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Ok...I slipped, on purpose

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    #1

    Ok...I slipped, on purpose

    Hello all,

    My deepest regret lies behind me, drinking again. I could go on and on regarding the reasons/excuses; but I don't want to bore anyone here with that.

    My head is foggy, I am tired, and I don't want to abuse the friendship gained here.

    So...why is it I feel like I have betrayed more than just myself? Is it because of this forum? I feel like I have let all of you down...like you even care.

    I just need some attention as I start again, today. I went 32 days. This time I want to go 60. I feel so sad....and lonely.

    Will anyone share a personal 'failure to continue' story for me? You are all so inspirational, I just need to focus outside of my own failure right now.

    Sorry for being so needy.
    My creed; "Be the friend you seek, the spouse yours deserves and the Parent your children need"
    Tags: None
    #2
    Ok...I slipped, on purpose

    Oh AP...you are certainly not alone in slipping...I think probably everyone has done that at some point. I know I have in the past..
    Look at it like a learning experience, its somewhere you dont want to be again, now you will be aware of the thoughts and feelings that took you there and you will have a head start in avoiding them.
    So, come on, chin up, back on that wagon and lets hear some positve words from you OK?
    Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
    Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

    Comment

      #3
      Ok...I slipped, on purpose

      Hey AP, I am very good at slipping and feeling the aftermath in its fullest. I find the days after the first 30 are very difficult. Its almost like the challenge is done and I lose a bit of that will. Lets keep pushing on. When its 60, lets go for 90 and onwards. You are def not alone here and there are many who care.
      To Infinity And Beyond!!

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        #4
        Ok...I slipped, on purpose

        I am so humbled by your friendship...I truly don't deserve you all.
        My creed; "Be the friend you seek, the spouse yours deserves and the Parent your children need"

        Comment

          #5
          Ok...I slipped, on purpose

          Hiya AP. I used to feel i'd betrayed more than myself. I'd betrayed something much bigger. Not just myself, but everything connected to me. I had betrayed truth.

          'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

          Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

          Comment

            #6
            Ok...I slipped, on purpose

            Hi aidenspappa,
            I first came here more than two years ago, determined to sort myself out. Years of serious, heavy drinking had taken away all my self esteem and almost ruined everything in my life. When I first got here, I was delighted by the support and friendship that this place provides, but my head wasn't ready for the effects of becoming alcohol free. For a few months I stumbled and tripped through stages of sobriety and drinking. I was eventually given a good honest kick up the arse by a member here, and came to the realisation that it can't be done half-heartedly. It is all about total comittment and life changing decisions. After that I managed a long stretch AF, before deciding, mistakenly, that I was 'cured' and that I could drink socially and in moderation. I was up and down again for a while, but I kept trying. I'm now AF for five weeks and I think that this time, I have it beaten. I'm not going to fall into the trap that the little nagging voice digs for me every once in a while. I know what I want and I know how to get get it. Don't feel discouraged by lapses. They're not the end of the line. They are lessons and tools to use to strengthen our defenses, which, for me become weaker with complacency.
            Good luck to you and everyone else here.

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              #7
              Ok...I slipped, on purpose

              Well said Pops.
              To Infinity And Beyond!!

              Comment

                #8
                Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                We truly are not alone...this forum proves that. I am so sorry for being so needy, I want to be inspirational in my posts...and have fallen so short of that lately. Thank you so much for your stories, it really helps.
                My creed; "Be the friend you seek, the spouse yours deserves and the Parent your children need"

                Comment

                  #9
                  Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                  Its why we and MWO are here AP. no need to be sorry, just take care.
                  To Infinity And Beyond!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                    holy poop how cant you be inspired here,aid no such a feeling as failure were in this till the end gyco

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                      Hi AP
                      I have had more slips than I care to count. When this happens, I try to take a look at my plan and see how it needs to be changed or strengthened. We will be here for you. NEVER GIVE UP!!!
                      "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                        My story is very similar to Popeye's. I've been trying for the past 20 months with numerous slips; usually around the 3 month mark. In retrospect all I was doing in my head was taking a break from it. I was never committed enough to want to give up completely. I tried modding recently too but it doesn't matter what i try I know I'll always go full circle if I pick up a drink. As the saying goes; one is too many and a thousand is never enough. Doesn't matter what I take/drink because that's my way of thinking. I've been on the merry go round a long time and things are only going to change for me with my own personal development as a person. If I'm standing still then I'll guarantee you within a few months I'll be drinking again GUARANTEED. I've been SO lazy about sobriety and wanting it all to fall into place for me rather than get off my lazy arse and put in the work. I know like pops as well it feels different this time as I'm slowly coming round to the idea that the party is over (or rather a new and sober one is beginning). I've got numbers in my phone now of fellow addicts and alcoholics with a good few years sobriety who I meet up with and have a chat. It's saved my bacon on a few occasions and I'm meeting up with a mate today as I know my head is telling me to go into a pub today! Seriously! I'm only 2 weeks sober again myself but making those calls this time around is helping me immensily. I couldn't bring myself to call people in the past because I knew I'd probably get talked out of having a drink! So I know things are different and I'm more comitted than ever because I'm making the calls and talking things through until my head feels in a better place.

                        Love and Happiness
                        Hippie
                        xx
                        "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
                        Clean and sober 25th January 2009

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                          #13
                          Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                          aidanspappa;542437 wrote: I am so humbled by your friendship...I truly don't deserve you all.
                          B.S. just FULLY realize that you cannot moderate and staying AF will be much easier. Hang in there.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                            Lots of great advice here, dust yourself off and get back on your path. Sometimes slipping can be a reminder of why we were making changes in the first place. Stay strong and keep the faith!

                            Guy
                            "I've done it. I don't need to drink anymore. I'm free!"-Jason Vale

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Ok...I slipped, on purpose

                              poppa:
                              you do well by yourself to reach out at times like these. this is exactly why we are here, to support our friends who need it and to encourage each other through the rough patches.

                              i went 7 months sober and runied it all and drank more than ever for the last 2 years, but i have re-started (over 5 weeks now!), and am on the right road this time, just as you are.

                              a member here once told me to "think about my thinking" when i was having a terrible craving day, and i really took that to heart and thought long and hard about what drinking would do to me...it helped alot for some reason.

                              come here and reach out next time you think you are going to drink, we can't stop you, but we can support you throught he rough patch and will be there to congratulate you when you do come out the other side.

                              peace!

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