Hello, my friends.
I can?t tell you how much I miss so many of you. It?s been one hell of a journey. I would never have believed that when I first logged on here that I would post saying I am 14 months AF. What a long strange trip it?s been. I have spent years praying for help to become sober and I broke down about a month ago when I went to say my nightly prayer and realized that I had nothing to ?personally? ask of God. I actually laid in bed and cried silent tears because all I had to say was ?thank you?. I can?t express the release of peace that washed over me. I think I slept the best night of my life that night. I would never have thought I could get to that point in my life and I owe that to RJ and my friends here (past and present).
Don?t get me wrong, life is far from perfect. I am still living in a horrendous neighborhood, my 14 year old car has been broken down for months because I can?t afford to fix it, I am the sole supporter of my niece who is away at college, I want to cry almost daily because I miss her so much, and I could be little more diligent about a few personal issues I have got to get myself to deal with. But damn it?s so much easier sober than not. It took many years to learn I could not drink my troubles away. All I did was drink my life away. It?s time lost that I will never get back. I can not dwell on it and keep punishing myself, but I can?t allow myself to forget it either. I can honestly say that feel that I am recovered. Not in a cocky way, but I just don?t want to go through life worrying if I am going to slip. So therefore I don?t drink. I will not consider it. When I decided I would no longer consider moderation, my life got so much easier. The stress of ?will this be the day that I try a drink? was like an anchor being removed from around my neck. I no longer count the days and live in fear. I am recovered.
I may not be here often, but there is not a day that goes by were I am not thinking of you guys (and you know who you are). Part of me wants to list names, but the other part has this dreaded fear that I would miss someone on my list and I dare not hurt anyone. And if you only posted to me once, know that I thank you too for your support and encouragement. In the beginning, just a few simple lines and replies kept me from caving in on my day 3 and from then on, I knew I could do this with your help.
Even though I felt the need to leave for awhile, I always felt sad because I have this guilt of ?pay it forward?. I try to help and then get overwhelmed and it saddens me sometimes. And then to receive backlash at times for having an opinion others don?t agree with is just disheartening. But the good here out ways the bad and I feel that I will always be a part of MWO because it is a part of me. I don?t know where I would be without this site and I will forever be eternally grateful to RJ for sharing her amazing insight and experience.
I have been back to work for about 4 months now and it?s been so empowering. I have been out with everyone after work for ?happy hour? a couple of times and they are amazed to know someone who doesn?t drink! I still find it odd that they are so shocked. I have been asked why I don?t drink and I simply say ?I don?t want to?. Plain and simple. If someone really pushes the issue, I tell them that too much research has led me to believe alcohol is an actual poison and I don?t want it in my body anymore. This usually leads to a few more questions, and I think these people are looking for help without coming right out and asking for it. I tread carefully as to not offend or become preachy, but I have my suspicions about one or two simply by what they ask and how they ask it. I just let them know that I can provide web info if they want it and I just leave the door open. Ball is in their court, so to speak.
It?s just so nice to know that I can still go out and have fun and not feel like I am missing out on anything. I don?t even get tempted, but I would be lying if I wasn?t scared my first time out. But watching them all get drunk and then discuss their hangovers come Monday morning has been eye opening. I am even back participating in weekend charity raffles that were always a major drinking day (and still is for everyone else there as it takes place in a bar) and no one there even noticed that I don?t drink! That?s actually been kind of cool. Maybe they do notice and are polite enough not to ask, I really don?t care. The point is I am out socializing again and it feels great.
I am still in awe of how I live my life now. I am no longer a slave to alcohol. I can go out and do anything anytime I want and not have to worry about when will I get a drink, can I sneak some in my purse, can I get out of certain plans because I would rather stay home and drink.
I AM LIVING NOW INSTEAD OF JUST EXISTING. And there is no drink in the world that could make me feel better than that.
All my love to you ~ Thanks for everything.
Love,
Me
:l
I can?t tell you how much I miss so many of you. It?s been one hell of a journey. I would never have believed that when I first logged on here that I would post saying I am 14 months AF. What a long strange trip it?s been. I have spent years praying for help to become sober and I broke down about a month ago when I went to say my nightly prayer and realized that I had nothing to ?personally? ask of God. I actually laid in bed and cried silent tears because all I had to say was ?thank you?. I can?t express the release of peace that washed over me. I think I slept the best night of my life that night. I would never have thought I could get to that point in my life and I owe that to RJ and my friends here (past and present).
Don?t get me wrong, life is far from perfect. I am still living in a horrendous neighborhood, my 14 year old car has been broken down for months because I can?t afford to fix it, I am the sole supporter of my niece who is away at college, I want to cry almost daily because I miss her so much, and I could be little more diligent about a few personal issues I have got to get myself to deal with. But damn it?s so much easier sober than not. It took many years to learn I could not drink my troubles away. All I did was drink my life away. It?s time lost that I will never get back. I can not dwell on it and keep punishing myself, but I can?t allow myself to forget it either. I can honestly say that feel that I am recovered. Not in a cocky way, but I just don?t want to go through life worrying if I am going to slip. So therefore I don?t drink. I will not consider it. When I decided I would no longer consider moderation, my life got so much easier. The stress of ?will this be the day that I try a drink? was like an anchor being removed from around my neck. I no longer count the days and live in fear. I am recovered.
I may not be here often, but there is not a day that goes by were I am not thinking of you guys (and you know who you are). Part of me wants to list names, but the other part has this dreaded fear that I would miss someone on my list and I dare not hurt anyone. And if you only posted to me once, know that I thank you too for your support and encouragement. In the beginning, just a few simple lines and replies kept me from caving in on my day 3 and from then on, I knew I could do this with your help.
Even though I felt the need to leave for awhile, I always felt sad because I have this guilt of ?pay it forward?. I try to help and then get overwhelmed and it saddens me sometimes. And then to receive backlash at times for having an opinion others don?t agree with is just disheartening. But the good here out ways the bad and I feel that I will always be a part of MWO because it is a part of me. I don?t know where I would be without this site and I will forever be eternally grateful to RJ for sharing her amazing insight and experience.
I have been back to work for about 4 months now and it?s been so empowering. I have been out with everyone after work for ?happy hour? a couple of times and they are amazed to know someone who doesn?t drink! I still find it odd that they are so shocked. I have been asked why I don?t drink and I simply say ?I don?t want to?. Plain and simple. If someone really pushes the issue, I tell them that too much research has led me to believe alcohol is an actual poison and I don?t want it in my body anymore. This usually leads to a few more questions, and I think these people are looking for help without coming right out and asking for it. I tread carefully as to not offend or become preachy, but I have my suspicions about one or two simply by what they ask and how they ask it. I just let them know that I can provide web info if they want it and I just leave the door open. Ball is in their court, so to speak.
It?s just so nice to know that I can still go out and have fun and not feel like I am missing out on anything. I don?t even get tempted, but I would be lying if I wasn?t scared my first time out. But watching them all get drunk and then discuss their hangovers come Monday morning has been eye opening. I am even back participating in weekend charity raffles that were always a major drinking day (and still is for everyone else there as it takes place in a bar) and no one there even noticed that I don?t drink! That?s actually been kind of cool. Maybe they do notice and are polite enough not to ask, I really don?t care. The point is I am out socializing again and it feels great.
I am still in awe of how I live my life now. I am no longer a slave to alcohol. I can go out and do anything anytime I want and not have to worry about when will I get a drink, can I sneak some in my purse, can I get out of certain plans because I would rather stay home and drink.
I AM LIVING NOW INSTEAD OF JUST EXISTING. And there is no drink in the world that could make me feel better than that.
All my love to you ~ Thanks for everything.
Love,
Me
:l
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