I had been abusing myself with drink for some time. I was confused and frightened. I had become my worst fears. Worse still I did not care. Deep down inside I did care. I so wanted escape from it. I felt alone. I had my horse put to sleep and my drinking just went mental. I nearly downed a full litre of whisky and was rolling around on the floor crying out in pain. It was so emotional. Then I came on the internet, when I was lucid and decided I had to get better. I wanted someone to 'put it right' to take this curse away from me and I read and read and found kindred souls. Who like me had made a total hash of their lives with drink, and they were recovering. You see I don't want to mix face to face with people. I needed that secret army. The one I knew about and no one else did. I found it with mwo. Above all this site helped me no end. I found I was getting sober the odd blip but nothing like I was used to. I was beginning to climb out of a dark hole and then something happened and I found myself right back at the bottom of the dark pit. Yet, no one has judged me. You have all helped me. You have understood my pain and offered me support when the world had just shut its' door on me. I was very ill with drink yesterday and your kindness, particularly Gia's touched me. She knows more than most what an abusive little soul I was. It was horrid for me to feel that after all the work on self improvement I had done that the slightest upset would kick me down so hard. Yet I learned some important truths. We are human and we have imperfections but we can cure ourselves with true love and support. That is what mwo means to me. Back on track again and not going to crumble when the first thing goes wrong. Aint life a serious event of mishaps?? But we smile and we get through. We are not weak - we are strong. Thank you to all who take the time to add comments. It really means so much to me, it is like a life line. Alcoholism is a lonely disease.... May love and light be yours.
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