I cooked dinner for a friend who wanted to celebrate her deceased mother's birthday.
She brought a cake and I cooked dinner. I went to the store to grab a few things and got a bottle of Perrier. Sparkling water with lime is my favorite thing to drink. I swore I would not drink al tonite.
About 4 pm, it felt like a surge of energy went thru my body. It is a very familiar feeling and happens quite a bit starting about 3pm. I wanted to smoke a cigarette and have a drink. Then my mind started- " Oh, go downstairs with the laptop, it's a beautiful evening. Open that one beer in the fridge and relax. " The food was all prepped and ready to go.
I fought with myself in my brain. The dialogue began. Do it, don't do it etc. I opened the freaking beer. I went outside and lit a cigarette. I didn't like either one. (they go hand in hand for me and I dislike smoking unless I am drinking). My friend had called and asked if she could pick up anything. This was before I opened the beer in my fridge. I said "yeah, get a 6 pack of heineken" I had already justified in my mind that beer had the lowest alcohol content so a few wouldn't hurt. By the time she got here with the beer, mine was just sitting there. I took another sip when she opened a heineken (btw- she can have 2 sips of beer or anything and throw it away. Not a drinker at all). I got up, put some ice in a glass and poured the perrier in it. I poured the beer down the drain. She asked me if I wanted the rest of hers and I said no. She threw hers away and I fixed her an iced tea.
I guess I could be upset b/c I wasn't strong and opened that beer. I thought about what work in progress said about making up my mind not to drink and not giving myself the option saying "I hope I don't drink" I thought of all of you.
Instead of being upset, I feel proud. I could have easily drank that beer and started on the heineken (which I would have probably finished tonite). We had a wonderful evening sober and now I am relaxed, still drinking water and laying on the sofa watching tv instead of drinking myself silly.
Just wanted to share that with my MWO friends. Thank for you being there for me. I feel sure that it helped a lot with what happened (or didn't) tonite.
She brought a cake and I cooked dinner. I went to the store to grab a few things and got a bottle of Perrier. Sparkling water with lime is my favorite thing to drink. I swore I would not drink al tonite.
About 4 pm, it felt like a surge of energy went thru my body. It is a very familiar feeling and happens quite a bit starting about 3pm. I wanted to smoke a cigarette and have a drink. Then my mind started- " Oh, go downstairs with the laptop, it's a beautiful evening. Open that one beer in the fridge and relax. " The food was all prepped and ready to go.
I fought with myself in my brain. The dialogue began. Do it, don't do it etc. I opened the freaking beer. I went outside and lit a cigarette. I didn't like either one. (they go hand in hand for me and I dislike smoking unless I am drinking). My friend had called and asked if she could pick up anything. This was before I opened the beer in my fridge. I said "yeah, get a 6 pack of heineken" I had already justified in my mind that beer had the lowest alcohol content so a few wouldn't hurt. By the time she got here with the beer, mine was just sitting there. I took another sip when she opened a heineken (btw- she can have 2 sips of beer or anything and throw it away. Not a drinker at all). I got up, put some ice in a glass and poured the perrier in it. I poured the beer down the drain. She asked me if I wanted the rest of hers and I said no. She threw hers away and I fixed her an iced tea.
I guess I could be upset b/c I wasn't strong and opened that beer. I thought about what work in progress said about making up my mind not to drink and not giving myself the option saying "I hope I don't drink" I thought of all of you.
Instead of being upset, I feel proud. I could have easily drank that beer and started on the heineken (which I would have probably finished tonite). We had a wonderful evening sober and now I am relaxed, still drinking water and laying on the sofa watching tv instead of drinking myself silly.
Just wanted to share that with my MWO friends. Thank for you being there for me. I feel sure that it helped a lot with what happened (or didn't) tonite.
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