Hi

[Bella]

Hello friends. I pop in every now and again to read posts and see if anything catches my eye. For some strange reason i think its a bit of an addiction this MWO...and we all know about addiction i guess...lol Well actually its not funny at all is it... but hey ho we struggle on. Im doing ok. Im in a moderation phase at the moment. It seems to be working which is also rather odd but im just going with it....why fight if theres nothing/no one to fight with ..if u know what i mean! I have been happier with "my lot" of late. I took the bull by the horns the other day and enrolled on an ART course...Textiles....Art is my real passion and im quite good at it...but since having kids i have found myself loosing my motivation for anything. Being a stay at home mum can be soul destroying for ones own self esteem. Its just nappies, sleeps,preparing meals etc...and us mums who dont have a career in the big bad world just get left behind and not thought of as terribly worthwhile...or so ive been feeling...and im sure im not alone with this. SO So.......I have broken away from my stagnant mind and gone..."hang on a minute....WHAT ABOUT ME? I need to do something to make ME feel good" and i bet ya bottom dollar..(where did that phrase come from!!!).if im happy, my kids will reap the benefits. Now, dont get too excited....its only on a monday night...not a full time course...that would be TOO much to ask for but it will do for now and it might just give me the incentive to do something else afterwards....Im excited.

I think ..no i know...that all my drinking problems lie with the fact im in a tricky relationship where i have felt surpressed...unable to spread my wings, unable to express myself, unable to breathe...just to take a sigh. There is no point going into WHY i have felt this....its boring for all of you BUT i had some time away from the husband and it has just really highlighted just how sufforcated i have felt. But im not about to end it all yet....not when i have kids to think about. So, i am finding an out-let...my art and I am so taken away when i create...my head is in the clouds and its heaven....like time means nothing...hours go by and i havent noticed because im engrossed. I think im pretty lucky to have that. The only other thing that makes me feel like that is alcohol and drugs!...and im beginning to think they MIGHT not be the answer lol

Anyhow, Im going to read this back now, check for spellings and submit! If you can be arsed to read such a long post...please reply...it makes me feel popular and loved! Sorry, but its true.....

lots of hearty hugs to all who want them from me...Bella XXXX

[shelbysmiles]

Hi

Glad you are feeling better, Bella! I totally get the stay at home mom thing. Somedays I feel that if I went back to work i may be a better mom. I hope the art class works out for you. I'm trying to find other things to do besides just being a mom. I know it the most important job in the world, but some days it would be nice to take a shower and eat one meal in peace.
And you are so right..A happy mom means happy kids!

[hippie37]

Hi

Well, you already know my feelings B.

Big hearty hugs back to you.

Love and Happiness
hippie
xx

[lil.michelle]

Hi

Awww babe! Loved you're post!
Good for you! i was also a stay at home mum and bloody hell, do i know what you mean! WHAT ABOUT US!?!?! i used drink to get me away from the whole, lonliness, bordom and trapped feeling. i then did what you did and sat up and was like... what about me, so i started pampering myself and i got myself a job as a student midwife. i say job but its a lot of studying. i'm really missing my baby girl tho so i'm going part time.
ANYWAY, you don't need my life story, just i'm sober... 15+ days now, all cravings and thoughts are completely gone thanx to knowing i can't drink as i'm taking antabuse. it's saved my life, my baby girls life and my marriage! i'm just soo happy!
You look after yourself, get sober and live for you and your little ones. if mummy's happy, everyone's happy... The way the world works!

[Guest]

Hi

Good luck with the course, I think thats a great idea.

[irish eyes]

Hi

Bela
Good for you - you are taking your life back and futhermore you are aware of your needs and your wants. Go girl this is only the beginning!

[rubywillow]

Hi

Bella, I have, somewhat, your life in advance. My children grew up and moved on. I can do anything artistic: stained glass, beautiful jellies, made all my daughter's many formal dresses, fitted to her body, sold paintings by word of mouth, etc. After the last bird left the nest, I was lost, in a terrible job, and unknowingly developing a disabling illness. Besides that, my parents became ill and died young suddenly, close together. Add it all up, and AL had a wide open door, something to help my physical and mental pain, and art slipped away. Now I look at my past work, show it to people, and they amaze over why I'm not still doing it. I miss the world my painting took me into, and I'm fighting to regain it. I was supposed to do a show in Feb, but my health was not good enough. If I could give advice, it would be to lose yourself in art, and not AL, etc., because, you can come back immediately. Best of luck, Bella. Artists have a tender soul, and we need not to sedate it or we lose our inspirations.
Rubes