Regret

[kipper]

Hi all.

Today I am feeling a profound sense of regret for all the time I have ever wasted due to using drugs and alcohol as a means of escape.

I am not in crisis, and am still clean and sober, but I just feel sad that I will never have that time back.

I realize I can only continue to move forward--today, and every day--and I *do* understand the power of making ammends, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough...

Any thoughts? Any one?

[startingover]

Regret

Hiya Kipper, sometimes I feel like that and then other times , mostly in fact, I look on it like a blessing. I wonder if I would be as compassionate, or understanding, or knowledgeable about addiction if I hadnt been there myself. I wonder if its made me a stronger person, more determined perhaps than I would be had I not gone through all this.
I dont know, but I do believe that what we experience, we experience for a reason, because its something we need to learn.

[kipper]

Regret

Thanks Start, that definitely helps and I would agree.

If I had to guess, I would say part of the regret is normal and the other part is perhaps my "beast" poking at the raw areas to test the strength of my convictions? (The sh*t--but I am vigilant to its wicked ways...)

:thanks:

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Regret

I agree with starting, Kipper, but it took me a long time to get to that place, to be honest with you. I was filled with regret for quite some time. The only thing that would help would be for me to reach out and try to help someone else, do something for someone. Anything. Bringing food to the food shelf, donating clothes, anything. I think my compassion does come from my addictive personality, knowing what I've been through, the struggles. I think it's a path I was meant to take for some reason or other and now I'm so happy to be on a new path.

It's enough because it has to be. I hope you find some peace soon. I truly do.

Be

[kipper]

Regret

Thanks Be.

You are right. Helping others definitely does help. Good reminders.
(ps HAPPY BIRTHDAY)

[hippie37]

Regret

Kipper I've been going through a similar kind of experience myself recently that's left me feeling quite empty inside. Like you I am not in crisis but it's definitely had a profound effect on me this past week. Realisation that my addiction has been abundant in all areas of my life and not just when I'm loaded has left me with a bit of an identity crisis at present. I've always known I've had a thinking problem rather than a drinking problem but as to the extent of how deep that ran.......well I've just had my eyes opened and it's been a week of ups and downs. i just keep thinking positive though as I know there are going to be lots more days ahead of me when the realisation hits me hard about other things that I have no control over.

I finally took steps to start talking to other addicts further along the line than me who have more experience and understanding of the true nature of thier own addiction. As I said I've got a lot more 'hard pills' to swallow in the future and this I know for certain. I know my head is in a totally different place than it was 20 months or so ago when I tried to get sober for the first time and I think that's why I'm finally starting to feel 'awakened'. Even though a lot of the stuff I don't like and don't want to hear I know I have to finally start accepting things for what they are; and yes that does include a sense of loss for all the wasted years.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Regret

Thanks, kipper, and congrats on staying sober!

[tlrgs]

Regret

yes i always some how .. look back at what i have lost but .. i now look at what i have .. and that right there surpastes anything i have ever done ...

[kipper]

Regret

Hip--thanks so much for identifying and articulating thoughts/feelings that are identical to what I am experiencing.

I will try to focus on my PMA - positive mental attitude (also, v good song by the Bad Brains ) - because as you so aptly pointed out: there are plenty of things over which I have no control...

Thanks, also, tlrgs--I agree. Becoming sober is the best thing I have ever done, except for becoming a mother. That tops all.

and Oney--I needed that hug. :l Ta. (Liked the poem, too.)

[hulagirl]

Regret

Hi Kipper and Welcome. i don't know of any human being that doesn't have regrets of some type or another. I guess one of the steps to good mental and emotional health is to not dwell on them, try to put a positive spin on them (I'm not good at that, but it looks like others are) and look at today and tomorrow and the decisions and choices we'll make based on past experience. I find that looking back with regret, sadness, pain is a very dark place and I don't want to go there. I do like to reminisce about the fun times with our children and all the activities we had going on. Trying to focus on the positive.

[A Work in Progress]

Regret

Great question, kipper. As others have said... I agree with Starts... so much of my life, and so many of my poor choices, have taken chunks out of me, left me beat up and scarred; and now, they present a crucial choice to me: what do I take from them, to all of that? There are only two possibilities: bitterness and regret; OR wisdom, compassion, growth. It's (sometimes) hard to turn my back on the path to regret, sometimes even bitterness (anger with myself and also with others who certainly played a role in some of my bad choices), but I know that if I go that way... I just continue on the path of self-destruction. It's a seductive path, just like the path of relapse to alcohol use and abuse.

Like you said: cultivating that positive mental attitude is CRUCIAL. It's the only real choice. Choosing life, not death.

[kipper]

Regret

Thanks hula, and WIP.

Today got much better from the simple--yet amazing--process of sharing what's on my mind and then having others respond with their experiences.

I love this place.

:groupluv:

[startingover]

Regret

Kipper, you have summed it up beautifully! The ability to share and unload is priceless isnt it?
I am so glad you are feeling better.

[kipper]

Regret

Start, thanks again for your continuing support.

Next up, quitting smoking--then I will be well on my way to eliminating the (well, top 3 anyway) regrets in my life.

This whole process kind of reminds me of that scene from "Aliens" where Sigourney Weaver is cleaning Newt's face and says something like, ?Now I?ve done it?I made a clean spot. I guess I?ll have to do the whole thing...?

[startingover]

Regret

LMAO Kipper! Thats a bit how I feel! Now I have started. I want to see it through!
You will do great on the smoking I'm sure!