Work in Progress]

When your friends give up

Good plan! This 30 days is a great time to focus on yourself, re-building your body, brain, and mind; changing the way you think about things, and the way you react to things... If these folks are worth being friends with, they will be happy about the "new you"!!

[cyclefan]

When your friends give up

Good job on the 2 days AF, and good to hear you have a plan. Your friends will like seeing the "new you" in 30 days, keep up the good work!

[Wannabsober]

When your friends give up

thanks, but it seems like such a challenge! I am an every day wine drinker.
30 days is a long time. but I know it can be done.

[A Work in Progress]

When your friends give up

Well, Whos, it is difficult, and most really important accomplishments are difficult, right? How about adding some elements to your plan, about activities you will do during your usual drinking times? Good non-alcoholic drinks to have at hand, at all times? Have you read the "tool box" thread? There's a lot more to this "quitting drinking" than just gritting your teeth and hoping for the best... try to do stuff that is fun, so you don't feel you are punishing yourself...

An example of a way to change your thinking is this: when you find yourself saying "I know it can be done," like you just did... deliberately say to yourself: "It is a challenge, and I know I can accomplish it." The way you engage in silent "self-talk" or inner conversations with yourself plays a VERY important role in our behavior... And instead of saying "I'm an everyday wine drinker," say to yourself: "I don't drink."