Moo's Plan

[Sunbeam]

Moo's Plan

Hey Moo,
You sound great. Wonderful feeling to be able to put life back into perspective. AL is not king, he has been de-throned!

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

End of the month.

I have been here for over four months now. I am way past counting the days, thank god, but I still think about how the month has gone. I have been AF for 25 days out of a possible 30, so I am pretty happy with that. I have also been AF for 3 saturdays out of a possible 4. This is also good as I continue to break my cycle. 4 of the days I had AL in my life I was on vacation, so I count this as a special occasion. 1 of the days was an error, in that I had not planned to drink and did drink more than I should have done...but I learnt an awful lot from that experience and feel that it will help me to spot a danger zone early next time (time of the month, which I had not truly seen as an issue related to AL before joining here and monitoring things so closely. I also know that staying close to the site here is paramount for me at the moment. Perhaps in time, it will become less essential, but at this time, I am a devotee to daily consideration of this site.

I am also really pleased with how my holiday went. Results all recorded above.

I can in all honestly say that I have had NO physical ill effects of AL this month and feel I have been in control of it (with the slight exception of the one night mentioned above, but even that night was not as bad as before MWO. I had wiser choice of drink, had no disasters and no hangover).

All in all, June was a success. I continue to learn and to grow. I continue to become calmer as a person and I THINK my PMT is improving too. That will be a relief for Mr Moo if I am proved correct. I also think I am finding this blog cathartic. I have never ever kept a diary or a journal of any kind before. I think having the freedom to write whatever I want and express myself in any way I see fit is very useful, not just in terms of having a record of events and emotions, but also in terms of having a rant when I need to or stating I feel positive when I do. It seems to reinforce the good stuff and help with the bad stuff.

So Here is to July. I am looking forward to filling out my plan for the month tomorrow on drinktracker....it is like tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it...YET! It is a new month, full of new possibilities....in which I can be who I want to be/aspire to be. I think half the battle is in the planning. Some have said not to over plan, but for me it really works. I think it will serve me well for the forseeable future. I also get a sense of satisfaction whenever I fill in a zero....25 little zzeros this month.

well lots of waffle again for any of you folks who actually read my drivel I applaud your patients....!!LOL

Love MOO

[DeeBee]

Moo's Plan

Moo, you are such an inspiration to me.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, I am learning a lot from you.
Love
Dee

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

OH DEEBS....

....You are an inspiration to me and no mistake....You are a great and valued friend. MAny on this site have helped enormously with my Journey so far, but I count you amoungst one of the most special and supportive people here. So thank you hunny. Long may the Mod Squad Continue......

Love Moo

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

Over nighter!

I have had a happily AF week since my break away. No beasty nagging. And have been wary as THAT TIME is FAST approaching.....

So its drinkies with my friend tomorrow night. Ususally when I see this lady I am driving as she lives a little way away, plus I have been largely trying not to drink.

But I have finally given in and agreed to go out for a meal and stay over and make a bit of an event of it. So, I must in the normal way be prepared, be careful and be moderate. I think I have my tools in place now. I will drink lots of water, stick to drinks that suit me, and not be pushed. I have carefully planned it so that I can drink over a longer period and try and avoid any urge to get drunk. I feeling quite positive.

Love to all Moo

[DeeBee]

Moo's Plan

Oh Moo! I am having such an emo day and your post has just made my day.
I am eternally grateful that the universe has brought us together.

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

Time to give up wine and set some boundaries?

Had dinner out with my friend last night. It was a lovely evening. I did drink more wine than I wanted to though. There was good stuff in there, drank it over longer, enjoyed it. No forgetting what was said and although I had a bit of a wine head on, I did stop of my own will and get to bed a sensible time and all that.

We drank over lots of hours so the six glasses, (much to much I know) is not quite as awful as it sounds.

I did however feel a bit headachy in the morning and its just a shame. I noted last time I drank Beer that I didnt have any of this. I am pretty sure its the chemicals in the wine i cant cope with and gives me headaches. So, I am seriously thinking that I should avoid wine and start drinking beer as unsophisticated as it may be. I think it will suit me better.

In addition, I am beginning to think I need to start setting amounts, before going out when I am planning to drink.

There has been massive progress so far as documented. I have cracked the not drinking time pretty well and have learnt to go out and have fun without it. And largely I am stopping early enough not to get hungover. But in reality, I know I still drink more than I should sometimes when I do drink and I need to start working on this.

I know I am on for 2 weeks AF now before going to see another friend for the weekend for her pre wedding hen night thing. She likes a drink and we have drunk lots together in the past. She has had a kiddy now and drinks much less than she did, but this is still a potential danger zone. I am temtped to say to her that as nice a champagne would be, it doesnt agree with me and I will be having beer. I might get a disappointed look, but she will get over it and I might be happier the next day. I also intend to try and put a four on drink tracker for the main night we go out. Six is too much now. I feel it is too much and I want to start to reducing my intake when I do drink. Its the next logical step. I guess I knew it was coming. I just needed to be ready to commit to it and now I am.


Here is to 2 weeks AF.
Moo

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

Or maybe its just time to give up!

I have spider viens...just a couple on my nose and I have read that there is a connection with liver disease. This has been worrying me for a really long time and if I am honest lead in part to me coming here. I have just done some more "reading" and basically scared myself witless again as I did at the start of this process. Convincing myself that I have something seriously wrong with me. I want to cry my eyes out right now. Right at this moment I feel I should never drink again. My friend drank the same as me last night and thought nothing of it...shes older than me at 39 and smaller by far..When I look around me, a lot of the people I know seem to engage in the binge drinking thing...It seems to normalise it.

I also have this dull ache in my mid back and have been searching to diagrams to see if this could be my liver. I am so scared. I feel silly on the one hand, as I know there are those who have drunk much more than me for much longer etc. I seem to get into a spin. This has happened before. I get a bit worried by a symptom. look it up on the net and then read and read and read until I am in almost blind panic.

In a way its good as it might be the thing that makes me think I will never do this again. I am ok now about not drinking most of the time. But by allowing myself special occasion drinking, I am still "looking forward" to the next occasion on which I can drink and that gets me through. Then lets face it I still binge...not as badly...but I do...

I need to type this now as in a few days I might be ok again and planning the next session when I can drink. This is awful. Really bloody awful. My Dad has these Spider veins on his nose so maybe its genetic as he hasnt drunk much through his life and he has lots of them. But I am so scared I have done myself too much damage.

[scrubbly]

Moo's Plan

Moo-sters.....

I don't have answers for you on the things that are worrying you, but I just read your post and mostly wanted to give you a batch of these...

:l :l :l :l :l :l

I wanted to show support and say that I hope you find peace and answers!!

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

THANKS SCRUBBLY..

It was really nice of you to post and meant a lot.

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

I have calmed down a lot. I think something has shifted. I think I might he happier having a life that doesnt involve AL. I dont want to waste my life worrying about my liver and when I can next justify a drink. I just dont want it anymore. Who knows if this will alter, I sure as hell dont. I feel more confident that I can do that now as my life is mainly AF now. I just have to take the last leap and stop wanting to have the "special event" where I can let my hair down. I think if there are ever to be events in the future that are going to need to be much less frequent or better still never.

This may sound ridiculous but I think I have to let go of my inner child (or rather inner young adult) and decide to be a grown up now. A proper one that gets on with the world without a prop. I need to find my peace elsewhere and just learn to be. Accept I have had my fun in terms of pubs and clubs and big nights out with booze and find a new FUN in other things....books, gardening, aromatherapy....whatever...things I titter on the brink of but have not fully embraced.

In a sense keepin this mad diary of when I do and dont drink is symptomatic of where I am going wrong. Dont get me wrong I am delighted with the progress I have made and if I do choose an AF path after today I will hope to stay an honorary member of the Mod Squad. Because put simply, those people are my friends and they mean the world to me.

So I am glad I have documented today. I would rather not have had to live through it as I dont know where it came from or what its about. But I hope it will all play itself out now..

[Blue Sky]

Moo's Plan

Hi Moo

I also worry about those tiny thread veins on my nose. It looks like the top of my nose has caught the sun a little. I cover them with make up but I still wonder.......

Just read your paronoid thread and am seriously considering getting that home liver testing kit. Did you do that back in Feb? Was your test ok?


I drank way too much yesterday and today has been mostly wasted because of that. I too need to consider very carefully my next move. I simply can't mod but am not yet at the right place mentally to commit to never drinking again. The question I am asking myself today is do I really have to hit rock bottom before I am motivated into abstinance?

Guess I will take it ODAT for a while.

Hope you are feeling less worried today, you certainly are not alone. :l

[DeeBee]

Moo's Plan

Oh Moo!! Big hugs girlfriend.
Have you considered discussing your concerns with your Doc? I did when I began my journey here at MWO. She did all the blood work and what not for me and when I had my check up with her a couple of months later both of us were so surprised at how positively the results had changed. I too used to have terrible veins on my cheeks and nose which i always thought was related to my chain smoking.... I still have them but they are very very feint now.

Whether you choose to abstain from drinking completely or to go the mod route, getting a check up might put your mind at ease.

Blue, have you tried Milk Thistle?? It promotes healthy liver function and plays a part in the body's overall defense system as well as the liver's ability to detoxify.

[moofarmer]

Moo's Plan

way too go

Way too go Mooderator. You are Fab too!!!!
HUGS ALWAYS AND THANKS FOR REALLY GETTING ME THINKING AND ADDRESSING ISSUES THIS WEEK...YOU ARE ALL FAB
Remember how bad you felt on your worse post drinking event and don't go there by drinking again.
Mooo

[mooderator]

Moo's Plan

Disproportionate response.

Well I am learning more and more and more about myself all the time. I got myself into this spiral by sitting looking stuff up on the net and just obssessing. I know why. PMsoddingT. Yes PMT. I am a totally logical, normal and able human for 3 and a half weeks a month and then bam....3 days of weirdness will ensue. Normally I just shout at Mr Moo or cry over nothing or feel really internally upset. This anxiety thing is not common, but I have had it before. But there is no doubt that its the hormones talking. Monthlies are responsible for nearly all the shit in my life. Without them, it/I would be almost perfect!!!! LOL No but seriously. Its ludicrous. Even though I know it might be that, I cant stop it.

Dont misread me, its not as if the issues raised are not reasonable. I should care about my liver. I have been a weekly drinker for a while and drank a lot at Uni. but equally I have been reducing regularlity over the last few years and now since coming here only drink occasionally. I am only 34 and the rest of my lifestyle is exemplary. I dont smoke, I do cardio vascular training 4-5 times a week, I eat a no meat, masses of fruit and veg diet, take supps like milk thistle and have never taken a drug. Its not all bad. I need to learn to deal with the very strong emotions I get once a month.

DEEBS told me that L-Theatine is meant to be good for this. I started it yesterday and I hope it will assist. I am very much a fan of all things natural and have high hopes for it.

I stick with what I said first on sunday. Yes it is time to start the next phase of my plan. That is to say, reduction of the amount I drink when I do drink and maybe try not to drink wine.....but I am not ready to throw in the towel as a modder yet.

It has helped immensely coming here and venting and thank you to all who have cared and listened and been my lovely friends....


Moo