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why am i so sad when we lose people?

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    #1

    why am i so sad when we lose people?

    Is it just me or do other people get really sad when people are around and then they disappear? You know - people who reach out and really seem to want help but dont quite get into the program and then disappear...it makes me sad....
    Anyways sorry to be a downer. Love you all and hope you are all having a great night
    I love you all - positive vibes and hugs to each and all
    Jen:h :h
    Over 4 months AF :h
    Tags: None
    #2
    why am i so sad when we lose people?

    Me too, Jen!

    Hey, Jen,

    If you're a downer, then so am I, because I feel the same way. I notice that there are some people who are here for a very short time and then disappear. Some are here longer, then disappear. Hopefully some disappear into better lives! But we know that some are lost. And that IS SAD. The good news is that some DO REAPPEAR, and they reappear more ready to go to work!

    I guess we have to do what we do with our own lives and celebrate our successes and learn from the failures--and as Shas would say, keep swimming. That's what will keep us afloat!
    Hugs,
    Kathy:l
    AF as of August 5th, 2012

    Comment

      #3
      why am i so sad when we lose people?

      I still 'linger' just hoping for more time in my healing so as not to post anything negative... I "slipped" today and bought a small bottle of wine, just desperation, loneliness etc etc But on the positive it only acknowledged what I know I can not do!!! especially when one is so "vulnerable". It brought me a "moment" of energy but to only get zapped into depression. I haven't been able to cry since my 2 friends died and my emotions are starting to surface. Along with so many other emotions that I keep buried, like my adult kids, who never call only when they want something, knowing how hard this time is for me. Just so glad I bought the smallest bottle and now can start to regain my sanity. It's been 2 weeks of not drinking and even though I did have a beer several days ago, have not had any in 2 wks!! That has been the biggest help, not buying any booze. I've decided when in a "social" situation, which is RARE, I can moderate that part, just if its in the house, well that is not good. I was always a "closet" drinker, mainly due to loneliness. But, anyway, I check in the boards alot and gain so---much help from you all!!!!! Find what works for you and keep at it!!! Hugs, CJ
      CJ

      Comment

        #4
        why am i so sad when we lose people?

        Well, CJ, the Board is here for all of our feelings, both our triumphs and our pains. Many people have gotten through some tough times with the support of others on the site. I hope you will not worry too much about being negative and use the energy on MWO to help you through the rough patches as well.

        I remember about your two friends. I'm sorry that I have been so self absorbed that I didn't remember to reach out to you. Please reach out to us more, though. We are here for you, okay???

        Hugs,
        Kathy
        AF as of August 5th, 2012

        Comment

          #5
          why am i so sad when we lose people?

          I know what you mean, Jen. We form personal attachments here, and it's hard to think that someone we've grown to care about may be out there "going it alone." But just because they drop off the board for a while doesn't mean they are gone forever.... I am speaking from personal experience here. I've had a couple of experiences where I was on here a lot, then dropped off, and like Kathy said, I'm back now with even more willingness to do what it takes to make it work.

          It's also good to see some of the same folks around, month after month -- especially for someone coming back after being gone for a while. It's encouraging for those of us who have a hard time sticking with it at first. I see a few names on here that I recognize from when I first started lurking almost a year ago....

          I guess the most amazing part of it is to see all these people coming together, working on the same problem, finding tools to help and some encouragement along the way. We are finding varying levels of success, but the important part is that we all keep trying.

          Mike
          "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

          Comment

            #6
            why am i so sad when we lose people?

            Of course

            Of course Mike and I never give up on anyone:l :l
            It just makes me sad sometimes but i know people disappear sometimes and a lot of the times come back even stronger!!
            Hugs
            Jen
            Over 4 months AF :h

            Comment

              #7
              why am i so sad when we lose people?

              I too feel the same way. I don't get here everyday but I sure try on the days I am in the office to show up here. I miss Wandering Wombat who showed up on our mods board about 6-8 weeks ago? she was always so thoughtful on her program and progress. I really gleaned a lot of good action items for myself by reading her posts. I hate to think she is going it alone.

              Mike, I am thrilled you are back and ready to work harder.

              I think a lot of people run from the board for a week or two when they are falling down and don't want to be "downers" per se. I say, that is time they need to be here more than ever but they all have to do what is right for them at that point in time.

              Now for the breaking news . . . who is going to tell Mel Gibson about this site!! (hate to hear he had anti-semtic comments as my husband is Jewish and I feel sad when I see some of what they have to go through in terms of racism in this day and age.) Still some people make asses out of themselves when they are drunk.

              Hugs to all,
              Mary

              Comment

                #8
                why am i so sad when we lose people?

                Lurker

                I have to agree with Mary. I was on vacation for a week, which is why I wasn't here. But, I can't tell you how many times I have begun to post a message and deleted it because it was the same old crap. I get tired of hearing myself go over it again and again. If I'm getting sick of hearing myself, how must everyone else feel.

                Today is my day one - for the millionth time. I was out of Kudzu for the trip, so I am starting that again. I feel like crap and am sick of it. My weight is going in the wrong direction and I just don't feel like participating in life! I polished off the scotch yesterday, so that temptation is gone. I told my hubby not to buy more. It would be so much more helpful if he were supportive, but I think he thinks I'm making too big a deal of it.

                Barb

                Comment

                  #9
                  why am i so sad when we lose people?

                  We're not tired of you barb

                  Barb - we are here for you. If you are too ashamed or embarassed to write it down when you aer frustrated or upset, then send me a personal message for goodness sakes Thats what we are here for. Is there anything I can say to help? Are you on the topa? DO you have the CDs?
                  Let me know what I can do to help or if you want to talk
                  Chin up and dont be afraid to vent!!! VENT VENT VENT!! Hugs
                  :l
                  Jen
                  Over 4 months AF :h

                  Comment

                    #10
                    why am i so sad when we lose people?

                    I know what cha mean too. Thats why even when I have gotton busy I still swoop in so ya all know I'm still hangin. I wish everyone would do that. I wish we could make people check in. I think thats one of the big thing that keep US goin is seein everyone ELSE goin. Even if they slip. Still want to see them. Have we seen kirky lately? gabby
                    Gabby :flower:

                    Comment

                      #11
                      why am i so sad when we lose people?

                      Jen, thanks so much for your kind words. I get tired of hearing myself complain if I am not going to do anything about it. It's the same thing with my weight - I whine to my friends in between mouthfulls of food!! I feel like I am living this double life - none of my friends or family have any idea of how much I drink (except my hubby, who doesn't seem to care) because I am functional. I feel like such a fraud.

                      I am listening to the tapes. I didn't while I was on vacation, and I can really tell a difference in my mindset, so I'm back on them. The supplements had me in "digestive distress" which is still not 100% gone, so I stopped taking them. Kudzu is the one thing I am taking but didn't have any for the trip. I don't want to do the topa until I REALLY TRY with all of the other stuff. If this digestive thing doesn't stop, I may have to make an appointment with my Dr. At that point, I will bring it up. Gotta get back to exercising too.

                      Today is really hard for me. I am going to be 50 on September 12 and would like to not have a drink until then. I think I'm kidding myself. I'm sitting here right now wondering how I am going to make it, knowing that my hubby is going to stop for a drink on the way home from work, and I'll be jealous. I did polish off the scotch, so that temptation is gone. The only other thing I drink is beer, and that doesn't "call" to me like scotch does.

                      Boy, that "quick reply" turned into a book!

                      Barb

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