I am back. Had major water damage to my house at the beginning of November. I have been in temporary housing; even though my house is not finished, the kids and I have moved back in because I can't take the chaos any more. At the beginning, I used AL as a crutch to make it through the BS----and there was a lot of BS involved.
Initially, (when I thought it would be a couple of weeks), I told myself it was ok to drink to get through the trauma. I don't want to sound like I condone drinking---I don't----but if I were not an alcoholic I could understand drinking to get through this mess. The situation has been pretty nasty and painful and drinking did get me through some rough spots----like listening to the guy above me have sex on his squeeky bed....gross...If sober and trying to deal with this, I may have been very horrible and rude...instead I passed out.
With that said, I am an alcoholic. Maybe it was a crutch to help me through this, but I am an alcoholic. Once again, I AM an alcoholic. Because I am an alcoholic and not just someone trying to drink through this mess, I am now in a bad situation. I have been pretty much drinking every night for the past three months. Not always a lot---sometimes just enough to get by---like tonight. Just enough to not withdrawl, and just too much to avoid what I need to do.
It has been a scary, daunting situation trying to do this all on my own. I guess I look at my situation and wish things were different (not being a single mother with no manly muscle to help with the work
Or the love and support for that matter. I see myself now digging a whole so deep I do not know how I will get out of. If I continue down this path, I may never finish the house, and there is no way I will find prince charming unless I settle with all those lovely Red Necks posted on another thread.
Anywho, I am going to try deperately(sp?) to start tomorrow. I know that I am going to need serious help from this site. I managed to find one of the CDs today through all the rubbage, but I know it is going to take more of a personal committment and support from the members here. I am truly scared to do this. I have tried to go a few days, and it has been both physically and emotionally draining. The withdrawls suck and I really hope I can come here for support and understanding. Thanks for listening; I really need it now. L
Initially, (when I thought it would be a couple of weeks), I told myself it was ok to drink to get through the trauma. I don't want to sound like I condone drinking---I don't----but if I were not an alcoholic I could understand drinking to get through this mess. The situation has been pretty nasty and painful and drinking did get me through some rough spots----like listening to the guy above me have sex on his squeeky bed....gross...If sober and trying to deal with this, I may have been very horrible and rude...instead I passed out.
With that said, I am an alcoholic. Maybe it was a crutch to help me through this, but I am an alcoholic. Once again, I AM an alcoholic. Because I am an alcoholic and not just someone trying to drink through this mess, I am now in a bad situation. I have been pretty much drinking every night for the past three months. Not always a lot---sometimes just enough to get by---like tonight. Just enough to not withdrawl, and just too much to avoid what I need to do.
It has been a scary, daunting situation trying to do this all on my own. I guess I look at my situation and wish things were different (not being a single mother with no manly muscle to help with the work
Or the love and support for that matter. I see myself now digging a whole so deep I do not know how I will get out of. If I continue down this path, I may never finish the house, and there is no way I will find prince charming unless I settle with all those lovely Red Necks posted on another thread.Anywho, I am going to try deperately(sp?) to start tomorrow. I know that I am going to need serious help from this site. I managed to find one of the CDs today through all the rubbage, but I know it is going to take more of a personal committment and support from the members here. I am truly scared to do this. I have tried to go a few days, and it has been both physically and emotionally draining. The withdrawls suck and I really hope I can come here for support and understanding. Thanks for listening; I really need it now. L
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