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[gyco]

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hi cowgal.welcom back,i ve hurd a few comments about your hubby,people have to realise, its not about him,as someone said,you have stopped b4,and you will stop again,this cycle we go thro,is not about stopping,its about staying stopped,learning all over from scratch,everytime you go back,im living proof,it will get harder,,to the day you have no more willpower,there are options,you dont seem to like to humble yourself,till the next drinking disaster,al give you one,sit on the computor,go to aa online,like here you can turn us off anytime you want, like AA in the rooms,there is no options,either stop,or come back when you have the desire,as someone said,is MWO,losing there goal,i do beleive this site is to help people understand more about there alchohol habit,im also finding having so many options can become very confusing for alchohol mind,im not an intellect like many in this world,ive drank off and on for many years,we see the destruction addiction causes, what dont we get,if this is harsh,i do apoligise,i do hope you find a way,gyco

[cowgal]

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thanks

Not too harsh, used to it, need to do this for me, regardless of my living situation.................gotta get off this pitty-pot and get on w/ my life, thanks,

MA

[fickle]

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Heya Cowgal!
Good to see you.. you can do this.. i feel your strength returning.
Go Girl!
:l

[greeneyes]

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MA, do you have an AA sponsor? If not, you could call me or Britzak when you need to. Once I had keys in hand and I stopped and called a friend and ended up staying home.

[on my way]

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Mar, I'm so sorry I didnt see your thread on Monday. Let me know whats going on, if you want to chat sometime pm me, i check in thru the day. Sending you big hugs, xoxo nat

[brittzak]

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Mary Anne....why didnt you call me girl!!!!!!!! You know I am a call away and honey I have walked in your shoes...I walk in your shoes!!!!!!!! This is so hard. We fight this fight together. I love you.

[bestlifeldms]

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Mary Ann, You sound better and more positive today. Same here, as Greeneyes! You have my phone #, call anytime, day or nite. My phone is beside my bed at night - it is on 24/7. I can certainly relate as having wanted it so much, but repeatedly going through the cycle of trying and then drinking, over and over again. It is heart breaking. I know you can do this and I know you want it. You certianly have tons of people who care about you and your family. Hang in there! Love and support!

[Niblet]

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Cowgal, Sweetheart, I'm sooooo sorry that I wasn't here to support you on the days you needed all the help you could get.... I haven't been on the puter all week... I only wish I could reach my arms around you and tell you that it's gonna be ok.... One step at a time, you are sooooo worth this and much much more... Please feel all our love and support. Mike isn't worth you beating yourself up. Go forward and be all you can be.... You are worth this my dear friend.
Sorry about the bump, but as our dearest Bear would say at a time like this, " so, you layed and egg, walk around it, look at it and it's still just an egg"... (I cannot remember his exact words but it was along those lines... gosh I miss that wise gentle giant of a Bear)

Please do not go down the "guilty" road but rather think of it as a "learning" road... You will be feeling wonderful again really really soon.... give that beautiful horse Cocoa a hug for me..
You did the right thing by allowing us to help you over this bump in the road of life... Chin up.
Hugs, xxxx Know that I love you.

[Niblet]

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I hope that this day was better for you Hun, Bun... Love You xxx

[brittzak]

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MA,
I went to Rhonda too....I wanted that MAGIC BULLET too....I think we all do, but I didnt find it either. What I have learned through all my ups and downs is the magic IS there, but guess where it is...INSIDE ME!!!!!!! You can do this! I had 4.5 months sober after rhonda and fell down HARD, but I cleaned myself up stopped the ptiy party and enough is enough....the pain, the suffering, it just can't go on. I am 3+ months sober again.....and feel very strong. ENOUGH....you can DO THIS.....it isn't just stopping drinking...it is CHANGING your life....your mind-set. Anyone can put down the drink...what you have to do it figure out how do you stay away from it. How I am staying away...I am changing how I think, how I LIVE. It is not easy. A lot of pain and issues have to be faced, but to ensure my sobriety, is a must. I love you and I am here if there is anything I can do for you.

[Niblet]

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Very Well put Luv.

[A Work in Progress]

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Yup, Brittzak said it exactly right. There is a magic "pill," and we already have it within our own hearts and minds, in the hard choices we make, in the thoughts we choose to cultivate and those we choose to leave behind; and in the encouragement we allow ourselves to seek out and receive from others.

[nancy]

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Hi Mary Ann,

Sorry you are struggling with this. But 4months is so great!

I think if you can do that long you really have a good chance at achieving your goals.

Seems like this is something you are using when life gets painful. Do you have ideas of other things/coping strategies you could do instead? That might take some work. One idea is to call a friend and it seems a number of people on this thread alone are there for you. That's wonderful. Another idea I have thought of trying lately is candlelight yoga. Any spiritual practice? Or you could just lie down to feel better, or watch some funny DVDs. Do you have many close friends there?

You are right that it's good to have a job in these times but if you hate your job it can make you feel trapped. You should still be looking actively even though times are tough. Also, maybe you can improve certain skills through classes on the side to improve your chances.
Good luck

Nancy

[gabby]

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sorry ma.....long time since we talked. keep trying k?

[cowgal]

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great today

Yeah, Nancy, I am actively looking, but seriously there are NO jobs here in this town, it sucks!!! Thinking of if I leave Mike, going back south to Boynton.........been looking in there want ads and there are soooooooo many more jobs, and research jobs to boot, which is my joy................I miss my patients but it is cool how GOD brings the favorites back into my life! One of them had skin cancer surgery last week, I got such big hugs from him and his wife, and then a note in the mail!! Then there are TONS of guys from AA who come and have surgery, those are the highlights of my job...........maybe it will grow on me, but right now it is sucking pretty bad.................. Dr. Cognetta told me around Christmas that he "has big plans for me next year" Maybe I am just being impatient???

Gabby(same Gabby from years ago!? ) It has been too long!!!:h

Nibs, love the horse pics, will go riding my guy in a little while, Mike said he will ride w/ me and he is not drunk yet so I will seize the moment, it is a BEAUTIFUL day!! Tomorrow I am working at a bull riding rodeo at the Civic Center, will be fun, get to watch the show, but have to serve beer alot, was rough for me at the Circus, didn't think people would drink that much, but at a rodeo, man I know they will be drinking...............all those cute cowboys!! Can't wait!:H

Good talking to you LUV, thanks for words of encouragement, everyone................:thanks:

Love you guys, glad to be back to normal again, going to lots of meetings I think will help, that is where all my buddies are.....................I love my friends in the program, dearly............they are so forgiving, like you guys...................just felt like a F*CK up when I drank last week AGAIN!!!! Man I am so glad to be back to normal....................

Giddy up, off to ride!!!

MA