Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

[Laurel]

I am really losing patience with my husband. We have been married for about 12 years and together for 18. In the beginning HE was the one who did the problem drinking---lying, drinking and driving, getting in bar fights, punching holes in walls, breaking things in our home, getting arrested...etc. Over the I would say 6 years it's like we switched roles. I am doing the problem drinking (he still drinks but mods for the most part-but guess who got 86'd from a bar just last month for fighting????). He is a party pooper, wants to go home early, or not go out at all. I on the other hand have started my partying ways after several years of being a frumpy lump of a mom. I admit that my drinking has become a problem...hence the MYO forum, counselling and even a stint in rehab last year. I probably haven't tried as hard as I could. But I am trying. He is pissing me off wanting me to be fixed NOW like RIGHT NOW. Or does he want me to go back to being that ugly frumpy thing that stayed home when he went out and partied....moving baby swings and toys away from the doorway path of the drunk who was going to come stumbling in at god knows what hour after having drove himself home or better yet pass out in the truck in the driveway. He is getting so holier than thou on me and I am so freaking tired of it! Last night he actually called me a psychopathic wrist-slitting drunk. Ouch

[gyco]

Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

ouch, what goes around comes around, i will say ,his turn to watch what you watched,for years,how did you treat him as a drunk,if you had a stint in rehab you no better, as far as i no it does hit a lady harder than a man,I'm surprised at your husband not to be concerned seeing he had his fun,but to resort to name calling instead of a concern for your well being, yikes ,how are the kids managing in all this,twas i were you and seen ,my life spiralling down once again, id probably go back to rehab, as much as i hate to say, it was a hell for me,or maybe he should go and see what you indured there,i do wish you well, gyco

[Laurel]

Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

I tiptoed around him afraid to set him off. I would cry and beg to no avail. I'm sure he's concerned I know he's concerned about my wellbeing, he wouldn't be human if he wasn't. But resorting to name calling and making me feel like shit about drinking just pisses me off. Rehab didn't help me other than to get me away from him and home. My kids are enduring and it does break my heart, they were too young to remember his stumbling drunken ways and they will always remember mine. It's not fucking fair.

[greeneyes]

Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

Laurel, what if you tried to just let go of your husband's past behaviors and focused on yourself and what is good for your wellbeing? I went back and read your first post. Alcohol is not helping you. I urge you to be careful in your decision making and hope the best for you in your recovery. There are lots of people here to offer you help and support.

[Laurel]

Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

Thank you greeneyes, I agree, alcohol is not helping me. I am trying to let go, there are some pretty painful memories that I have to deal with. I am working with a therapist weekly on my self esteem and self worth. It's a long hard and painful road I am on.

[KateH1]

Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

Laurel, Greeneyes gave you some excellent thought. Drinking will not help you work through your issues, nor will you build self esteem, nor self work while contiuing to drink. Justifying your drinking and behavior by going back to your husbands drinking.......how is this helping you?

If nothing else, think of your children.......how all of this is affecting them, their memories and their future.

[river0123]

Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

I think I understand pretty well how you feel. I've spent many nights sitting home just to watch hubby stumble through the door and be helpless to help me. When I had my second baby, he was there for the birth but then gone the rest of the time "celebrating". I spent what should have been a happy day crying in the hospital. And I understand how maybe you feel like it's "your turn" now that you don't walk around with snot constantly on your shoulder.:H But try to put his behavior in the past and focus on creating new and happy memories - if not with him, with your children. The rowdy times at the bar can't compare to knowing your children feel safe with a mom in control. I'd do anything to erase those images from my kid's heads...

[upnorthgirl]

Really trying but husband wants me fixed now!

Or does he want me to go back to being that ugly frumpy thing that stayed home when he went out and partied....

Laurel...it is highly possible that your husband did like you better in the past? Wow, what drunk wouldn't? You took care of the house, the kids, him, enabled and protected, covered for him, parented, cooked, cleaned up...he had it made. he could go out and have fun and all was well for him.

I wonder if your drinking now is a subconscious form of revenge. I agree with the others, let it go, forget his past and focus on your future. To do otherwise is nonproductive and unrewarding.

Go, RIGHT NOW, and toss any booze. Go, right now, and look at your beautiful children. They are what you need to fight for. Instead of drinking, do something with the kids--art, crafts, reading, board games, exercise, go for a walk, anything interactive. Build new memories that they will treasure. Give them the mom they deserve, the one you are.