The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

No, Zen, he has the money, so has the power. I only have stuff on paper. Not the paper stuff I need to live.

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Yes, I know. But his answer is it's better than the dole.

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

I transferred a largish sum but I haven't touched it. It is my only security at present. It's actually borrowed money so I don't want to touch it.

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

I feel guilty because I disappointed him and me by getting pissed. But tomorrow is a new day and will be the start of me getting my act together again. Back to the beach.

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

And a HUGE cheer goes up from the doggies.

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

:H

Zenstyle;602291 wrote: (no beach reference intended)

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Zenstyle;602288 wrote: I know, you told me. Well... here's what I'd do. Call him up and tell him the $100 thing ain't cutting it - you can't run a house on that. Tell him you need more. This is a financial issue and that is one of the things that brings a relationship to it's knees really quickly.

I'm not going to call him. I still need to finish the letter. I don't even know if I will have internet access or a phone. Good if he cuts the phone off because then I can get one in my name. At the moment I am at his mercy. I can't get the phone in my name and hence internet access of my own. Seriously, I will be grateful for $100 because at least I will have some cash.

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Nite Zen. Thanks for being a mate.

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Zen, go to bed. Now.

[boozehag]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Do you have to "ask" him for money? That hardly seems fair. Does he have to ask you for money? I would rather go on the dole than "ask" my husband for money. He said to me once after we had lived together for two years in what used to be his house "where do YOU keep the gravy". Like as if just because I was born female I was somehow in charge of the gravy. I dont think so. 18 years later he is still regretting that comment! He just doesnt ever speak now.
BH

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Okay, suggest away....

[boozehag]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Oh dear pan that sounds awful. You need a plan pan. If you dont have your indepdence things will fester and resentment will get worse. Can you use some of the borrowed money to prepay the phone/internet and any other things you need just in case.
BH

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

boozehag;602301 wrote: Do you have to "ask" him for money? That hardly seems fair. Does he have to ask you for money? I would rather go on the dole than "ask" my husband for money. He said to me once after we had lived together for two years in what used to be his house "where do YOU keep the gravy". Like as if just because I was born female I was somehow in charge of the gravy. I dont think so. 18 years later he is still regretting that comment! He just doesnt ever speak now.
BH

Yes, I have to ask for money. In fairness, he does discuss what he is going to buy, but I really don't get the final say. Yes, I too have had comments like that. Still have had after 6 years. The trouble is he feels like he isn't allowed to speak if I pick him up on something like that.

[boozehag]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Yes I totally agree. I did that a few years ago when there was "trouble at mill". I got a credit card in my own name secured on our joint assets - with as big a limit as I could possibly get as there was no way I was going to be stuck for money for lawyers or whatever if the proverbial shit hit the fan. Seen it happen way to many times with friends who were screwed over with no cash and no immediate income earning ability because they had stayed home with kids or whatever. Once you know you have access to cash even if its borrowed you can be strong and not make decisions or accept things out of fear.
Bh

[Pan]

The Next day Thread Tues 28th April

Zenstyle;602305 wrote: Yeah BH, I'm not keen on the "asking" scenario either.

Here's what I was thinking. If you're not used to doing that stuff on your own without your husband then start looking at it as a new experience... Go and get your own cell phone. Get your own credit card. Start getting things put together in your own name. Become INDEPENDENT. That way, no matter what happens, you will have something to fall back upon.

Zen, this is my second marriage. I didn't get married in the first place until I was 40. I have been independent. Stupidly I trusted this hubby implicitly and allowed him to place things in my name that I don't want or need. I do have my own mobile (cell) phone but he gets the bills. I am going to make a big change tomorrow and get my mail coming back to me. As it is now, he gets it all. DUMB. I can't even make a phone call at present without him knowing who I have called and there is nothing I can do about it until he cuts this phone off and he says he won't. WHY? I don't know. Control perhaps. One of my ex boyfriends has told me he considers him EXTREMELY controlling.