Dare I say it?

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Well, I will anyway, it`s just that, in many respects, it`s perhaps easier to be `in` than `out`, if you get my drift.

Don`t get me wrong, I am in no way advocating that we drink........we all know that drink remedies no ills, rather it leaves destruction in its wake.

Over a year has passed since I found my way out from alcohol dependency, and I thank my God each and every waking moment for sobriety. But, drunk was kind of comfortable, you know? Well, it was my little hidey-hole if you like.........my wine and I used to sit companionably side by side on a nightly basis, reflecting on my `perfect` life. Sometimes I miss that dependable `friend`, you know?, although, not enough to rekindle the friendship, I assure you.

So, now the wine has gone and so has any misconceptions I held as regards my perfect life.

Anyway, after a considerable time toying with the idea of counselling, and the subsequent wait for my first counselling session, the time is nigh.........Friday lunchtime. Boy, are they going to have their work cut out with this f***ed up woman!!!! :H

Best laugh is.........I do not know what to talk about on Friday, PLUS, I seriously doubt that I will ever feel comfortable enough to share private thoughts and feelings with my counsellor. I guess that in itself is a tricky one.........how can we work on stuff that I don`t put out there to work on.

A perfect example may be my G.P., a lovely woman for whom I have enormous respect, BUT..........she says I am moderately depressed, which I know is not true. I am seriously clinically depressed, trust me, I know what I`m talking about. How could my G.P. misdiagnose the severity of my depression? Simple really..........I never present the real nitty gritty of me to her.

So, if I can`t be an open book, give or take a few pages (lol), is there really any point in my going for counselling? Well, there has to be a point surely..........it`s all I have left at my disposal.

I never expected to find a bed of roses in full bloom when I quit drinking, but nor did I expect that this far down the line in sobriety, would I still be looking for the seeds...........

Star x

[bloggy]

Dare I say it?

Star, I am not speaking from personal experience here, but I imagine the vast majority of people who go for counciling feel the same to a degree?

I would imagine an experienced councilor knows that and part of their expertise must (or should be) getting you to open up?

I would try to stop asking yourself this until you have a session or two under your belt, then evaluate things and how much you have or haven't told her?

Wishing you the best of luck.

[A Work in Progress]

Dare I say it?

That's fantastic that you are taking this step, Star! And... as for your doctor... remember that in clinical terms, "moderate" depression means that you are still able to get out of bed, get dressed, and take a bath once in a while. Maybe she understands it a bit better than her words appear to reflect...

I do hope this will be a great experience for you!

[hippie37]

Dare I say it?

It's good to see you posting Star!!

Star I recently was about to embark on some further counseling myself but the problem I found was that I had too much in common with him. We would of ended up reminiscing (or rather I would) about all the site parties, squat parties, festivals, underground clubs, music, etc etc etc and I wouldn't of got to the real nitty gritty that I need to open up about. Yes I believe I need to feel comfortable with a counselor but I would of seen this guy as more of a mate that I would end up 'talking' to rather than 'opening up' to. I decided that at this point in my life I need to open up and stop 'talking' if you get my drift. I've had to go down the route of waiting for a referal from my GP which last time took about 8 weeks before I got an initial appointment. It gives me more time to do some work within N/A though that will build my confidence up a bit.

Believe me though do NOT miss out those few pages or try and skip over them. It's probably those few pages that are the real issues that you need to focus on the most. Just my opinion!!

Great to hear your over 1 year sober too. Stay in touch.

Love and Happiness as always my friend
Hippie
xx

[Mags]

Dare I say it?

Star, my dear friend. You and I go back a long way together. First of all, you are not f**cked up. You know how much I adore and admire you.

You also know how many times I have written on here over the years about how I could not have gone sober without my wonderful therapist. I have been with her almost five years now. My diagnosis is severe depressive disorder with some sort of anxiety thing in there too. It has been a long hard road working with her, but she has been amazing and I am so much better and my life has changed so much for the good. I look forward to my sessions with her although sometimes they can be a bit painful. I love having someone I can be totally honest with and who understands totally and never judges me - just cares for me and helps me. Sometimes I get a little embarrassed and she laughs and says "Mags, I've heard so much worse than that!" We laugh a lot also. Go for it, Star. Give it a try. It can be a wonderful thing.

I don't write much anymore, but if you remember, I used to write a lot about how going sober means exposing the old festering sores without the anesthetic of alcohol. It can be a very difficult transition and being sober can be painful. We must learn a new way of dealing with those old problems. That can be hard. We have no blueprints for it since we just drank them away in the past. Sometimes we need help drawing those blueprints. A good therapist can help you do that.

Good luck my friend. I have missed you on the boards.

[Accountable for Me]

Dare I say it?

I go to each and everyone of my counseling sessions with 'nothing to really talk about'.

They are good at getting the conversations going; then it is like verbal spew that comes out of my mouth.

My initial session I left feeling a bit awkward. I didn't really know if I liked the guy or if he could help me out. After a few sessions now; he has done me a world of good. I am glad that I did go back after all.

We had a major break through on Thursday. I am feeling whole and peaceful now. Everything I have told him - which is everything by now; he made perfect sense of it all.

I honestly would encourage everyone to seek out counseling. Even for those people that think they don't need it!

[irish eyes]

Dare I say it?

[QUOTE=hippie37;560141]It's good to see you posting Star!!

Believe me though do NOT miss out those few pages or try and skip over them. It's probably those few pages that are the real issues that you need to focus on the most. Just my opinion!!

SIF
Congrats on your year AF well done. I would say go for counselling with an open mind, be as honest as you can ( am a counsellor) and I agree completely with Hippie the issues u are trying to blot out are the most important for you. It will take time to build up your trust in your counsellor but as you do you will be able to open up more and more. Dont waste your time and money by deciding only to share part of you. Your counsellor is trained to be nonjudgemental and believe me she has heard it all or she has personal experience of very painful issues. Good Luck in your journey, it should be mandatory for everyone.

[mooderator]

Dare I say it?

I have not been dependant upon alcohol as such, rather regarded it as the "way to have fun" and needed/need to change my thinking. A new and on going process and in addition I am not depressed. So you could argue I have nothing to add here. BUT....just a few thoughts....


The first time you talk to anyone it will feel a little awkward, so dont let that put you off..

ITs is clear from this link, and others, that many people have benfitted greatly from counselling, so why not you....

You will learn to be more open as time goes on, as one does with friends, once trust builds (hence, why someone (sorry forgot who and am posting) had so much success over a 5 year period).

AS for what to talk about, it does not matter, it will come to you when you are ready and the first sessions are really about getting to know the counsellor, seeing if this is the one for you (they are like friends, some work for you, some dont), getting to understand the process and make the best of it.

In time I wager you will spend time planning what to address at your next session in order to get the most out of it...rather than wondering what you will say.....so dont worry too much, as said above, treat it as a new experience and do with an open mind and an open heart and let yourself heal.

Just having someone impartial and non-judgmental to talk to is tonic in itself ( I imagine)

LOVE AND LUCK FROM MOO

[nancy]

Dare I say it?

Hi Star

If you are reluctant to open up, the right therapist might be able to persuade you.

I hope this person is the right one for you. some therapists just let you sit there and talk which would not work for you. Before getting a new therapist, I interview people over the phone and stress that I want a counselor who will play an active role and direct me.

A therapist can be wonderful, helping you to see through distorted thinking. they are trained differently than a GP so don't think it's going to be the same experience.

True in the past you had trouble opening up about things like this, but maybe you are going to change now.

good luck and keep us posted.

nancy

[last call]

Dare I say it?

Mags

I wish I had a therapist like yours when I was away for 9 mos. I 'd always have this happy face on and tell her everything was fine and she left it at that. I guess I'm a pretty good actress (aren't we all). Needless to say, I drank the very night I was dismissed. I wouldn't open up with her and see where it got me. I always use to think that if I could have some drinks and see her then I probably would have opened up. I should be seeing a shrink now according to the hospital I was in 6 mos. ago for detox, but have no coverage. Sorry for blabbing. Hope it made some sense. Today's my first day AF after a 10 day binge so the keyboard is keeping my hands busy. Your lucky you have a good repoire with your counselor. In essence, to the member that started this thread please open up.

[MyOwnWoman]

Dare I say it?

Hey Star -- I miss you, dear!

I can definitely relate to where you are. A few months ago my employer encouraged me to get therapy - to the point of offering to pay for it (still not sure what to think of THAT!) - and at first I thought the same as you... I don't know what to talk about. I mean, I know I have "more issues than National Geographic" (stole that from another MWOer) -- but what am I willing to open up about, and where the hell do I start? I was also afraid of having to delve deeply into my past to fix my present. That is just plain painful and I'm not sure I believe in the value of that method.

Fortunately I found a therapist who also does not believe in the outdated thinking that one must relive all the horror stories of childhood etc to heal from them. He is also gentle at coaxing out little gems and guiding me to clarity. Sometimes I know what I want to talk about when I go in. Other times I don't, but in just starting with chatting something always rises to the surface that is clearly exactly what I need to talk about. In just a few months I have had some major life-changing epiphanes - inside and outside of his office, and I have finally gotten sober. (YAY!!!)

Of course, to get a lot out of therapy a person must be ready and willing to do the work, and the time needs to be the right time. I was very ready, and the time was very right. The first session, I remember I told him "I'm really ready to deal with some issues... well, I guess I'm always ready." And he said, "No - there's ready and there's READY." So true! It sounds to me that you are READY.

Keep in mind too why these folks go into this line of work - they want to help others heal from their pain, to live more fully and with more joy. I definitely can tell that my therapist gets jazzed about my progress. If you find that yours seems apathetic, find another.

As far as opening up -- oh yeah, I know that one. While I am pretty open with him, there are things I don't fully reveal. But it seems I don't have to. He is skilled enough, and I am READY enough, that being in the process of therapy not only benefits the areas I do open up about, but also those things I keep to myself. Things just get clearer. By going into those sessions and opening up to the extent that I do it's like all that jumble of chaotic frenzied shit in my head gets untangled a bit more each time, so even the things we don't talk about make more sense and are more manageable.

Thinking of my therapy, I often think about when I was a kid and we broke open golf balls - billions of tangled rubberbands inside. How do they all fit in there? And how can the ball look so neat and tidy on the outside with all that chaos for innards? Well, break open the surface and they just can't wait to burst out and breathe, and with patience all those elastic strands can be sorted and seen one by one. Untangle one and it seems that a few more just untangle along with it without even trying.

Also keep in mind that it's a process for sure. Just like getting sober is a process. I still feel depressed and/or crazy some days. But I'm also feeling more alive than ever before.

Love and hugs to you.
MOW

[Mags]

Dare I say it?

Great post MOW. You described things so well. But I know exactly what you mean. I have benefited so much from my shrink and she cares about me so much.

Ha! Now I feel like a golf ball!!

[hart]

Dare I say it?

((((Star))))


Hell woman, keep posting, I've missed you gobs. Heck if you can't figure out what to say I'll dish all the dirt on you, you know I can! :l

[Chief]

Dare I say it?

Kinda missed you, too....

[hiddengoal]

Dare I say it?

I guess this is 'bumping' a thread about counseling. Counseling is just having a guide to go with you on a journey. Have you ever hired a 'tour guide' on a vacation? Some had a script and mapped out plan. If you were lucky you found someone to take you where you wanted to go, to help you see what you wanted to see. You may not even know what that is, but a good guide can help you discover that.

Onward ho! everyone - find a good guide and take them along on your journey. You will see more and be more efficient with your travels.

Star...wondering how this has gone for you?

HiddenGoal/formerlyGo2Goal/
Coming out of Hiding!