What would you have done?

[akgirl]

Okay, here is my question. How would you react?


I let my son go to the mall sometimes after school. There is a toy store there. Yesterday I went to pick him up and was shocked to find out that the owner of the toy store had sold him fake cigerettes! Not the bubble gum ones we used to know, but real looking cigs. They had a little red light at the end and powder in them so they "smoked". So here is my 13yo son walking through the mall with a "cig"

First I am mad at him for buying them, (but he is a chiid) More, I am mad at the owner for living on another planet and thinking it was okay!!! WTF??

Tell me what you would have done...then I will tell you what I did.



(Still in shock)

[Pan]

What would you have done?

Well, it is a toy store. Toy stores are for children and it's not the owner's fault that your son bought them. Perhaps they shouldn't be stocked, but they are. Sure tell your son why you don't want him to have them, but don't take it out on the owner of the store. He sold a toy to a teenager. Not against the law. You asked for thoughts, that is mine.

[rubywillow]

What would you have done?

I would have been furious w/both the store and my son. I can't control the store, but my son would find his 'free' mall visits curtailed for several months, while he thought about better decisions, spending his money, etc. I would also certainly express my displeasure to the store owner for carrying such an item, but when you can walk into a convenience store and buy rolling papers, or specialty stores and buy smoking pipes, you're probably spitting into the wind. Control what you can control, and make sure your son understands why.

[Accountable for Me]

What would you have done?

I would be furious at the store owner for even stocking them! I would go over there and let him know the psychological affect this is playing on kids.

He is letting young children to purchase these things and then the kids leave thinking they are cool; or part of a certain crowd, because they think having a cigarrette hanging out of their mouths will be a form of acceptance.

Where I am from, you have to be 19 to purchase cigarrettes and any smoking gaget. Here, there would be an outrage, if parents saw candy cigarrettes in a toy store.

[greeneyes]

What would you have done?

I think I would have used the opportunity for casual questioning like * What made you want to buy those? How did pretending to smoke make you feel? Did you notice any reactions by people? Do you know anyone that smokes? * and make use of the answers given for further discussion.

[akgirl]

What would you have done?

panicked;559635 wrote: Well, it is a toy store. Toy stores are for children

Fake cigs are NOT toys. And although I realize it was my son's decision I just think a toy store owner should be more responsible.

I spoke with my son,he did not want them cause they were cigs (he hates those) He just thouht they were cool cause of how realistic they were.

I spoke with the store owner,I was very nice but expressed my anger at the thought of selling such an item to a 13yo. I asked him how he would feel if I gave his child a cig...fake or not. I know it is a "novelty" item. But I told him he should only sell the to 18yo and older. Otherwise I would make the authorities aware. I'm sorry but to me it was wrong on so many levels. we are the adults guiding our youth, we have to be responsible. They are still just children.

Stilll shocked

[sammys]

What would you have done?

He's a kid and fake cigarettes is really not that bad, as much as you want to protect him from all this stuff at that age a ton and I mean a ton of kids are smoking real cigarettes and pot.

Tell him alright thats done maybe make a goal of something he can buy the next time he goes and to save his money and not use it on that nonsense next time.

Spencer gifts does have some hilarious stuff in it.

Sammys

[Sheepish]

What would you have done?

I am with Greenie on this one. As for being mad at the store owner- seems like a waste of time to me and is a prime moment for a lesson in personal responsibility. We blame far too many things on others when your son was the one who purchased them. Not trying to be incendiary here- just pointing out that it is a moment where you can point out what values you want to instill.
My .02
Respectfully,
-Sheep

[lucky 2.0]

What would you have done?

I see it the same way as I view toy guns or other toy weapons. And as long as it is not illegal, I would not be worked up about it. But I am not a parent, nor do I care to be, so I really should not be responding but I love to add my $0.02 respectfully too.

[akgirl]

What would you have done?

I do see both side now that I am presented with them. I still feel it was irresponsibe of the owner. But as in any situation like this I must teach my son to do the right thing. Whether it be a store owner or another teen offering him something, he should know to make the right decision.

Thank for all of your 2 cents.....It helps as a parent to see all sides.

:l
Ak

[akgirl]

What would you have done?

You have to understand where we live. when I use the term "mall" it is not like what you are picturing. 3-4 stores really. He is only allowed there for a couple of hours and the video place he goes to, the owner helps keep an eye on him. We are in a very small town.

It does still come down to him making the right choices.

[Angelcakes]

What would you have done?

Hi AKgirl - I think Greenie said it all. Use it as an opportunity to open up a dialogue on smoking.
Can't wait 'till mine get that age!!(not) I can already see in my 4yr old he has the same 'never want the fun to end' attitude as me...which is what brought me here & got me into this mess in the first place!!!

xo

[Prest4time]

What would you have done?

I think whenever we react with shock and anger, it can almost trigger the very thing in our children that we are trying to stifle. If they sense "horror" from you, they will file that away...

I would take it in stride and use it as an opportunity to grow closer to your son with good conversation as was suggested before. Otherwise, it could draw a wedge and something he knows he can use against you should he ever go through some rocky moments in his MANY more teen years.

I heard something once that made a lot of sense to me, and some of the best advice about teens I have ever received. I was told that we have a reaction scale of what they do from 1-10. If we freak out on a level 10 with level 3 offenses, then we train them that "Mom freaks out about everything, so no big deal... tune it out." But if we have our reactions align to the degree of the offense, they will have much more respect for what we say. If you use up all your "blow ups" over things like this, what do you have left when they really are doing drugs? Chances are if you dont make a huge deal about it, it will not be something he has much of a desire to do again.

It stinks that we did not get a trial run with kids before we had them!

[veritas]

What would you have done?

13 year olds are going to do what they think is "cool". It is a time when they start to push boundries and assert their independance. It is a very normal part of growing up.

The bottom line is, whether we like it or not, our teens are going to do many of the risky things that we did ourselves. It is for this reason that it is essential that we give them the tools to make responsible decisions.

I know the ciggs that you are talking about. My children once bought them with their own pocket money. I then spent a lot of time talking to them about the health impact of smoking. Their grandfather had emphysema, so it was easy to make the link. My children have done some very risky teenage things, but they have never tried smoking. I am sure that one of the contributing factors was the opportunity to point out very graphically the consequence of cigarette smoking.

Their grandfather died a few years later after needing an amputation at the age of 80 years. They have developed an intense dislike for smoking due to this linking of behaviour and consequence.

As for the shopkeepers responsibility... I agree that in a more considerate world, he might have taken a more ethical position. However, I'm afraid that profit talks and whether its guns, violent play station toys, or.. or.. or.. people are fundementaly motivated by what sells.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

What would you have done?

At 13 shop owners sold me the real thing with wine! At 14 I was out clubbing in high heels! I think this is between you and your child and the shopkeeper should not be held responsible. I also agree with Greenie......words of wisdom!