I was having one of those days today where my head was trying to make me come to a conclusion as to what it is I want out of life. In the blue corner was the nice weather outdoors and reminiscing about halcyon summer days gone by and the red corner the friends and life I see for myself within N/A. The thoughts soon took a back seat though when I went to pick my daughter up (it being one of my access days today). I had a brilliant day until upon returning her home this evening I took a load of verbal abuse of my ex and her boyfriend. I'm not gonna bore you with all the details. I eventually walked away with the words "Whatever........I'll see you on Saturday as usual to pick Jasmine up!". I WAS literally seething and no matter how hard I tried to detach my emotions from the situation and think about the good day I'd just spent with my daughter I could not help but get angry and frustrated at the way I was just treated. Their self righteous attitude (more his) had me wanting to punch his lights out. I could feel it festering away all the time I was on the bus home and no matter how hard I tried to look at things that I am powerless over other people too as well as alcohol and drugs; I still could not help feeling the way I did. I hoped it would pass and I would look differently at it by the time I was home but then all the thoughts I'd had earlier in the day wanted to join in too.
What I will say though is that I new the ONLY solution for me tonight was to get to a meeting. I didn't even give Chris Tarrants voice a listen of "Phone a friend!". Didn't have time to be honest as I had to rush out the door for yet another bus to get to where I needed to be. I was sat there waiting at a bus stop which just happens to be RIGHT outside a pub that was my 'local' for well over 15 years praying for this bus to come. It was one of those situations where the bus was a few minutes late already so if I started walking to the next one it would probably end up coming as I'm in between stops!!lol Well the more I waited and the more time passed with the bus not arriving the more I started looking at that pub. All the excuses started flooding through my head and I knew I was trying to convince myself that I would probably be late for the meeting anyway and I probably wont know anyone at the meeting so why bother going now. Thanks to a lot of distractive techno music down me lugholes from me ipod and the bus EVENTUALLY turning up (10 mins late might I add) I got to the meeting. Sat in the main chair tonight was a guy I new from way back when I was involved with him and others on an anti JSA campaign. I couldn't of asked for a better main share tonight from someone who I saw, as like me back then, a complete piss-head. Not only that he was celebrating his 14th Year sober TONIGHT at that meeting. Anyway I took his number tonight and will arrange to meet up with him soon.
I don't much believe in fate at the best of times but tonights meeting and main share was just what I needed to ground me that much I do know.
Love and Happiness
Hippie
What I will say though is that I new the ONLY solution for me tonight was to get to a meeting. I didn't even give Chris Tarrants voice a listen of "Phone a friend!". Didn't have time to be honest as I had to rush out the door for yet another bus to get to where I needed to be. I was sat there waiting at a bus stop which just happens to be RIGHT outside a pub that was my 'local' for well over 15 years praying for this bus to come. It was one of those situations where the bus was a few minutes late already so if I started walking to the next one it would probably end up coming as I'm in between stops!!lol Well the more I waited and the more time passed with the bus not arriving the more I started looking at that pub. All the excuses started flooding through my head and I knew I was trying to convince myself that I would probably be late for the meeting anyway and I probably wont know anyone at the meeting so why bother going now. Thanks to a lot of distractive techno music down me lugholes from me ipod and the bus EVENTUALLY turning up (10 mins late might I add) I got to the meeting. Sat in the main chair tonight was a guy I new from way back when I was involved with him and others on an anti JSA campaign. I couldn't of asked for a better main share tonight from someone who I saw, as like me back then, a complete piss-head. Not only that he was celebrating his 14th Year sober TONIGHT at that meeting. Anyway I took his number tonight and will arrange to meet up with him soon.
I don't much believe in fate at the best of times but tonights meeting and main share was just what I needed to ground me that much I do know.
Love and Happiness
Hippie
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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