Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

[Lavicious]

Hi there,

Need some help from people who understand. Here goes:

My mom is an alcoholic - fine during the day, gets pretty nasty at night.
I suppose I learned that drinking daily was "normal" for her, though I didn't really start until I moved to Calgary, and met my ex. There, it was "normal" for everyone to drink every day. Started with beer.

Moved on to beer and red wine...at the same time. Not copious amounts, but enough.

Tolerance built up, but wasn't too bad until my only brother died at the age of 22 3 years ago. Then I lost it, had a terrible fiance (yup, same guy), didn't eat AT ALL for months and drank like a fish. I lost my mother and father during this time as well, as, understandably, they could not be there for me. Sooo...after a rather violent confrontation to the ex, I jumped in my 91 Chevy sprint with my cat and dog, and nary even a change of clothes.

I drove from Vancouver to New Brunswick, and lived there for a little over a year. Drinking increased...just red wine now. Red wine and I don't get along. Noticed I was drinking very quickly as I was used to drinking beer.

Up to about a litre a day. Decided to switch to white, then cut it with club soda to cut back a bit. Worked for awhile...

Well, now, still drinking every day. Like it, but I have done some stupid things that I don't remember. Generally I am a happy drunk, but can get a little sensitive and pissy sometimes.

Function fine at work, don't drink during the day, etc. But my current fiance almost never drinks, and had a previous relationship with a drinker that was quite bad. No conflicts really as, like I said, I am not a mean drunk...and don't usually get "wasted".

However, this Saturday I stayed up too late, drank too much and took a Xanax (I also have Panic Disorder...which I know is exasperated by alcohol). I guess I then called my fiances' friend at 1:30 in the morning...why, I have no idea, guess I was just up, high/drunk & stupid. Well...that was definately NOT okay - don't think I said anything bad, but it was clear I was wasted, and the friend said he never thought he'd seen me sober (not true, but close I guess). (There's a bit more history there, but I won't bore you with all of it)

So, I have to slow WAY DOWN. My baby wants me to only drink once a week. Okay...I'am okay with that. Here are the problems I am facing though:

1) The only plus...I am not physically addicted. No shakes, sweats etc. But problems sleeping. (Can I take sleeping pills to help with that? What do you think?)

2) BORED!! Drinking was a huge part of my life, and I enjoyed it!

3) Worried that I will not adjust to the new lifestyle.

Guess I wouldn't really call my a full blown alcoholic, more of a functioning one who DESIRES to drink but doesn't need to. I think I need to find some other things to fill my life...and find a way to sleep at night.

Any help, encouragement, etc. you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

PS - I am having ONE glass of wine tonight. Is that terrible? Going to go alcohol free tommorrow, but didn't want to totally go cold turkey. And yes, I am able to stop at one.

Please help me with this process, tell me your stories, give me pointers, etc.

Thank you!

[Angelcakes]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

Hi Lavicious, You sound a bit like me...I didn't figure I really had a problem...only drank 2 or 3 times a week, never during the day, one night binger and functioning the rest of the time.
But I've had to admit that I can't just stop...I had to surrender in order to gain control if you know what I mean.
Personally I wouldn't take anything I'm not already addicted to right now because of my addictive personality...so I wouldn't go near sleeping pills. I find chammomile tea really helps me sleep...and reading a book before sleeping. Or valerian root or melatonin - I haven't tried these but others say they're both good.
I too used to drink because of boredom...tonight I'm gonna do my nails while watching the tv...or come on here, do some exercise, have a bath & pamper yourself if you like that.
Adjusting to the new lifestyle WILL be hard - be prepared - and resign yourself to the fact that there will be some discomfort when you don't just grab a drink at the first thought, but it'll pass.

I wish you all the best & hope you stick around.

[boozehag]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

Hi there
I suggest you start with downloading the book - you could read it tonight while you have your glass of wine. Also Alan Carr's book about giving up drinking is good too. RJ's book is an easy read and you will probably enjoy it and it gives you a plan for managing your drinking problem. You might want to get all your ducks in a row first before the off. Get a plan in place, set a date and go for it. There is plenty of help and support here along the way.
BH

[Lavicious]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

Thank you to you both. While I know I have an addictive personality, I don't think sleeping pills would do much except get me through the beginning. After all, the insomnia does go away, doesn't it? (Please say it does!)

[boozehag]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

To be honest I did not have any sleep problems myself (I could sleep sitting on a clothes line) but lots of others do talk about it and it seems it is an issue but does go away. You might want to start a thread on it and people who have experience of that in particular will respond.
BH

[42cat]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

Hi ... Welcome, and nice to meet you. .... You and I have kind of a similar type of story, so I thought I'd share my story... Not sure if I'm on the right track or not, but I'm not giving up the fight ... and each time I try, I do feel that I'm getting closer to making it. I'm learning lots of new things and they say knowledge is power! (Or was the the Electric Company .. lol)

I too, like many of us I suppose, have been a "functioning" alcoholic. I can drink a lot in a 24 hour period (approx. a bottle, 750 ml, hard liquor, mixed), but never get drunk. Go to bed at 10:00, wake up around 3:00 almost every night, doze back off, and the alarm goes off at 5:30. Day after day.

Like you, I can also pretty much stop anytime - IF I wanted to, and that "If I wanted to" has totally been my problem. Even though I consume way too much alcohol, I don't have the morning shakes, etc., and don't feel hung over .... (although I have been worried about possible withdrawal in the past - heard some nasty stories - and have "weaned" just in case, cutting back gradually over a period of a few days).

Also, like you, I do drink because I'm bored ... and to immediately fall asleep at night (although the waking at 3:00 a.m. kinda offsets that - lol). I also wonder about adjusting to a new AF lifestyle ... What if I don't like it? .. Will I be "missing out"? ... What if I can't do it? ..... So I have to remind myself things like: OK, then it didn't work, and I will make a new plan and try again, and again, and again, and as many "again's" as needed. It's not the end of the world if I failed. And I won't know until I try, right?

What I'm trying to do these days (in my umpteenth attempt) is to find more things to do (gym, walks, a book, newspaper crossword and other puzzles with a tea in front of the TV, a new activity) .... talk to my doctor (took me forever to do this) ... take some new supplements to help with health, craving, liver function (I had raised liver enzymes in my last test - yikes) .. and tell myself it's OK to be bored and to not be able to sleep .. as in, what's the worst that will happen? I'll be tired the next day? I'll be anxious? I'll be sad? .. OK, it will feel yucky, but it will pass ....... IS IT WORTH IT? ... Yes! .... Positive self-talk is a great tool.

Btw, I heard melatonin (sp?) is good for sleeping .. I haven't tried it yet, but it's next on my supplement list to get.

Anyway .. that's a little about me and my current struggle. Sometimes it helps just hearing other's similar stories. Hope mine helped a bit ... It's always good to know you're not alone. .... which is what's so great about this site!

Keep on fighting .. And don't worry too much about "what if's" .... You'll deal with 'em when they happen and you'll do great!

Good luck to you! Keep posting and letting us know how it's going!

[Evie.Lou]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

Welcome, Read the MWO book. Stick close to this site. Read alot, post alot and you will find that your answers are written here on these pages...At least they where for me. I look forward to getting to know you.

[tlrgs]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:JUST DO YOUR BEST .. STAY STRONG AND THINK POSITIVE

[shirazgirl]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

Hi and Welcome!

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I intially started out w/ just beer then proceeded to red wine. That's abou:welcome:t the time the bottle uncorked itself. I did this for over 2 years and sometimes my behavior was less then desirable. I, like you, went to work everyday (sometimes hungover, ugh!). Last summer I put the wine down. Besides alcohol free wine (something called Fre by Sutter Home), I didn't have a drop. I found I was more addicted to having a wine glass in my hand then the actual effect from the al. I would drink exactly 3 beers on bowling night, but that was about it. I recently just did about 27 days al free then had a few beers. I realized that if I didn't START drinking, I wouldn't have to worry about stopping.

I understand what you say about the social side of it. Most of my activities involved al one way or another. I had to learn to live a simpler life. After a while, reading books, going to the gym, going to the movies and hanging out w/ my friends who had small children seemed to be much more rewarding than the guilt that came w/ drinking. I don't miss that one bit and the good out weighs the bad......

It's all about reprogramming our brain to tell us what makes us happy. Al takes over that part of your happiness receptors telling us the only way we can have fun is to drink. You can change that. I reccommend getting 30 days al free and you start to see things in a whole different light. Plan activities for yourself for this time. Things you used to like doing before drinking. Then, you can re-evaluate after that. Good Luck and everyone is rooting for you!

[polaryzed]

Hi, I'm new...please read and respond

Help is on the way . . .

:welcome: Lavi,

Like the others have said, the book MWO will help you make a plan, (it is well written). And as 42Cat said try to keep busy (chammomile tea, a good book and a nice warm bath is very relaxing).

Try to revisit this forum as much as possible, reading and threading will truly help you on your journey.

Shiraz, you are absolutely correct, it is all about reprogramming the brain. (copy that - figuratively speaking) !

Stay close Lavi,