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    #1

    Alcaholics with children.

    Hi all,

    This has been playing on my mind for a while now..My 2 eldest are 15 and 13 and i have spoke to them about my drinking, have done for a while, just to let them know im not going to be like this forever. They know i'm going into detox in a few weeks and are relieved to say the least..My younger 3 are boys 10 6 and 3..The 3 and 6 year old dont really acknowlege me drinking but the 10 year old has started asking questions..Like are you addicted dad..which i said no to..I just thought he was too young to deal with it..But thinking back he must know..When he comes home from school im sat there with a can of cider..I want to put his mind at ease and tell him what im doing..I even have been thinking what im going to tell him as to why i have to go away for 3 weeks...At the moment i was just thinking of telling him i was working away for 3 weeks..

    Do your children know or understand whats happening to you?..Do you lie or do you tell the truth? I know it has a lot to do with age and maturity i was just wondering out of those of you with children how do you manage this?
    I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
    One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009
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    #2
    Alcaholics with children.

    Mac my oldest.....we had a talk, he understands. Really have'nt said anything to my other 2. The oldest is 21.....my daughter is 18....she never questions anything...she thinks I'm great ( Daddy's Little Girl ! Ha! ) my youngest is 15....he has some emotional problems that we have to work through. It has nothing to do with drinking....just , theirs mental illness on my side of the family. IAD.
    ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
    those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
    Dr. Seuss

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      #3
      Alcaholics with children.

      My daughter is 14 and altho I haven't discussed my drinking with her she is no fool!
      The other night whilst watching TV she made a comment that one of the actress' was doing a "thing with her mouth like mommy used to do" I didn't have a clue what she was talking about, so I asked her and apparently when I was in a "party mood" I would do this thing with my mouth which would send her running for her bedroom!!!

      What ever decision you make, it will be the right one for you and your family.
      "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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        #4
        Alcaholics with children.

        Tough call Mackie . . .

        I really was a naive sort up until my adult years when my mom told me my dad was an ALc . . . . perhaps I had ADHD?

        Excellent that you are getting help. YOU and your children will be the better for it and that is truly what counts.

        :l all around . . .

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          #5
          Alcaholics with children.

          My kids both know...15 and 10. But, I never lied. You may think you are fooling them, but you arent!!!! Kids are far more intelligent than we give them credit for. When I talked to my kids...they already knew. If your 10 year old is asking...he KNOWS. I would be honest to put his mind at ease. He is worried. If he wasn't worried, he wouldn't be asking. AND if you lie...he will know you are lying. They hear more than you think they hear. AND if you lie to him, he will lie to you if he is ever in trouble, why start the cycle. You have a problem, you are getting help...good for you, why hide it? IT TAKES A BIG PERSON TO GET HELP...AND A BIGGER PERSON TO ADMIT THEY NEEDED THE HELP.. I say share that with your family. That is what families are for.
          Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

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            #6
            Alcaholics with children.

            Some really good reasons for and against..I'm gonna have a few more days on this..Lisa is not keen on me telling Dylan...He is a very emotional and sensitive boy..
            I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
            One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

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              #7
              Alcaholics with children.

              my three children are 17,20, & 23,boy & two girls, even though i don't live with them & haven't for a long time(another story)They knew about my drinking and the effects it had on there & my life, & everybody else,s, when i told them i was stopping drinking all three were delighted & i now discuss alcohol with them & the effects it can have,point is mackerel if you think they are ready to understand then tell them as early as you can,it would be to there benefit


              :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

              Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
              I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

              This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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                #8
                Alcaholics with children.

                Macks, my son was seven when I quit drinking so he was too young to understand why I wasn't always awake enough to play with him or why I was falling asleep in the basement in the middle of the afternoon.

                That being said, I plan on talking to him at length when he is old enough to understand, and I think that is key. Each child is different so I don't think there is a single age at which that decision can be made. I would most likely genericize it and say that "Dad is having some issues that he needs help with, and that is why I need to leave for a couple of weeks."
                Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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                  #9
                  Alcaholics with children.

                  hi all. i am still struggling so have no credible advice or positive opininions to add.

                  BUT

                  I have three young children (under six years old) and i think this thread is SO SO important! it is what is driving me to look at this site everyday and try to kick this terrible beast. I am grateful to the person who started it and grateful to all who post
                  no time like the present

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