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Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

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    #1

    Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

    Gosh, I can give some good advise, but, do I listen to myself??? nope. Was doing well for a couple weeks, even through the latest suicide of my friend. But, guess it was just building and building up! My brain is SO maxed with "indecisions" and stress, loneliness etc etc. The sad part is I really don't have it so bad! but boy, can I rationalize the negatives! I could see the pattern starting last week, 2 beers, then next night 4 beers, then 2 beers then 6 which really set me back. Justifying it with " I've got too much on my mind. This "limbo" crap is driving me nuts! My condo has been on the mkt since April and with" here and there showings", wondering is it sold? Then, undecided where I would be the most better off? back to Fl, alone, or stay here closer to "family". It wouldn't be such a hard decision if "family" were more supportive and loving. Just feel the "family" part has been the missing piece all my life and would love to do my part to strengthen it! especially now that I am more mature and wiser. Just wondering if I take it on full force that might be theraputic, seeing all my life the things I ran from are right here? or am I walking into quick sand? Been a wild journey of moving all over the country, trying my best to survive and just need to slow down and find my place. I know life is never perfect but most of my "stressors" are things I bring on myself! Especially making major moves to unkown places alone! But if I go closer to the few people left in my "family" I sure want to prove to them I am different now! So sick of the comments: geeze never known you to refuse a beer!", or figures you have a bathing suit with "Budweizer" written on it etc etc Hmm maybe it would be theraputic? if I'm right there in their face sober and in control they can't gossip!! I guess we all need to really look at ourselves how others' see us and or we think they see us, and change the image!!! That will bring us the "control" back into our lives!!!! Those littel "digs" never bothered me before, well maybe they did, but they sure are pssing me off now! Thanks for letting me vent, need to so badly! Hugs, cj
    CJ
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    #2
    Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

    I hear you CJ

    I have cut WAAAAY back on my drinking - but I think that I have been moodier than ever! Why, you might ask?? BEcause I am stressed about NOT drinking! What is WRONG with me!? I am doing great but I worry constantly about slipping into old habits or about this "not working" or about me worrying too much...ack, I think I AM too hard on myself.....does anyone else do this...its like I am always "self-defeating".....cant I ever just let me be PROUD of myself!?
    Over 4 months AF :h

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      #3
      Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

      hey jenneh
      have u cut back on your drinking because of the topa? or r u taking topa?
      tell us your secret on how u cut WAAAAAAY back. i think it is greeeeeeaaaaat.
      congrats
      gateway

      Comment

        #4
        Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

        Yup its the topa

        Hi there
        Yup, for me its the topa - its made a huge difference. I also take the supps - was doing that for about 2 months before the topa but the topa has made the real gigantic difference for me - has really taken the "edge" off for wanting the drink. I mean, i still want to have drinks - but not that "desperate" urge like before, you know? And if I do have drinks, I can stop - I can actually call myself a moderate drinker now - and mean it! Its amazing. I am now at 100mg and cant believe the difference it has made. I could honestly be a spokesperson for this stuff. Amazing!
        Over 4 months AF :h

        Comment

          #5
          Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

          Jen, Maybe you just arent used to the new you! Congrats.
          Just sit back and enjoy.
          Biggggg Smiles for ya. Gabby
          Gabby :flower:

          Comment

            #6
            Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

            Yay~ Good job for cutting back CJ and Jen. Yes its ok to get pissed off at the little comments. People are so insensitive and resistant to our change. Yep, its true, we really do have the will power to turn down a beer. (at least, I'm trying to get there) We really need each other, though, to get through this.

            Thanks guys! Have a great day!
            Krystal

            Comment

              #7
              Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

              Hi Krystal
              Thats really funny that you brought that up today - about hte people being resistant to our change thing. I have been depressed all day today - in fact, very close to tears all day. One of my best friends has been treating me really lousy lately and the only thing I can think of is that he doesnt like that I am changing. Maybe I have been crabby lately but now we arent even speaking.....
              I dont know but he has been making me feel like crap about every aspect of my life. Maybe he doesnt like the changes he is seeing....he is a heavy drinker and maybe he cant accept that I dont want that anymore..
              Anyways love you all
              Jen
              Over 4 months AF :h

              Comment

                #8
                Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

                rational emotive behavior therapy

                i read these boards quite alot and i have experienced a great amount of help and relief from seeing that im not alone in this struggle to get free of alcohol.we all encounter the same problems in recovery but i am amazed at the courage and determination of people here.

                im struggling as well.im doing the supps and cd's and starting campral.im 23 days abs but with new clarity comes more problems that i have buried and now have to deal with.ive looked at REBT and did a few exercises and its not really as complicated as it first appears,it requires working it like anything else.i think its a great way to deal with self defeating behaviors.the messsage board there is a great resource for practicing.i hope this is of great help to anyone who gives it a try.


                Welcome to SMART Recovery (Self-Management And Recovery Training)
                A PROGRAM OF SENSIBLE SELF-HELP

                SMART Recovery is an abstinence-based, not-for-profit organization with a
                sensible self-help program for people having addictive behavior problems. It
                includes many ideas and techniques to help you change your life from one
                that is self- (and other-) destructive and unhappy to one that is constructive and satisfying.
                SMART Recovery is not a spin-off from Alcoholics Anonymous. No one will
                label you an ?alcoholic? or addict. You are neither diseased nor powerless,
                and if you do not believe in a religion or spirituality, that?s fine. If you do, that?s fine, too. We teach common sense self-help procedures designed to empower you to abstain and to develop a more positive lifestyle. When you succeed at following our approach, you may graduate from the program, or you may stay around to help others.

                BASED ON SENSIBLE THEORY
                Addictive behavior can serve a purpose -- to cope with life?s problems and emotional upsets. There?s a drawback, however. Many problems arise from heavy drinking, drug using, gambling, overeating and other excesses. So that kind of coping is not only impractical, it?s counterproductive.
                To help you reverse your self-destructive behavior, we use a cognitive-behavioral (thinking/doing) psychotherapy called REBT which stands for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Psychologist Albert Ellis devised this system in the ?50s. It?s effective and widely accepted.
                According to REBT, thinking creates your feelings and leads you to act. By changing the beliefs and emotions that lead you to continue an addictive activity, you can empower yourself to quit. Then you can work at problems you have with abstaining.
                In SMART Recovery we are not much concerned with the past, except to learn from it. We focus on present-day events and the causes of self-destructive behaviors. We concentrate on what to do about them in order to achieve a positive lifestyle change, especially in the areas of our lives that have related to addiction.
                Motives and Goals
                Motivation is a key element in nearly all you do. Consider this: we all have two primary goals - survival and your happiness. You can increase awareness of your motives for your addictive behavior and of your reasons for quitting. Then you will feel better about changing your behavior. We will show you how.

                Beliefs
                What you believe about addiction is important, and there are many ideas being tossed around about addiction and recovery. You may believe, for example, that you have an incurable disease, that you have a genetic defect, that you?re powerless, or that after the first drink or use or act you have to lose all control. These beliefs may actually be damaging to you.
                Some people have additional beliefs. For example, ?I?ve tried and failed, so I can?t do it. I need alcohol to cope?, or ?Because I?ve tried to quit and failed, I?m no good?. Those beliefs, and many like them, can?t be justified because evidence just doesn?t support them.
                http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc

                Comment

                  #9
                  Why are we so HARD on ourselves?

                  Hey Jen,
                  I was bummin too. I was hoping to have a lot of support from the people in my life about cutting back or totally quitting drinking. I think my husband fears he's losing his best drinking buddy, and my mom and dad don't even know how to react? "What, honey, no beer in your house? Gosh if we'd known, we would have stopped at the store on the way" AAAHHHHH Its no freaking wonder I'm this way. I'm getting discouraged, except for when I'm online. Then I just get so emotional because we are all here together, when I swear, 2 months ago I thought I could be the only functioning alcoholic mother of 2 in this planet. I am sooo sooo greatful I stumbled upon this. Thats the only kind of stumbling that I want to do anymore. TRYING so hard, but it is really really hard.
                  You are all beautiful!!!!
                  Krystal

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