It's as if I'm in a meeting room with a lot of other people who have alcohol problems. We came to the room to try to help ourselves, and each other.
In this place I am in, this "room," I have a lot of friends. I have received and given much help and support here. Being in this room helped me to stop drinking, and stay stopped, when I was terrified that I had lost my way, terrified that my drinking would kill me, the way it killed my father; certain that it would destroy me, the way it destroyed my family.
But, right now, there are a few people here who truly dislike me and have, over the past several days, made that clear, very loudly. It's a damn shame, but those voices are louder, and more persistent, than the voices of support that I also am hearing. Anger, blame, and bitterness are always loud. If we were all (really) in a room, sitting together, the loud voices would overwhelm everything else, and destroy the calm and peace that existed in the room, before. Now, we even have new people being recruited (created?) to come here and blast their angry voices at me.
"Ignoring" all of this would be my first choice. This very morning, I said in a post that I would not let anyone "run me away." But I am finding (as many others at MWO have found, when they too were being attacked) that "ignoring" is easier said than done... when it is happening in the place (the "room") where you are trying to get and give some help with our common problem. When you hoped to feel "safe."
Watching my own responses to this, I am realizing that listening to these voices, even being in the same room with these voices, is not consistent with my own need for some calm, some peacefulness; this kind of agitation can easily lead to drinking. I can't go there. I have to choose a healthier and saner path.
Obviously, my point of view is wildly inconsistent with that of many others here.
If I have hurt any of you, I am deeply sorry.
In this place I am in, this "room," I have a lot of friends. I have received and given much help and support here. Being in this room helped me to stop drinking, and stay stopped, when I was terrified that I had lost my way, terrified that my drinking would kill me, the way it killed my father; certain that it would destroy me, the way it destroyed my family.
But, right now, there are a few people here who truly dislike me and have, over the past several days, made that clear, very loudly. It's a damn shame, but those voices are louder, and more persistent, than the voices of support that I also am hearing. Anger, blame, and bitterness are always loud. If we were all (really) in a room, sitting together, the loud voices would overwhelm everything else, and destroy the calm and peace that existed in the room, before. Now, we even have new people being recruited (created?) to come here and blast their angry voices at me.
"Ignoring" all of this would be my first choice. This very morning, I said in a post that I would not let anyone "run me away." But I am finding (as many others at MWO have found, when they too were being attacked) that "ignoring" is easier said than done... when it is happening in the place (the "room") where you are trying to get and give some help with our common problem. When you hoped to feel "safe."
Watching my own responses to this, I am realizing that listening to these voices, even being in the same room with these voices, is not consistent with my own need for some calm, some peacefulness; this kind of agitation can easily lead to drinking. I can't go there. I have to choose a healthier and saner path.
Obviously, my point of view is wildly inconsistent with that of many others here.
If I have hurt any of you, I am deeply sorry.
ray:
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