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The Portch Light Is On...

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    The Portch Light Is On...

    Sitting on the side of the road of life, in a vehicle I don’t recognize, wondering how I got here. “Where did these dents come from? Why am I out of gas? Why is the engine so weak? What happened to the paint job? What is with all the rust?” and most importantly, “Where the Hell am I?” You see, from where I am standing the road behind me has taken a toll on my vehicle; I am amazed it still runs. I don’t even remember the journey to this place. It is dark, I feel alone, scared and most of all I am tired. All I can see from the side of the road in this beaten up vehicle is a faint light off in the distance; a porch light.

    How I got here

    Before AL I had a fast, clean and reliable vehicle bursting to discover new land. As with most new vehicles, many obstacles would test my resolve, skill and courage. I trusted many situations would find solutions as long as I chose ‘right path’. As I got older, the forks in the road became more unclear, as the ‘right path’ was out of sight and unsure. Some roads were dark and led nowhere, and as time would pass I traveled slower visiting less often the unfamiliar cities and would experience little.

    Life became boring, uneventful and eventually undesirable. Until the day AL stuck his thumb out and offered a different path.

    AL started out as a hitchhiker along my early days of riding solo, popping up in certain ‘safe’ places here and there. In the beginning AL would persuade me to visit places I was too afraid to tread by myself, and with this new found courage I would discover exciting and new ‘Fun Parks’ which in the past a vehicle as clean and strong as mine didn’t belong. My new found courage was artificial and fleeting. It would later come to pass prior to any journey out of the garage AL became a permanent fixture in the front seat, even when the destination was all too familiar.

    AL kept me distracted when my vehicle needed things like a tune up and over time my overall performance deteriorated. Each day the destination was the primary goal, at any cost to my vehicle. My vehicle became a means to get from here to the “Fun Park”.

    Life with AL became exciting, eventful and eventually desirable. The relationship starts.

    Now I am trapped

    My loyalty to AL was born from the consistency and reliability that became the relationship. As abusive as the relationship was, AL always found a way to the Fun Park. With loyalty akin to Dumbo’s attachment to the ‘magic feather’ I would soon forget how to get anywhere by myself. AL was never one to share the road map with me, didn’t care what the path was doing to my vehicle as his promise was always the same, “I will get you there no matter the cost”. I didn’t ask what this would do to my vehicle, and AL took my focus off of it while with me. It was when I was alone I noticed how slow and confused I had become.


    Twenty years of riding Shotgun


    As with most dysfunctional relationships, this one lasted too long. Passengers who rode with me always took the back seat, as there wasn’t enough room up front. It didn’t matter if you were a relative, old/new friend, spouse or even my own child. For some reason, I didn’t feel confident enough in my own abilities to navigate without my longest partner AL. The feeling of being trapped, not in control of my own vehicle, and eventually not caring about moving out of the rut which had become my life overwhelmed me. AL would point out vehicles on the road which now were healthy without him; and I would find myself jealous of their success. I would do anything to rid myself of this navigator, anything. Yet often I would do nothing.

    One day, however, was different. I got out of the vehicle and rested. When I woke up I found myself on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, with the sun setting a chill of fresh air blew across my face turning my attention to the distance. A light was flickering against the dusk off in the distance. I would die here if I didn’t move; and the courage to move came from my son who was cold and shivering in the back seat.

    Out of gas, I pushed the battered vehicle towards the flickering light. The night was cold and dark, death was hovering above me so stopping now was not an option. I stopped only to promise my son he would be warm soon, and moved him to the front seat. I threw AL out and left him on the side of the road, and continued to push. Tired, out of breath, and desperate for a warm place to stay I found the flickering light to be a place of refuge. The sign read “MWO” and I was greeted immediately. Initially I was embarrassed and ashamed; yet determined to find a safe place for my family. With tears running down my face, I stood proud and decleared, "This is my vehicle, I am the driver. Those who ride with me are my responsibility."

    Here, at this safe heaven, my son is happy and my wife is proud of me. Here I am planning my life and thinking about traveling again; but there is work to do.

    Now what?

    So, where do I go from here? First, I need a tune up. Get my vehicle running like I know it can perform. After that a trip to the Body Shop to help reflect the internal attention I will have spent. Then with the engine strong, the paint fresh, the dents repaired it will be time to choose a path, a destination. I am not overwhelmed by the choice; as destinations will always change and should never be the goal; in the end they are always achievable. It has become obvious to me the beauty of this life will not be found in which road you choose, but will in fact be found with the direction and quality in which you are moving.

    Know thyself, and travel well


    Regardless of your destination may you always arrive free and clear of any influence from the passenger seat, leaving the quality of your journey the measure of your experience. It is here, at MWO, where our paths cross. Here you will rediscover the true nature and power of your vehicle and gain the confidence to travel solo again.

    Join us in honoring those who have come before us, as we leave the porch light on for those who suffer in the dark-on the side of the road-without us for now.
    My creed; "Be the friend you seek, the spouse yours deserves and the Parent your children need"

    #2
    The Portch Light Is On...

    Wow AP!!! What an amazing post, how heartfelt it was, it made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this....
    Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
    Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

    Comment


      #3
      The Portch Light Is On...

      Excellent post, AP.

      Comment


        #4
        The Portch Light Is On...

        AP

        Great post AP. :thanks: :elk:
        Starting over again
        ray:

        Comment


          #5
          The Portch Light Is On...

          Thank God for this place and the ability of some us to be able to put pen to paper and make sense, hit hard and keeping me from reaching for the bottle.

          Today will be a tough day (28)... I woke up feeling the beast, hearing her voice (yes "she").... GAWD she is a Beotch!!! She'd have my ass at the Fun Park by noon if she could today~ but not today because of this post. I will return to read it often...

          Thank-you,

          Skoots
          "I have not failed - I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work"- Thomas A Edison

          Comment


            #6
            The Portch Light Is On...

            Wonderful Post!!! I'm glad your vehicle is getting repaired and your front seat is available for loved ones.:l

            Comment


              #7
              The Portch Light Is On...

              In fact- I have printed it and will carry this with me all day.

              Skoots
              "I have not failed - I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work"- Thomas A Edison

              Comment


                #8
                The Portch Light Is On...

                Tears in my eyes! EXCELLENT post.......
                Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

                Comment


                  #9
                  The Portch Light Is On...

                  Whew. Good stuff.
                  I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

                  Comment


                    #10
                    The Portch Light Is On...

                    Wow AP! You have a gift. Thank you for the quality of your writing!
                    "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

                    Comment


                      #11
                      The Portch Light Is On...

                      Another keeper .... Aidanspappa
                      ?We are one another's angels?
                      Sober since 29/04/2007

                      Comment


                        #12
                        The Portch Light Is On...

                        I bow to the divine in all of you...Namaste
                        My creed; "Be the friend you seek, the spouse yours deserves and the Parent your children need"

                        Comment


                          #13
                          The Portch Light Is On...

                          Great post AP! It's a keeper for me. Thank you
                          AF since 7/26/2009




                          "There is nothing noble in being superior to other man. The true nobility is being superior to your previous self."--Hindu proverb.

                          "Sobriety isn't a landing but rather a journey." anonymous

                          Comment


                            #14
                            The Portch Light Is On...

                            Wow!!! What a wonderful post. I teared up. You are truly gifted in your writing. Thank you for sharing.

                            :l
                            Ak
                            :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              The Portch Light Is On...

                              Wow, what a great read. Thank you.
                              sigpic
                              Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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