It was really nice to sit and read through some of the posts this morning. I have been thinking of you all and working my way back here.
I did start drinking again last summer and tried to keep it under control (the big "control" word). For the most part I was quite sucessful, but it was always the monster hiding in the closet. I knew it, but ignored it. I wanted to have a normal social life after my divorce. As many of you know, I was sober for the first part of last year, right after the divorce, but as the summer came and social gatherings started, I wanted to be like everyone else and drink. It made it easier to blend in with everyone (especially with men - more on that later), as I had not been single for many, many years and I felt akward. Well as you can imagine, that little monster became stronger and stronger and harder for me to kept hidden. I did quit drinking for weeks at a time here and there over the past 6 months, but alas, I wanted to go out with my friends and be social, the only way I knew how and always went back.
Well here comes the big surprise.. sitting down.. It didn't work! OMHELL, really?! What a HUGE surprise.. whatever.. Anyway, it is spring and I really want to get back to my goal of an alcohol-free life. I think I finally may be ready to do this life thing without alcohol. I'm not afraid of myself or being in public sober. Maybe I am finally ready to let the real MM come out. Even saying that used to frighten me, but now it doesn't feel so scary.
There are a lot of lessons that came my way over the past few months, all I am now very grateful for, but I will share more later..
The problem is that I now have jumped back into my old habits again and can't seem to break them by myself. I can't drink.. I know that. I don't even want to drink.. It's that frickin' HABIT crap! I can't and don't want this to escalate again, that is why I am back. I want to let the monster out of the closet and shooo him away. I want the little happy MM to be free. I hope that jumping back on board here will help me, and in return I hope I can help you with my journey..again... I must keep going. I am ready to start the gentle walk back on my path. I am glad you are still here..
Thank you for listening.
Namaste,
MM
Day one...
I did start drinking again last summer and tried to keep it under control (the big "control" word). For the most part I was quite sucessful, but it was always the monster hiding in the closet. I knew it, but ignored it. I wanted to have a normal social life after my divorce. As many of you know, I was sober for the first part of last year, right after the divorce, but as the summer came and social gatherings started, I wanted to be like everyone else and drink. It made it easier to blend in with everyone (especially with men - more on that later), as I had not been single for many, many years and I felt akward. Well as you can imagine, that little monster became stronger and stronger and harder for me to kept hidden. I did quit drinking for weeks at a time here and there over the past 6 months, but alas, I wanted to go out with my friends and be social, the only way I knew how and always went back.
Well here comes the big surprise.. sitting down.. It didn't work! OMHELL, really?! What a HUGE surprise.. whatever.. Anyway, it is spring and I really want to get back to my goal of an alcohol-free life. I think I finally may be ready to do this life thing without alcohol. I'm not afraid of myself or being in public sober. Maybe I am finally ready to let the real MM come out. Even saying that used to frighten me, but now it doesn't feel so scary.
There are a lot of lessons that came my way over the past few months, all I am now very grateful for, but I will share more later..
The problem is that I now have jumped back into my old habits again and can't seem to break them by myself. I can't drink.. I know that. I don't even want to drink.. It's that frickin' HABIT crap! I can't and don't want this to escalate again, that is why I am back. I want to let the monster out of the closet and shooo him away. I want the little happy MM to be free. I hope that jumping back on board here will help me, and in return I hope I can help you with my journey..again... I must keep going. I am ready to start the gentle walk back on my path. I am glad you are still here..
Thank you for listening.
Namaste,
MM
Day one...
ray:
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