Moo's Plan

[Blue Sky]

Moo's Plan

Hi Moo, I'm still learning too :H:H:H:H:H

It was a lot easier to be AF wasn't it? This modding business is a lot trickier!

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

May's plan!

Well its may. I joined here on February 21st 2009 and 22nd was my first AF day. I have just looked at my month ahead and decided when i will and will not allow myself to drink. I have allowed myself a total of 6 evenings throughout may when AL can be part of it. This includes two evenings with friends (tomorrow and next tuesday), then a 3 week AF stint (very important) and then 4 consecutive days when i will be on a family visit with Mr Moo. Its doubtful I will drink on all 4 days here but I am allowing myself freedom to see what I do. The usual rules will apply when I do drink, I will have lots of water and kudzu and think carefully before I do it as to what I drink and how much. I will report on how it goes and be very honest on drink tracker. This way I will see how I am doing and will be able to look back over time and see patterns, changes or improvements.

I am actually looking foward to the 3 weeks being fully AF again as much as the special events I have planned as as BLUESKY says, in some ways this time is easier. Well on balance, I dont know if its easier, but it does require less thinking about.

Moo

[scrubbly]

Moo's Plan

Hi Moo. Thanks so much for sharing your journey. I'm just starting out but like you I don't think I'm physically addicted to AL just have bad bad habits. I'm considering the modding thing so I'm watching input from you and Sun carefully while I do some AF time to make up my mind.

Just wanted to intro myself as a lurker who has been watching your splendid progress! Much luck to you!

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

Slightly dissapointed....

...well its sunday morning and I went out with one of my lovely friends last night. We had a meal and Champagne...2 bottles between us...so one each! over the evening..then one 3 cocktails and a vodka and diet coke over the rest of the evening. Now for me (at any time) this is a big night out. Fortunatley I remembered to take an alkaseltzer before bed and one this morning so I dont feel too physically bad, but I would have done had I forgotten the meds!

I am awake very early, Mr Moo is away and my friend is staying. I feel that I over did it by about 3 drinks. I forgot my kudzu so that is part of it, but it shows me that I am a long way from getting it right too.

There are no nasties arising from the night in that I remember it all, I enjoyed it very much, nothing went wrong as it were. This morning though, I cannot shake this feeling of guilt. I have been getting rather used to not having it in my life and honestly, I am not enjoying it one bit. I had (as above) planned to allow myself to drink on tuesday as I am seeing another friend. This would be a much more sensible night, but, I have decided this morning I am not going to drink then. This feeling is a really good catalyst for a long AF session. It will make me feel better to know that I have made a plan and am going to stick to it.

There are mixed feelings here. I did go out with the intention of having enough drinks to be happy and merry, no doubt of it. In my 8 weeks AF I went out with the same friend a few times and we didnt drink, so its not that my friendship with her is based on it, but I wont lie, we both like a nice meal and a few champagnes. But I just feel I went further than I wanted to. And worse is that I know I could have got it right and stopped after the first champagne and maybe had one cocktail. Its just the difference between feeling ok about it and not.

I have entitled this slightly dissapointing and not disaster, because I genuinely feel I have made such progress and dont want to over beat myself, but equally I am going to use these feelings of guilt to give myself another really good AF run. So I will amend drinktracker and be AF now until Saturday may 30th (28 days AF) then I will see where I am then.

I suppose I knew the day would come when I would be posting a negative, but its ok. A mistake seems to lead to more positive...so here we go AF again. It is actually easier to be AF, whilst there is a little bit of longing for a drink sometimes, there is none of this guilt shit and feeling unwell!

The only problem I am finding with occasional drinking is that I dont drink often enough to practice the amounts......if I was modding more regularly it might be better in that regard.....but I am not going to....would still rather get it wrong very occasionally and be AF most of the time......somehow that feels more like what a normal drinker would do! I dont know if this post makes much sense, but I am delighted to be able to type it in the moment so as its here as a constant reminder.....

Love MOO


WELCOME SCRUBBLY

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

And another thing!

I am writing this down now as having just written the above and then gone for a surf round I am actually thinking it.......I am not sure I want to drink any more at all. I almost want to say thats it for me.....this is the morning after me talking......I want to remember exactly how this feels, exactly what it makes me think and exactly who it makes me, then reflect on this when I am a few days away from it.

[gyco]

Moo's Plan

hi moo.do i congratulate you or not,are you doing the rt thing, You have to decide, ? a bottle of wine each,a few cocktails,next it will be a real offal evening,back to square one,progress is what you beleive is right,i find , from as you call them , ramblings, permission to drink,your normal person doesnt need permission,wouldnt think of asking,they mite get loaded,and never do it again,as far as the guilt,shame,anxious and the rest of the feelings,it comes from the feeling Al gives you,when you dont drink it,you dont normally have those feelings,i was at a meeting AA yesterday,my thot for the day was,when do I or we ever learn,maybe we just cant drink,my great niece has an allergy to peanuts,dont eat them ,easy,we have an allergy to Al, Moo,im happy you found a way that you feel comfortable with,great plan if you can keep it up,sounds a lot like my plan,over the last20 years or so,wishing you well gyco

[Sunbeam]

Moo's Plan

Moo,
It took me six months of trial and errors to figure out the right balance for me. And we will have a lifetime of learning and accepting that we still have a problem with alcohol. But we can also work hard to control this problem - or just decide it isn't worth the effort, having to think about it all the time, and stop drinking. It is our choice. I love those effortless weekdays because I know I just will not drink, and I expereince the same pleasure with AF weekends. But I also enjoy the social relaxation I find with a few drinks.

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

I have drunk and got it right a couple of times since my first AF stint and I know I will again. I just wanted to document that feeling when I have gone over my personal "ok on occasion" limit , so that I can seek to avoid cocking up again. I will do my 28 days AF then see.....

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

Phase 2

Well I have been mooching around this morning, doing my sunday chores...the house in quiet as my friend has gone and Mr Moo is still away....reflecting on what I want to do next. I have henceforth decided to repeat the 54 day AF stint that I did before (only a couple of weeks ago. Why?

1. It happily takes me up to a date in June when I have a few days booked away with a buddy who does drink, but sensibly, thus I will allow myself the chance to drink then.

2. That length of times was a challenge last time but I already know I can do it, so no excuses.

3. I feel I want more time away from it. Its just easier as I am too busy to want to analyse all this rubbish so much.

4. It is that "wrong" feeling that I had this morning that will give me the commitment to go that long again, so might as well bank it, as in general I havent been getting it wrong. So the chance may not present again if I dont grab it now....lol!

5. I just think it will help me to have a real new pattern in my life. It will mean that at the end of that period I can honestly say to people "I have only drunk AL a handful of times in the last 5 months" which for me will be a result and the result I am looking for. I have never sought perfect abstinence, nor do I think I need to. I just think the more AF time I put in the easier it will be for the rest of my life to run smoothly in this regard. AF will be my new habit.

Things have moved foward so much that I dont feel like I need some great plan with strategies like I did last time. I will just decide not to drink for eight weeks and come on here for a rant if it gets s bit tough here or there.

I have been very prolific with the old words today, but I felt it was right to be very open when I feel it hasnt gone to plan as well as when it does. And also to harness any negative feelings to the good.

Moo

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

Back on track...

...just checking in to day, that i feel that on reflection, I am glad I went a little over my intended amount and had the feelings of guilt that arose from it. I has brought positve all round and is as SUNBEAM says assisting my learning.

Firstly it has harnessed another long period of abstinence which this time will incorporate time spent away from home with other family and that will be a real test, but one I am ready to take. I always like to up the anti...so this is good. I am totally committed to another AF stint. It feels right. It will give me 54 days to focus on all the good things in life,. my exercise routines (which I am today adjusting to incorporate much more stretch and tone as well as new cardio), healthy diet which again I am thinking about a few more changes to and time in the garden getting a lot done. I feel this is very positive. I feel good about the prospect whereas last time it filled me with horror and I did not know whether I could do it. So the leap forward is tremendous, for anyone starting out I can confirm there may be errors of judgment, but this does get easier.


Secondly, I think I need to learn to let go of the feelings of guilt and anxiety that come when I get it wrong. Althought I may have had one or two drinks over whats acceptable to me, there was no other reason for guilt or anxiety. I had a lovely time, I remembered all my actions, none of which where stupid or drunken or bad in any way. I did nothing wrong. I felt tired and a bit heahachy, but nothing that most of my friends done experience once a fortnight or month and think nothing of. These are not a set of excuses to do this by the way for anyone reading, but I need to have a real perspective on what I am doing. I am not alcoholic and now that I am doing this at this time in my life I dont think I will get there, I am too aware of myself for that. I simply need to learn new patterns of behaviour and boy is that starting to happen.

If I am going to have the odd night here and there in my life when AL is involved (and I think the odder, the better) then I need to accept that I will probably mostly drink sensibly (as I have been doing) but that at the odd occasion I may go a bit further than I should. It is my aim to avoid this and I will, but my reactions to the other night were disproportionate in any event.

I am happy to get on with the next 52 days of 54 and just be. Just carry on learning to enjoy AF time as I have started to do and put this behind me ready to reread when I am next considering AL.

here is to a whole line of little zeros for May and most of June.....


,,,,Mooo

[j-vo]

Moo's Plan

Hi Moo,
I've been catching up on your journal and you're inspiring me! What you said about "being aware of yourself" is something that I was missing for a long time. This site has made me so much more aware of my habits, behaviors... and I've improved greatly because of people like you. Keep up the great work and AF stretches. You're reaping the benefits in all you are and do in life. You're a rock star!

[DeeBee]

Moo's Plan

Moo, you are being AWARE and for me, that is one of the most important parts to living a mod life.

[Sunbeam]

Moo's Plan

Hi Moo,
You are making a good choice in doing more time AF. More AF time is always better.

I think it is good to be anxious about whether you are drinking too much, mulling it over and over. Alcohol has caused us enough problems in our lives. The anxiety causes you to be aware, be vigilant, about avoiding future problems. Your AF plan will get rid of your anxiety.

I have a thought to share about Drink Tracker, but I will post it on the occasional drinking thread, where I also saw your post.

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

REALLY back on track

I have just returned home from spending an afternoon/evening with a good friend of mine, which included a meal at hers. I am feeling so happy. Firstly I had a brilliant evening, but the icing on the cake was;

a) I had originally decided I would stay over and have a few drinks, this was all ok as was within my plan and would have been within my limits, but nonetheless I am chuffed that I decided a few days before going not to stay over and not to drink. I was my choice, I just didnt want to, did not see the point or the need. This is a big step foward.

b) before going to her house after work I popped in to the off licence (liquor store for my american buds) to get myself something NON alc to drink as I knew she would be having some wine. They looked at me blank as I asked what they had that was non ALC and offered me a choice of water or diet coke, so I bought one of each! IT was a wonderful feeling to have walked into a shop full of wine and not even look at it. I honestly didnt even see it.

c) my friend offered me a glass of wine and I could have had a small one with dinner and driven later, but was not even vaguley tempted.

d) she had a couple of glasses in front of me and I didnt really SEE them.

I drove home and thought I am posting this because, although I am anaysing it now, I realised how little thought I had given it and how great that felt. I feel sort of FREE and HAPPY.

A EUREKA moment I suppose. I know now I will wake up in my bed feeling refreshed and ready for work tomorrow.

YAY
Night...Moo

[Sunbeam]

Moo's Plan

Yay, you! It really gets easier as thoughts turn into habits.