a question....

[claudia3]

what is it that is so cruel about nature that makes our bodies process alcohol on different levels??? ''normal'' people drink until they're sick or know they've had enough, but for the past year I've become aware that wont happen to me I can drink a lot of alcohol on an empty stomache and while I'm pretty safe in the knowledge I wont puke on anyone or have a hangver, I will have a blackout (is that right??) ie i will not know when to stop and go from being happily merry, to waking up the next day waiting for the horror stories of what I did or said the night before, I know this is not a particularly positive question but I just wondered, I habe a very social work life and I always go out with the promise of control, only to lose it, yet there are times especially if its a meal out when I can keep complete control, I hate myself bevause I know a lot of my drinking is tied in with staying thin and I want so much not to be so selfish.

[dill]

a question....

No one ever said life is fair. If they did, they were crazy! I'm not sure it does much good to focus on the reason. It's just more important to accept that this is the way it is. I mean, there's lots of things in life that happen to people. What good does it do to bemoan things? I don't mean to sound harsh. I hope I don't. I am just thinking energy is better spent trying to figure out what, if anything, you want to do about this problem. Of course, this advice is coming from one who has spent lots of time and energy asking "why" and trying to control this thing! LOL!


Best wishes to you!

[aprilmoon]

a question....

I don't know if it's the same for you, but the longer I have been drinking (months into years) I can drink more. I hardly ever throw up. I am a little person. If I start drinking prior to eating dinner, I hardly eat much, because I would not want the food to absorb the drink. Crazy, I know, but that's true.

When I was drinking, I drank fast and forever...meaning it was drink after drink (go pee) drink and drink and drink.... I wasn't thirsty....I wanted the buzz fast and to last for a long time.

I'm on 24 days AF, I think, and I am drinking sweet tea. I want to know why I just sip it and a glass last forever.

I hope you get the answers to your questions.

[claudia3]

a question....

thanks to you both and no dill, that doesnt sound harsh I think I'm ready for people to stop soft soaping my problem. i'm ready for straight talking its what i need for the sake of those around me, I just thrash about sometimes its shame that does it..

[claudia3]

a question....

gosh well done to you aprilmoon, I'm in awe of you all who can abstain hugs and support to you xx

[Still_Fighting]

a question....

I feel your frustration, Claudia3. I feel the same way. One thing I've come to learn over the years, though is that every single person has a battle. We don't usually know it, because they're typically not too public, but believe, EVERYone has a story. It's not fair we have to battle with alcohol. But, for others, it's the same feeling of unfairness, just for other reasons. Think of all the common battles...of course there's AA, but then there's weight watchers, diabetics, cancer patients going through chemo, widows. There are tons more, it's just that our lot is alcohol. It's not fair, but it does make us human.

This perspective doesn't really contribute to making anything better, it's just my perspective. When I think of the unfairness, I remember some of the stories I've heard from people in the past that surprised me. Just last week I was working with a group of people and after friendly conversation the other lady in the group told me how her husband died in Iraq 2 years ago. On many days it's all she can do to get out of bed and take care of her two young children. Prior to that conversation I was getting a bad opinion of her because I though she just didn't give a crap about our group project. We have to remember that everyone has a battle (and ours just happens to be alcohol).

Before I was an alcoholic, I was the child of an abusive alcoholic (that was my battle, then). I sure don't want that to be the battle for my children, so I'm Still Fighting.

I hope somehow it helps to remember that everyone battles demons. It doesn't really diminish our own struggle, but sometimes it can help soften the blow.
Take care,
SF

[Boss.man]

a question....

Claudia, if you are in awe of abstainers, than you probably know personally you are a bit too attached to the drinks.

There are lots of stories on this site. I can only tell my own. I was a daily drinker for many years, from about 1980 until last year. Oddly, I think I was the opposite as you. I NEVER drank at parties, or bars or any social situations if I was driving. I was so convinced I had no control, that I would not engage until I was over the driving thing. Sometimes I'd come home at 11 or 12 at night, and suddenly down 7-8 drinks.

Your first question is really the best question:

> what is it that is so cruel about nature that makes our bodies process alcohol on different levels??

The simple answer, is that you just made a huge accurate statement.

Alcohol engages our bodies on numerous different levels. It affects our glucose, adrenalin, histamines, dopamine, and opiate centers. It shuts off "common sense" and turns on "animal instinct". It engages fight or flight, and eliminates hunger. It gives you sniffles (yes alcohol turns on histamines).

When you eat, you feel full.

When you eat french fries, you are full of fat, and you get a sugar rush from the starch.

When you eat an alcoholic beverage, you engage your body in a dozen different ways, that by comparison make the french fries seem both simple and healthy.


I've been off and on AF since August. It's been a tough road for me. The more I abstain, the more I'm fighting my "evil angel" inside. I have a good stretch AF now from early January, and am feeling better comfort with the AF version of me. The evil side hasn't left me. But I've focused on other aspects, and so by lack of attention, he is less important to me now.