For the past ten days or so I have gone right back to drinking. I was given depression pills and just went loopy. I feel very shocked at the power of this alcohol and what it does to me and to us. I think yesterday was my worst day in absolutely ages. The drink must have been running through my veins instead of blood!!! Today is a new day. I feel that lousy that the thought of putting a drink in my body is a major no. I want to get better, I really do. I guess all this showed me is that I have to be very careful with my emotions. I have to try and be balanced and calm. I do not want to die of alcohol, and I do get very afraid, particularly after a major binge, which is what has just happened. I want to be able to hold my head high and say I had a battle with alcohol, but I won. I am keeping still and quiet today. I do not want to go out. I do not want to see a soul. I just want to be at peace. I feel that crappy that I don't think I could handle walking. The dogs will just have to go into the garden.
Yesterday when I came on here. I was reaching out. Just to anyone who could hear me. I needed advice on these pills and accept that they are going to make me feel 'weird' at first, but that is what they are meant to do. The support I received was amazing and it just made me feel I am not alone. You all know what it feels like. The sadness we feel when our loved ones are too ashamed of us and concerned about our drinking. To me alcohol misuse feels like a really dangerous form of self harm. I do not cut myself with knives or do things like that. Instead I drink to a bad level which harms my life and causes me such problems. I am very scared. I feel really, really scared, cos I never meant to go on a binge, it kind of just happened. Now that is really worrying when we lose such control. So today I am going to take the pills and not drink.
So I am back at square one, this time armed with depression pills. I am going to aim to get back into the gym, certainly not today or tomorrow, but this week. I am not going to be ashamed of the behaviour I have done when drunk. No one is perfect are they? You do have to admit though - it is shameful how we are when we drink isn't it??
To everyone who was there for me yesterday many, many and lots more thanks. It is like an online therapy session, we can communicate with words. I actually really believe that the only problem I have in my life is alcohol. Nothing more and nothing less. Everything else is just life.
have a really good day to you one and all....:h:thanks:
Yesterday when I came on here. I was reaching out. Just to anyone who could hear me. I needed advice on these pills and accept that they are going to make me feel 'weird' at first, but that is what they are meant to do. The support I received was amazing and it just made me feel I am not alone. You all know what it feels like. The sadness we feel when our loved ones are too ashamed of us and concerned about our drinking. To me alcohol misuse feels like a really dangerous form of self harm. I do not cut myself with knives or do things like that. Instead I drink to a bad level which harms my life and causes me such problems. I am very scared. I feel really, really scared, cos I never meant to go on a binge, it kind of just happened. Now that is really worrying when we lose such control. So today I am going to take the pills and not drink.
So I am back at square one, this time armed with depression pills. I am going to aim to get back into the gym, certainly not today or tomorrow, but this week. I am not going to be ashamed of the behaviour I have done when drunk. No one is perfect are they? You do have to admit though - it is shameful how we are when we drink isn't it??
To everyone who was there for me yesterday many, many and lots more thanks. It is like an online therapy session, we can communicate with words. I actually really believe that the only problem I have in my life is alcohol. Nothing more and nothing less. Everything else is just life.
have a really good day to you one and all....:h:thanks:
Comment