Of course, we never write that...because it is never true. Truth and freedom is what we seek here; and why we shall never see such a thread. So, who is this person in the mirror now? The one with the clear head, clear vision and (what seem to be) uncontrollable thoughts?
I thought yesterday was hard, had I any idea how difficult today would be I would have stayed in bed.
One would think on day 27 I would be fun to be with, energetic, enthusiastic and hopeful. Being sober 27 days in a row finds unfamiliarity at best. Truth is, I don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. For the last 20 years I would avoid the mirror, as it would reveal the harsh truth from the night before. Now, I find myself quizzically studying the image wondering how long I can keep this up (along with "Holy shit-I have hair in my nose!?!). The thoughts which run through the mind now often are not mine, but those of my former self...and the image doesn't fit the soft wispers of doubt anymore. So who's talking? Is it me, my true self? Or is it my old self wanting me back? (And why is there hair coming out of my ears too?)
After finding out the "Epi-lady" I had borrowed from the wife to 'trim' my nose and ears wasn't meant for the face, I spent the whole day today in doubt, almost convinced I would binge drink tonight becuase it had been so long. While on a trip to the "man store" for the right equipment the allure of just thinking about self medicating became intoxicating.
Akin to running across porn on the web. Boom-there it is and now what do you do? If you are like me...you start looking around, and "hey...nobody's looking...keep going" the voices say...until a dog barks across the street and you jump up and pull the cord on the computer in a panic the dog knows something...praying-if you are a guy-nobody needs you in the next 3 minutes. Yet, there is no dog. No one to listen to your thoughts but you; free to dream and recall anything, regardless of truth or consequences. Why is it, then, we never recall the morning after. The person you will see in the mirror the next day doesn't exist in this conversation; at least it didn't today.
Today was day 27, and today I held a bottle of whiskey. Today I know what it means to be insane. My body was 'wanting' me to continue on my path of health, yet my mind 'wanted' to feel numb. It was like being out of quarters at the arcade, and finding a roll of quarters hidden under my feet. I know I should return the quarters...yet...wanted to play one more time...just this once.
Tonight I am sober, again. Tonight I look forward to seeing the person in the mirror tomorrow...and smiling. Becuase of today, I know I need an internal 'watch dog' who will bark when the voices start whispering sweet nothings about drinking. It is up to me to learn to discipline my thoughts; and educate myself about women's shaving instruments.
Peace
I thought yesterday was hard, had I any idea how difficult today would be I would have stayed in bed.
One would think on day 27 I would be fun to be with, energetic, enthusiastic and hopeful. Being sober 27 days in a row finds unfamiliarity at best. Truth is, I don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. For the last 20 years I would avoid the mirror, as it would reveal the harsh truth from the night before. Now, I find myself quizzically studying the image wondering how long I can keep this up (along with "Holy shit-I have hair in my nose!?!). The thoughts which run through the mind now often are not mine, but those of my former self...and the image doesn't fit the soft wispers of doubt anymore. So who's talking? Is it me, my true self? Or is it my old self wanting me back? (And why is there hair coming out of my ears too?)
After finding out the "Epi-lady" I had borrowed from the wife to 'trim' my nose and ears wasn't meant for the face, I spent the whole day today in doubt, almost convinced I would binge drink tonight becuase it had been so long. While on a trip to the "man store" for the right equipment the allure of just thinking about self medicating became intoxicating.
Akin to running across porn on the web. Boom-there it is and now what do you do? If you are like me...you start looking around, and "hey...nobody's looking...keep going" the voices say...until a dog barks across the street and you jump up and pull the cord on the computer in a panic the dog knows something...praying-if you are a guy-nobody needs you in the next 3 minutes. Yet, there is no dog. No one to listen to your thoughts but you; free to dream and recall anything, regardless of truth or consequences. Why is it, then, we never recall the morning after. The person you will see in the mirror the next day doesn't exist in this conversation; at least it didn't today.
Today was day 27, and today I held a bottle of whiskey. Today I know what it means to be insane. My body was 'wanting' me to continue on my path of health, yet my mind 'wanted' to feel numb. It was like being out of quarters at the arcade, and finding a roll of quarters hidden under my feet. I know I should return the quarters...yet...wanted to play one more time...just this once.
Tonight I am sober, again. Tonight I look forward to seeing the person in the mirror tomorrow...and smiling. Becuase of today, I know I need an internal 'watch dog' who will bark when the voices start whispering sweet nothings about drinking. It is up to me to learn to discipline my thoughts; and educate myself about women's shaving instruments.
Peace
?We are one another's angels? 
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