Lost my 2nd friend today...

[cjback]

Oh boy, this is a test of strength. Several wks ago I lost my best male pal in the world to a heart attack. He was a very heavy drinker and it took its toll. He was my "savior", long story, but he financially saved my butt thru hell during my disability issues and many other things. I am just starting to try to deal with his death and today I found out my good gal pal, who lives in the state I recently moved from died. She and I kept in weekly contact, struggling with her depression and meical issues. I met her yrs ago at an AA meeting and have remained great friends. Well today when I called her, her son from out of state was there and told me she killed herself a couple days ago. I know how depressed she was and the horrific amts of meds the damn dr's had her on. She had stopped drinking for over a yr but started again and on top of a very large amt of benzo's! This is such bullshit! These drugs and alcohol have killed 2 of my best friends!! all at an early age of early 50's! I am more than ever now determined not to let Dr's and pills and over indulging in mind altering shit. Ordinarily with all this thrown at one you'd think I would go get plastered, but you know what I am more than ever afraid to do it! I see first hand what it does now, along with knowing how I felt as my friend did with depression. I can't bring them back, but I can change me. I'm sitting here just realizing I don't have anyone left to call and chat to anymore. My son luckily stopped by with my gr son and what good timing, they are staying the night. Life goes on, and I will too. But a very heavy heart tonight. My gal pal used a gun, guess she bought one this week and had it all planned. We can't save everyone, but people, remember, you can save yourselves and not hurt the ones that love you. Just want to extend my hope for health to all of you to LIVE!!!!! If there was something I could have done to prevent these deaths God knows I would have. Please let this be an example of your great new life and what the alternatives are. Chose to live and enjoy, we only get one shot. Big Hugs to all God bless, CJ:l

[gabby]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

CJ, I dont know you but my heart aches for you reading your post. I am soooo sorry for your pain. I am very glad that you are not drinkin to cope. Know that my prayers are with you and the families of your friend that has passed. gabby

[C]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

CJ - Keep on Fluttering

CJ - Keep on fluttering like the re-born Butterfly that you have become. I am so, so sorry for your losses and sorrow. God ..life is hard,, then at times in between ,,good ...This too shall pass. Hang in with your own self & program. That is what God wants for you and for all of us,

Continue with your message to all of us to Live Strong. Thank you so much for sharing.
Love,

[deanie]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

Lost my 2nd friend today

Hi CJ,

I wanted to check in with you. My deepest condolences on the tragic loss of your friends. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It takes guts to open your heart like that. We are all here for you in spirit, sending you big hugs and lots of support. Enjoy the beauty and blessings of your grandson tonight. I wish you peace.

Big hugs,

Deanie

[sujul]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

Oh, CJ--I am so sorry to hear about your two friends' deaths...there are really no words adequate to the situation, but please know that there are people thinking of you in your sadness and wishing we could be of some help.....


Such a terrible, painful lesson...but I think you're right to both mourn their loss and also understand that this doesn't have to happen to you...for you, here, now, there IS a choice...and I'm very moved to hear that you have chosen life....there truly are no accidents...even those things that seem incomprehensible to us have meaning--and it us up to us to discover what that meaning might be for us and how we might channel our sorrow into something positive. It sounds like you have already begun to do that....


My heart goes out to you--please keep checking in here--
:l
susan

[happycamper68]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

So very sorry

CJ,
I feel so terribly for you I have no words to describe it. But I am so very encouraged by what you wrote and your sound very strong and anytime you want to side chat or ebox (If I could figure it out!!!) you are more than welcome.. :l Patty

[InnerStrength]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

CJ I am so sorry

I don't know what else to say. I am thinking about you. Stay strong. I am so inspired by your strength during this time.
Hugs, and love
Jen

[Guest]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

praying

i am praying for you hon. I have lost friends to awfuls hands as well. too young--in their 30's, but I do know they are at peace. Sounds like your friend went through a lot--and they only saw one way to end their pain. Don't judge, maybe they were right. Living afterall isn;t all it is cracked up to be. Guess this is all coming from a dream I had the other night. My boys 3 and 5 weren't here anmore-and quite frankly when I woke up--I realized had it been true--I would kill myself in an intsant to be there for them. Guess i just feel like dying is not the worst thing to happen to us.

[Guest]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

repost

i know that too many times i raesoned that no one was there...we are here..

[cjback]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

Thank you

I believe people are brought into our lives to teach us what we are the most "unteachable" about... Well, my biggest struggles were brought to light by my best of friends. So, we either choose to become like they or give them what they so dreamed of: a healthy life! I am going to do my best to LIVE like they wanted to do!!!!! in memory of them and with their guiding angel support, I believe, I will continue on and inspire those who hurt with these awful addictions that they too can overcome. The only thing I did wrong was join them during the suffering years, with my own addicitons. Now, that was not the example to help one in need! We have a chance to make changes, were alive! Lets live by being "examples" of what a good life is!!!! Oh, God, give me the strength of my words.

[Whitestar]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

The only thing i can think off to say is "may your pain pass quickley,may your memories be good" lost one of my best friends to heroin years ago, my thoughts are with you

Whitestar

[sophia]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

Amen to that CJ xx

[mollruss]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

Thinking of you at the sad sad time for you - try keep positive. I lost my mother to suicide and it is the most awful thing to comprehend and come to terms with (if you ever do), but like you have said, I am sure that we are all here to be taught and learn new lessons, this is another one of those lessons. Keep strong, thinking of you. Moll x

[YoungAtHeart]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

Dear Lord, CJ, This is heavy news! My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry, but I am heartened to hear that you are choosing life, and encouraging us to do so as well! It is hard to know what to say, except that I will be thinking of you. It is situations such as these that are why I have wanted to deal with my drinking. I am 50 and didn't want to die young from medical reasons or through the consequences of a severe depression. I hope that we all learn and grow from this sadness. Meanwhile, blessings for you my dear. We will be here every day.....

Hugs,
Kathy

[C]

Lost my 2nd friend today...

Amen CJ

Amen CJ to your most recent response. God IS there for you. SHE loves you and knows you very well. SHE is there for you. Continue to pray and DO what you are doing this moment on your journey. Because You are doing so good, so good AND doing so much good!. SHE is saying .."Well done My good & faithful Daughter." :l