Advice

[Lou]

Hi there everybody,

Im just after a bit of advice.... I aint been on a girls night out for months and months cause i much prefered to stay in on my own with my bottle of vodka and the thought of getting ready for a night out was to much like hard work. However i have now been AF for 17 days and have been invited out on a girly night nxt wkend...now i really wanna go cause i could so do with a good night out now that im feeling better but im scared that i wont have the willpower to stick to red bull alll night whilst all my mates are knocking back shots of aftershock..etc. Plus will i get annoyed being around loads of drunken people when im sober?? or would it be ok to just let go and have a few drinks just for one night, as iv now gotten over the withdrawals (thanks to librium) so surely all id have is a normal hangover. But would that one night make me want more again??
Should i just not go this time and wait till iv been AF for a little while longer...or will i still have the same dilema then...will i always feel like this???
Any advice, comments would be much appreciated, especialy from someone whos been in the same prediciment!

Lou - Lou x x

[gabby]

Advice

Lou Lou honny, Having been in the same spot I chose NOT to go. Knowing that I would not have made it through the nights temptions. Yes, if you went and didnt drink you would feel GREAT about your accomplishment, but for me, why take the chance when you could always do that later. But goin and screwin up your sobrity is to much of a set back and why take the chance. Sittin where I am I am glad I have my 68 days and havent traded it in for a risky night of not knowin the turnout. If your friends are good ones they will understand. It would be more honoring yourself and your position now in your life not to go. However if you do go and make it....my hats off to you! Weigh out the pros and cons carefully. gabby

[YoungAtHeart]

Advice

Another Thought....

I would never ask drinking friends to give up their drinking "girls night out" for me. But I would have an awfully hard time going to one and not drinking. I sincerely doubt that I could do it. I have talked with my friends that drink about getting together to do other kinds of things that don't involve drinking. They know that I am on this program. One of my "drinking buddys" and I now go on a walk occasionally, and we have to laugh because just seeing each other is a trigger for both of us! Another girlfriend and I go to the movies instead of having drinks together (although I was the drinker of the two of us!) Lou-lou, I think if your girlfriends really want you to get well, they will be happy to spend some time with you doing something other than drinking. If they can't do it, then maybe the booze is a problem for them.

You have been through so much, luv, keep taking care of yourself, please.

Kathy

[Newyear]

Advice

Hey Lou Lou-

I struggled with the same dilemma. I did decide to go but there may be a difference- as it turned out I am really the drinker and not my friends. I would normally have 3-4 drinks to their 1-2.
Sounds like your friends are heavier drinkers though and might even encourage you to drink more.
I went and did ok. I had one drink and they each had one or maybe 2.
One of my concerns was that I would continue drinking afterwards. Get something on the way home - or just keep drinking at home.
I guess what I'm saying is that if the evening is really centered around drinking and if that is the main object...then I would think hard before putting yourself in that position.
I like the idea of doing something else though like Kathy suggested.

But if you go just decide what you are going to do ahead of time. Decide the number and stick to it.
(It feels great to be the sober person in the room.)
Good luck - I know you will do great
Lisa

[InnerStrength]

Advice

Hey sweet lou lou
Follow your heart my friend - you are doing so well.
How about coming on chat with us instead? We LOVE you lots!
HUGS!
LOVE
Jen

[Lou]

Advice

Thank you

Thanks guys for the replies and advice. I have decided that im gonna give it a miss this time as i do not trust myself enought yet to be able to say no, especialy when im out in a party environment and yes all my friends are big drinkers!!
I'm gonna take your advice though Kathy and try and arrange some other activities which dont include drinking..who knows, it might even help some of them too!!

Thanks again

Lou - Lou x x x

[Guest]

Advice

follow your gut

Many will say to follow your heart, but sometimes that makes you want to spend time in places that may not be good for you. Your gut never lets you down. I think that you posted was great. The fact that you were struggling with your decision was a sign from your gut. Even if you succeeded to abstain, many times I have found that it starts the compulsion. Just not worth it--and your liver wll thank you. It is really important that you get well and your liver on track. I wish you the best!

[Bambino]

Advice

Lou-Lou..

It took one wekend of drinking moderately, but in the company of people who WERE drinking... You know the rest... Just One drink did it mate . And taking the advice of people on here with regards to the Lib Buzz, The Lib is a crutch - but a very helpful one albeit. I think - keep your hand on your ha'penny... For now at least !! And I mean drink-wise. !!!! :H

Good luck in what you choose... But those boots are firmly on your feet now, and the summit is in sight. Don't slip back down chix XXXX

Liz :h

[Lou]

Advice

Bambs

Ive decided im defo not gonna go, cause i know that i wont be able to resist...they'll all be egging me on to have a shot then another an another...then the rest is history, ill think i can control it and start all over again.
I cant stop now, iv been the gym 6 days running and even swam 30 lengths after a 2 hour gym session today...was awake at 6.30 bored out of my skull! think im still on hospital time...which must mean im due for my afternoon nap!!!
Keep ya chin up chicken an i hope your V arrives soon, speak later babes.

Lots a love an massive hugs

Lou-Lou x x x x x

[happycamper68]

Advice

Hey Lou Lou,
I think you are making the right decision, but I think there is an assumption in some of the responses that your friends actually know that you are in this program and that if they were your "real friends" they would find somethng else with you to do that was alcohol free. I get the impression that your friends don't know, am I mistaken?

My friends don't and if they invited me about and I was AF I would just make up an excuse. I'm keeping it private until am I ready. Right now I am MOD anyway so I could throw back a couple but I do plan to do ABS for the month of Sept and no doubt I will be invited to a few things that I will have to skip. Good luck and take Jenneh's advice and come and chat with us!! Camper :-)

[sujul]

Advice

Hey Lou--I agree that you are making the right decision not to go...good for you! Also, ditto, keep posting here and trying to arrange non-drinking activities....which may also mean finding some new friends...

Okay, now at the risk of sounding too preachy...I think it is important for all of us to find a way to accept how really SERIOUS this is...we are talking about our LIVES here! So, how much does it mean to us, I mean REALLY mean to us, to have our real lives, our real selves, back??? Is it important enough to miss a night out? Or not? I mean, if it isn't important enough to give up anything to get out from under this rock, then we at least have to be honest and say that alcohol is more important to us than ANYTHING else (health, hopes, dreams, self-esteem, etc., etc.)...

In fact, if I am not willing to do whatever it takes to get my real life and my real self back then maybe I should just go ahead and shout out: ALCOHOL IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO ME!!!

I am grateful that this is no longer true. But it didn't "just happen"...getting to this point meant that I had to be really honest with myself and fully understand that this is not a game I'm playing--this is MY LIFE!

We can play with smiley faces as much as we want (and I LOVE them-- ), but the bottom line here is that this is serious.

susan

[gateway]

Advice

ata girl lou lou!
gaters

[mikeupnorth]

Advice

Thanks, Susan, for putting things in perspective. I needed to hear that --

Mike

[mikeupnorth]

Advice

And Lou Lou -- congrats for coming to the board with your dilemna, and for making the right decision!

Mike

[Lou]

Advice

Determined!

Camper,
Youre quite right ...my friends dont know the extent that my drinking had gotten to neither do they know im on this program. like you im prefering to keep it to myself until im ready, i shalll make an excuse for next wkend..family stuff or something and i will join you all on chat soon x

Susan,
What you said is so true...words i definitley needed to hear to egg me on. I'm not gonna give up as day by day im getting a bit of the old me back, the person i like, respect and believe can do anything she puts her mind to.
I dont wanna waste anymore of my life being drunk...i really wanna go out there and be the best i can...and i know i can do it, i feel so much better and healthier already...i aint gonna give up!

Thanks for the much needed support

Lou - Lou x x x