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Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

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    Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

    Hello, my friends.

    I can?t tell you how much I miss so many of you. It?s been one hell of a journey. I would never have believed that when I first logged on here that I would post saying I am 14 months AF. What a long strange trip it?s been. I have spent years praying for help to become sober and I broke down about a month ago when I went to say my nightly prayer and realized that I had nothing to ?personally? ask of God. I actually laid in bed and cried silent tears because all I had to say was ?thank you?. I can?t express the release of peace that washed over me. I think I slept the best night of my life that night. I would never have thought I could get to that point in my life and I owe that to RJ and my friends here (past and present).

    Don?t get me wrong, life is far from perfect. I am still living in a horrendous neighborhood, my 14 year old car has been broken down for months because I can?t afford to fix it, I am the sole supporter of my niece who is away at college, I want to cry almost daily because I miss her so much, and I could be little more diligent about a few personal issues I have got to get myself to deal with. But damn it?s so much easier sober than not. It took many years to learn I could not drink my troubles away. All I did was drink my life away. It?s time lost that I will never get back. I can not dwell on it and keep punishing myself, but I can?t allow myself to forget it either. I can honestly say that feel that I am recovered. Not in a cocky way, but I just don?t want to go through life worrying if I am going to slip. So therefore I don?t drink. I will not consider it. When I decided I would no longer consider moderation, my life got so much easier. The stress of ?will this be the day that I try a drink? was like an anchor being removed from around my neck. I no longer count the days and live in fear. I am recovered.

    I may not be here often, but there is not a day that goes by were I am not thinking of you guys (and you know who you are). Part of me wants to list names, but the other part has this dreaded fear that I would miss someone on my list and I dare not hurt anyone. And if you only posted to me once, know that I thank you too for your support and encouragement. In the beginning, just a few simple lines and replies kept me from caving in on my day 3 and from then on, I knew I could do this with your help.

    Even though I felt the need to leave for awhile, I always felt sad because I have this guilt of ?pay it forward?. I try to help and then get overwhelmed and it saddens me sometimes. And then to receive backlash at times for having an opinion others don?t agree with is just disheartening. But the good here out ways the bad and I feel that I will always be a part of MWO because it is a part of me. I don?t know where I would be without this site and I will forever be eternally grateful to RJ for sharing her amazing insight and experience.

    I have been back to work for about 4 months now and it?s been so empowering. I have been out with everyone after work for ?happy hour? a couple of times and they are amazed to know someone who doesn?t drink! I still find it odd that they are so shocked. I have been asked why I don?t drink and I simply say ?I don?t want to?. Plain and simple. If someone really pushes the issue, I tell them that too much research has led me to believe alcohol is an actual poison and I don?t want it in my body anymore. This usually leads to a few more questions, and I think these people are looking for help without coming right out and asking for it. I tread carefully as to not offend or become preachy, but I have my suspicions about one or two simply by what they ask and how they ask it. I just let them know that I can provide web info if they want it and I just leave the door open. Ball is in their court, so to speak.

    It?s just so nice to know that I can still go out and have fun and not feel like I am missing out on anything. I don?t even get tempted, but I would be lying if I wasn?t scared my first time out. But watching them all get drunk and then discuss their hangovers come Monday morning has been eye opening. I am even back participating in weekend charity raffles that were always a major drinking day (and still is for everyone else there as it takes place in a bar) and no one there even noticed that I don?t drink! That?s actually been kind of cool. Maybe they do notice and are polite enough not to ask, I really don?t care. The point is I am out socializing again and it feels great.

    I am still in awe of how I live my life now. I am no longer a slave to alcohol. I can go out and do anything anytime I want and not have to worry about when will I get a drink, can I sneak some in my purse, can I get out of certain plans because I would rather stay home and drink.

    I AM LIVING NOW INSTEAD OF JUST EXISTING. And there is no drink in the world that could make me feel better than that.

    All my love to you ~ Thanks for everything.

    Love,
    Me
    :l
    Alcohol is simply the device between success and failure.

    #2
    Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

    Thankful...such a beautiful and empowering post. Thanks very much for sharing it. I remember you from my early days here -- you were always an inspiration. Stay in your power! :h
    ~K.

    Comment


      #3
      Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

      Thankful
      That is one of the most powerful and inspiring posts I have read in awhile. I have not been spending much time on this site lately, but am so glad I logged in tonight to read this. You sound so positive despite life not being perfect and it is just what I needed to read tonite. Thank you Thankful!!!!

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        #4
        Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

        WOW- Thankful- you are there! That peaceful place. I pray that someday I can be in such a clear, beautiful, free place in my life. Thank you for inspiring me.
        Toughen up!

        Comment


          #5
          Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

          What a great post! You have my deepest respect and I wish you continued success.

          Comment


            #6
            Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

            awesome job tankful love you and missed you so much .. stay strong and keep on think positive girl ..way to go again
            :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
            best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

            Comment


              #7
              Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

              Wonderful post! Thank you.

              Comment


                #8
                Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                Hi Thankful
                Congratulations on the hard work I am sure you put in to get to where you are today.

                Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
                AF 5-16-08
                Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
                AF 5-16-08

                Comment


                  #9
                  Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                  Thankful, its wonderful to read that post, thank you for sharing it. I am glad you are doing so well. I always wonder how people are fairing when they stop posting so much. It lovely to have an update and such a positive one at that.
                  Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
                  Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                    Thankful, Thank you so much for posting this post. It was the first thing I read this morning and a fantastic way to start the day. Best wishes for the future with all my respect.
                    Amelia

                    Sober since 30/06/10

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                      I am very happy for you Thankful. "life on life's terms" is not always easy, but you are rockin' it!! Very inspirational post. Thank you.
                      "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                        Thankful
                        What a powerful post, all the elements of a reclaimed life are there. Congratulations and well done:goodjob:

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                          I am at day 28 AF.....working on a life time. I've been sober for years and then gave in. I admire where you are now. I want to be there again. Thanks for posting your recovery. It gives me hope.
                          RUM IS POISON AF since 09/28/09

                          "The hangover last a lot longer than the buzz!!!" quote from FloridaBoy

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                            Thankful

                            What a really great thing to come on here and after only 3 days or so as a membder read your last post. I am not familiar with your story as obviously some of the other posters might be, but that you are so positive and successful is inspiring to me and clearly to others to. So WELL DONE YOU. And thank you for sharing the good stuff as it is VERY important to hear the successes as well as get comfort and advise in spades.

                            Love Moo
                            "The greatest thing in the world is not so much where we are,
                            but in what direction we are moving."

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Just wanted to say Hello...and Thank you.

                              Thankful, how nice to hear from you! What a warming, inspiring post. Thank you so much.
                              sigpic
                              Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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