Unlike many of the people who work on their alcohol problems here at MWO, I arrived completely committed to giving up alcohol entirely. I had already spent years trying to control my drinking (or as it?s called here, to ?mod?). I gave up 3 good years of freedom from alcohol, because I allowed myself to become convinced that I could control it. That decision led me into years of additional misery, attempts to control my drinking, and despair.
I know that most people here arrive with the hope that they will never have to quit drinking completely. The hope (even the promise) of ?modding? is a huge dynamic here at MWO. The vision that RJ presents in her book, of becoming a moderate drinker for whom alcohol is ?like butter? is a huge draw, for many. Some even manage to get there. For others, it just isn?t possible.
For as long as I have been here I have had an uncomfortable awareness of the tension between those who are (or strive to be) AF and those who are drinking in a controlled fashion (or are striving to do so). I made a strong, good-faith effort to develop friendships with the serious ?modders? on MWO, and I truly admire and respect those who truly are able to consistently, reliably control their drinking, after having had serious problems with alcohol. And I feel genuinely sad towards, and for, those who continue to struggle with problems with control, who badly want to be able to drink, and who still find that their behavior with alcohol sometimes causes serious problems in their lives. That was me, for a long, long time. I know how much it hurts, and how frightening it is.
What I have come to realize more clearly through the lens of this recent discussion about promoting drinking on the site (e.g., threads about the ?benefits? of alcohol) is that the viewpoint of a person committed to being totally free of alcohol is, and must be, not just different, but inconsistent with the viewpoint of a person who is working (successfully, or not) on a program of ratcheting down his or her drinking to a manageable, non-harmful level.
My own way (and I am not alone in this) of creating a life free from the ravages of alcohol includes very serious work on the way I think about drinking alcohol. It is important for me to develop, cultivate, and foster a viewpoint about alcohol consumption that is not positive at all. I can appreciate that others might be able to enjoy ?a drink or two,? without it being harmful to them? but for me, it is literally a form of poison. I simply cannot afford to indulge in thinking about alcohol as a ?good thing? that others ?get to do,? but that is denied to me.
People who are ?modders? see alcohol consumption in a very different way. For them, it is something of value, something to strive towards. They embody (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) the idea that even people who have had very serious alcohol problems can learn to control their drinking, and can enjoy the use of alcohol. For them, messages about possible benefits of alcohol consumption create no problem. These messages fit their worldview.
My own response to those messages is to struggle against them, because my own alcohol-dependent mind wants to latch onto them, to believe them, to use them as an excuse to drink again. Of course it is true that those messages are rampant in our culture at large? but, many messages are rampant in our culture at large, and not all of them are welcome anywhere and everywhere. You will not see advertisements for candy in a diabetes clinic.
I cannot see how messages that promote drinking are helpful to anyone who has had a problem with alcohol, anyone who wants to quit or control their drinking. But I can see that those messages are only troubling to those who are AF, because they are not consistent with an atmosphere that supports the way they (we) think and feel about drinking. Hence the recent disagreement. And (others may disagree) I really don?t think it is about people being weak, or shaky; it isn?t about the risk that someone will see one of those threads and immediately run to the liquor store, and get drunk. It?s about whether or not we want to have an atmosphere here that truly supports everyone in their recovery from alcohol abuse and dependence.
Unfortunately, these differences of viewpoint usually? I guess really it?s always? immediately degenerate into an ugly argument. That?s part of the weakness of an internet recovery site. And it?s a very damned serious weakness; people get hurt in these ugly fights, negative emotions become aroused and heightened, friendships are damaged and potential friendships never happen. I regret that I have sometimes gotten caught up in these arguments. I really can?t afford it; my own recovery program depends not just on managing my thoughts, but also on managing my emotions and my behavior. Sometimes MWO is more harmful to me, than it is helpful. I have to keep an eye on that, all the time. I suppose we all do.
I know that most people here arrive with the hope that they will never have to quit drinking completely. The hope (even the promise) of ?modding? is a huge dynamic here at MWO. The vision that RJ presents in her book, of becoming a moderate drinker for whom alcohol is ?like butter? is a huge draw, for many. Some even manage to get there. For others, it just isn?t possible.
For as long as I have been here I have had an uncomfortable awareness of the tension between those who are (or strive to be) AF and those who are drinking in a controlled fashion (or are striving to do so). I made a strong, good-faith effort to develop friendships with the serious ?modders? on MWO, and I truly admire and respect those who truly are able to consistently, reliably control their drinking, after having had serious problems with alcohol. And I feel genuinely sad towards, and for, those who continue to struggle with problems with control, who badly want to be able to drink, and who still find that their behavior with alcohol sometimes causes serious problems in their lives. That was me, for a long, long time. I know how much it hurts, and how frightening it is.
What I have come to realize more clearly through the lens of this recent discussion about promoting drinking on the site (e.g., threads about the ?benefits? of alcohol) is that the viewpoint of a person committed to being totally free of alcohol is, and must be, not just different, but inconsistent with the viewpoint of a person who is working (successfully, or not) on a program of ratcheting down his or her drinking to a manageable, non-harmful level.
My own way (and I am not alone in this) of creating a life free from the ravages of alcohol includes very serious work on the way I think about drinking alcohol. It is important for me to develop, cultivate, and foster a viewpoint about alcohol consumption that is not positive at all. I can appreciate that others might be able to enjoy ?a drink or two,? without it being harmful to them? but for me, it is literally a form of poison. I simply cannot afford to indulge in thinking about alcohol as a ?good thing? that others ?get to do,? but that is denied to me.
People who are ?modders? see alcohol consumption in a very different way. For them, it is something of value, something to strive towards. They embody (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) the idea that even people who have had very serious alcohol problems can learn to control their drinking, and can enjoy the use of alcohol. For them, messages about possible benefits of alcohol consumption create no problem. These messages fit their worldview.
My own response to those messages is to struggle against them, because my own alcohol-dependent mind wants to latch onto them, to believe them, to use them as an excuse to drink again. Of course it is true that those messages are rampant in our culture at large? but, many messages are rampant in our culture at large, and not all of them are welcome anywhere and everywhere. You will not see advertisements for candy in a diabetes clinic.
I cannot see how messages that promote drinking are helpful to anyone who has had a problem with alcohol, anyone who wants to quit or control their drinking. But I can see that those messages are only troubling to those who are AF, because they are not consistent with an atmosphere that supports the way they (we) think and feel about drinking. Hence the recent disagreement. And (others may disagree) I really don?t think it is about people being weak, or shaky; it isn?t about the risk that someone will see one of those threads and immediately run to the liquor store, and get drunk. It?s about whether or not we want to have an atmosphere here that truly supports everyone in their recovery from alcohol abuse and dependence.
Unfortunately, these differences of viewpoint usually? I guess really it?s always? immediately degenerate into an ugly argument. That?s part of the weakness of an internet recovery site. And it?s a very damned serious weakness; people get hurt in these ugly fights, negative emotions become aroused and heightened, friendships are damaged and potential friendships never happen. I regret that I have sometimes gotten caught up in these arguments. I really can?t afford it; my own recovery program depends not just on managing my thoughts, but also on managing my emotions and my behavior. Sometimes MWO is more harmful to me, than it is helpful. I have to keep an eye on that, all the time. I suppose we all do.
ray:
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