I have wondered for a while whether it was appropriate to share this here. On reflection and after some discussion with a close friend I have decided to do so.
Its known that I have battled drug use in the past and to a certain extent beaten it, in as much as I do not use street drugs any more. BUT over the years I have started to use over the counter medication with increasing regularity. I found it took the edge of my anxiety, gave me a sense of wellbeing that I simply didnt have without something to change the way I felt. Looking back now, my usage increased dramatically over the last couple of years along with my drinking. However, I refused to see it as a problem. I kidded myself that I needed these drugs for very real pain, headaches, period pain, leg pain (from a break) back pain etc etc.. the thing was, I was generating these pains for myself as a result of using too many pain medications. It was a viscious circle as all drug and alcohol use is. It had got to the point of having to use different chemists throughout the area, asking someone else to buy for me and hiding them. This is when I realised that it WAS indeed a very real problem that had got out of control. Reading about it on the internet made me realise I wasnt alone, but the thought of stopping was really very frightening. In a way it was more frightening than stopping alcohol. It could be totally hidden whereas alcohol cant and it was cheaper than alcohol. Also, I wanted to be a totally sober person, yes I have done well with the alcohol, but I still had a very big crutch that was getting in between me and my total sobriety. So, at Christmas I decided that 2009 was the year I was going to rid myself of ALL addictions. At about 9pm on new years eve I took my last tablets, said goodbye to the feelings they gave me and have not looked back since. Yes, I had withdrawal symptoms, I still do, but I will beat them. I wanted to share this with you all for a number of reasons. It will make me more accountable for my actions, therefore helping me to never go back. It might help someone in the same boat realise that stopping these is possible, it might even give others some inspiration to clean up too.
Its known that I have battled drug use in the past and to a certain extent beaten it, in as much as I do not use street drugs any more. BUT over the years I have started to use over the counter medication with increasing regularity. I found it took the edge of my anxiety, gave me a sense of wellbeing that I simply didnt have without something to change the way I felt. Looking back now, my usage increased dramatically over the last couple of years along with my drinking. However, I refused to see it as a problem. I kidded myself that I needed these drugs for very real pain, headaches, period pain, leg pain (from a break) back pain etc etc.. the thing was, I was generating these pains for myself as a result of using too many pain medications. It was a viscious circle as all drug and alcohol use is. It had got to the point of having to use different chemists throughout the area, asking someone else to buy for me and hiding them. This is when I realised that it WAS indeed a very real problem that had got out of control. Reading about it on the internet made me realise I wasnt alone, but the thought of stopping was really very frightening. In a way it was more frightening than stopping alcohol. It could be totally hidden whereas alcohol cant and it was cheaper than alcohol. Also, I wanted to be a totally sober person, yes I have done well with the alcohol, but I still had a very big crutch that was getting in between me and my total sobriety. So, at Christmas I decided that 2009 was the year I was going to rid myself of ALL addictions. At about 9pm on new years eve I took my last tablets, said goodbye to the feelings they gave me and have not looked back since. Yes, I had withdrawal symptoms, I still do, but I will beat them. I wanted to share this with you all for a number of reasons. It will make me more accountable for my actions, therefore helping me to never go back. It might help someone in the same boat realise that stopping these is possible, it might even give others some inspiration to clean up too.
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