Hi,
This month is my one year anniversary with MWO. I understand that modding isn't always popular here but I feel the need to say that I'm beginning to feel comfortable enough with my drinking to say my modding, now, is a success. For me. At this time in my life. I've learned the hard way. I've learned that the more AF days I put in, the more I'm able to mod. I've learned that I have to work the whole MWO program and not cheat by depending on just some AF days or just topa or just supplements or willpower. It's more than that. For me, it's the whole package.
I have a very, very challenging situation at home with an alcoholic husband. He has seen the work I've put in this past year. I must have read 15 or 20 books on alcoholism, addiction and the like. I'm still reading! Still posting, still taking that damn All One powder, LOL. (Honestly, it's not that bad and I feel so much better when I take it.) HB's now put in some AF days, is seeing a counselor and wants to get healthier. I'm very grateful for that but will continue to focus on myself for now.
It's been a lot of work and I believe it will continue to be work for some time. I've spent years putting myself into this mess and I think it'll take a while longer to continue to deprogram myself. It takes effort virtually every day. But it's so worth it. I'm going on faith that, in time, it will become easier because it has already come a bit easier. A few months ago the thought of going one day AF stressed me out so much. Now it's just no big deal. My mind switches almost automatically into a different mode.
It's kind of weird. I'll think, as I do almost daily, "time to get some wine". It's just an automatic thought. Then I think "stop" and I stop the thought, I've programed myself to do this. Every day, month after month. Do I really want wine? Why? What's planned for tomorrow? Am I hungry? What's going on with the kids? I mean, I go on and on and on in my mind. By the time I'm done, I have so much on my mind that wine has been pushed to the back. It takes practice, repetition. Work. Diligence.
I continue to put in AF days. I do/did these "spurts". Over and over and over again. Sometimes 2 days, 4, 7, 10, once 30. It worked for me and has been worth it. A lot of people have asked how to mod successfully and I think it's a very individual thing because our drinking habits have been different. I had to work on this for a year before I came close to finding something that would work for me in my environment. I've been working on my drinking for the past 17 years, before MWO.
For me, the fake AF drinks don't work. If I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking and that's that. I'm busy with life and I'm either not consumed with the thought of alcohol or I'm trying not to be. I like it this way, it's freeing for me. It's just easier. Supplements help me a lot and I take them, and topa, daily. I've found that 75mg of topa a day works. If I need to change it, I will. I've also found that a regular exercise program is completely necessary for me. If I don't do that I become depressed, even on a prescription anti-depressant. When I become depressed, I want to drink.
Thanks for all of the help and support you all have given me in this past year. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, and all of you.
Take care,
Be
This month is my one year anniversary with MWO. I understand that modding isn't always popular here but I feel the need to say that I'm beginning to feel comfortable enough with my drinking to say my modding, now, is a success. For me. At this time in my life. I've learned the hard way. I've learned that the more AF days I put in, the more I'm able to mod. I've learned that I have to work the whole MWO program and not cheat by depending on just some AF days or just topa or just supplements or willpower. It's more than that. For me, it's the whole package.
I have a very, very challenging situation at home with an alcoholic husband. He has seen the work I've put in this past year. I must have read 15 or 20 books on alcoholism, addiction and the like. I'm still reading! Still posting, still taking that damn All One powder, LOL. (Honestly, it's not that bad and I feel so much better when I take it.) HB's now put in some AF days, is seeing a counselor and wants to get healthier. I'm very grateful for that but will continue to focus on myself for now.
It's been a lot of work and I believe it will continue to be work for some time. I've spent years putting myself into this mess and I think it'll take a while longer to continue to deprogram myself. It takes effort virtually every day. But it's so worth it. I'm going on faith that, in time, it will become easier because it has already come a bit easier. A few months ago the thought of going one day AF stressed me out so much. Now it's just no big deal. My mind switches almost automatically into a different mode.
It's kind of weird. I'll think, as I do almost daily, "time to get some wine". It's just an automatic thought. Then I think "stop" and I stop the thought, I've programed myself to do this. Every day, month after month. Do I really want wine? Why? What's planned for tomorrow? Am I hungry? What's going on with the kids? I mean, I go on and on and on in my mind. By the time I'm done, I have so much on my mind that wine has been pushed to the back. It takes practice, repetition. Work. Diligence.
I continue to put in AF days. I do/did these "spurts". Over and over and over again. Sometimes 2 days, 4, 7, 10, once 30. It worked for me and has been worth it. A lot of people have asked how to mod successfully and I think it's a very individual thing because our drinking habits have been different. I had to work on this for a year before I came close to finding something that would work for me in my environment. I've been working on my drinking for the past 17 years, before MWO.
For me, the fake AF drinks don't work. If I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking and that's that. I'm busy with life and I'm either not consumed with the thought of alcohol or I'm trying not to be. I like it this way, it's freeing for me. It's just easier. Supplements help me a lot and I take them, and topa, daily. I've found that 75mg of topa a day works. If I need to change it, I will. I've also found that a regular exercise program is completely necessary for me. If I don't do that I become depressed, even on a prescription anti-depressant. When I become depressed, I want to drink.
Thanks for all of the help and support you all have given me in this past year. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, and all of you.
Take care,
Be
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