confession.

[Karl1981]

Ok, i have a confession to make.

I was/thought i was doing well, not drinking red wine, the drink that sent me crazy. the drink that made me loose most of the great things in my life.

I got told yet again today that im an alcoholic by soph, and thats the reason why she left me.

I stoped drinking heaps of wine. i was back to a few beers when i went out with soph. the only person i really see these days.

Well. My Confession, i realised tonight when i was up pouring myself another drink, my step dad came in and told me that this is the third bottle in 10 odd days of vodka,
its crept back up on me. i look at the % of vodka verse coke and its 50- 50 now. im drinking one now.

i have failed and not really failed i have never reached what i thought i would like to do. it was a cope out. i dont really want to stop. i only drink when im by my self so im not doing anyone any harm except myself. and i can live with that.

if i can keep this a secret and i dont hurt anyone. i dont want to hurt anyone.
i dont want to get locked up, i dont want to hurt the people i love, by 'Changing my personality'

I spoke to sophs mum a few days ago, we had coffee. where like firneds, she told me that the night i was Blotto it wasnt karl. i dont want to be that person again.


I just want to be me.
and i dont know who that is..
Ill just be nice to all as im doing. and no one will worry about me. thats how i like it..

god knows why im writing this though.

Im karl and i just want to be ME.

[rubywillow]

confession.

Karl, I don't know what to say, really, but there are a few things I might point out to you.
1. Your wasting away, and ultimately dying, from AL WILL hurt those you love. Period.
2. Your personality will ultimately change, beyond your control, when the disease/addiction runs its course.
3. You will become disabled, and NOT Karl, more and more. AL is holding you prisoner more and more already.
You may have reached a point in your life that is a serious crossroads. What you wish for in your post is not possible. There is no way we can watch a loved one descend into this pit without great pain and loss. Soph will have to move on, and away, when that happens, to save her sanity. Your question now, Karl, is, do you want to live or die, because that is what you're facing if you continue. I am in pain for you now, so far away, never meeting or knowing you, so I can only imagine what those around you feel. Please, find someone you trust, someone who is sober, has been thru what you are going through, and talk to them. It's obvious you are important to many people. Let them help you really BE Karl.

[nancy]

confession.

Hi Karl,

Yes, it is up to you to do something about this. You said you are only hurting yourself and you can live with that, but usually alchohol problems do hurt others. If you get out of control, who knows what you will say or do. You don't have the same values you have when you are sober.

But don't dwell on the bad things you said and how bad you are for doing that. Because that will make it harder to climb out of this.

Karl you came here because you don't want to live this way and I bet deep down you do care for yourself. You really need help to get out of this. Have you thought about getting into a local outpatient program for addiction? And do you have a therapist?